GersPrincess

Hello ladies.

Firstly, can I offer my sincerest condolonces to all of you who have lost a child. Every one of you are in my thoughts and prayers.

I was wondering if I could please pick your brains a wee bit please.

My best friend gave birth to an angel yesterday, Ebony weighing 4lb 9oz, and she's just told she is being laid to rest on wednesday

Is there anything that I could do/say that will give her the tiniest bit of comfort and support through this?
I cant seem to find the right words to say to her right now, I just want to be able to take her pain away and help her, but I've never met anyone who's been through this.

Can I ask whether you found receiving cards/flowers/gifts insulting, made the pain worse or gave you some comfort?

Any help would be massively welcome xxxxxx

Lexi mummy

what a lovely friend you are

i found people just being there and listening was the greatest help of all. cards and flowers were nice but just listening and being a shoulder to cry on was what i needed.

basically just be there for her, ask her how she feels and hold her hand. talk about her little one if she is happy too. i love it when people talk about lexi to me. im sure your friend will tell you if she wants to talk about her child or not xxxx

Jemma_x

The biggest help for me was people just being there and being a shoulder to cry on and just being there listening to me

Hevz

Read the thread about what not to say to someone who's lost a baby....that may help you not to say something that could possibly upset. Better to just be there and say nothing than tell her "that she can always have another one" by accident as you're searching for things to say


Ask about her and how she is, ask about baby and if she'd like to share pics with you


I lost my babies shortly after they were born and people weren't sure whether to give me the "Congratulations" cards that they'd already wrote out or just the sympathy cards...I treasure all of them.

I have keepsake boxes for all my children, those I lost and those I have with me too. These boxes contain scan pics, birth (and death) certificates, hand and footprints, peg from their cords, clothes and toys that they wore ot I had bought specially etc....maybe you could buy her a lovely box from somewhere like Au Naturel or you can get more expensive "proper" keepsake boxes online.



Try and be "normal", she's your friend and she's stiill the same person...good luck and much love

indy and lara

What a lovely, caring friend. The people who helped us the most were the ones who didn't hide away from us. They asked how we were and they gave us the chance to talk about Bobo. My best friend and her husband were the people we went to the day after I got out of hospital. They just held us and cried with us and didn't pretend they understood how we felt. We also spent time alone with their wee boy. Some people didn't seem to want to let us see their kids and certainly not on our own- like we were going to run away with them.

Just being there and facing her will mean so much to her. It is the people who ignore what has happened who hurt you the most.

I hope the days ahead are gentle for her and her family.

Coffee

At our daughter's funeral, everyone was saying how sorry they were, crying etc, then one person came up to me and said something different and i'll never forget it. She came up to me, gave me a massive hug and whispered in my ear "congratulations darling, congratulations on becoming a mummy". She's the only person who has ever said that to me and although it made me cry at the time, i can't tell you how much that meant to me and how i've thought about it so much since that awful day.

GersPrincess

Thank you all so much for your advice. i've been ever so paranoid about either being there too much for her, or not being there enough. I've seen a gorgeous keepsake box online that I'm going to order for her and some wish balloons. I thought it would be nice for her and her hubby and her little girl to write their own messages and release them on their own when they feel ready.

Indy & Lara you made a great point about people not letting you see their kids. I had thought that it would be too painful for Michelle to be around Emily as she is just new, but it'd never occured to me that I could hurt her more by not taking Emily with me when I see her,

Thanks to all once again xxxxx

lisa_33

hi hunny,
i agree with what the others have said. i dont know if i think taking your little one with you is a good idea just yet. i lost maisie in july and still cant bare to be round newborns maybe give her a little bit of time, and wait untill you feel she is ready or expresses that its time to see her. im sorry if that sounds harsh and i might be wrong, i just know that wouldnt have been good for me.
wish balloons are a lovely thing to give them, its nice to see someone so caring xx

GersPrincess

Hi Lisa,

I wasnt thinking of taking her to the funeral or round to see Michelle so soon or anything like that, I was thinking more in the future when she asks me to go over when her pain isn't quite so raw. Its just so horrible for her, and for all of you. I think you ladies are amazing for being able to just get up in the morning, let alone actually take the time to reply to my thread. I cant thank you all enough xxx

DonnaDoodles

I hant read everyone else's replies so sorry if this has been mentioned. But I lost my daughter last year and I would have really appreciated getting a "congrats on your new baby girl card"...maybe you could get her one aswell as a sympathy card because everyone feels different about it, but I know chances are she will look back in a few months and be very grateful you got her a "congrats" card as you are actually acknowledging her little girl.
Maybe a little gift for her little girl aswell would be nice?

So sorry to hear another baby has been born an angel x xx