Coffee

Had a bit of a shock this morning. I got a letter recorded delivery from the hospital that did the post mortem telling me that as we requested on the post mortem form that all tissue slides and samples be returned, they are now in a position to return them to us and advising us we should appoint a funeral director to go and collect them for us...

What do we do???

I vaguely remember the day after the birth filling in the form and telling the nurse i wanted everything putting back. It's been nearly 3 months since the funeral now though... i did not ever expect to find out bits of my baby are still in a hospital waiting for us to collect.
I know deep down the only thing to do is to ring the hospital and tell them to dispose of the slides as we didnt really know what we were doing when we filled in the form. Can't bring myself to call them though... feel like i would be asking them to throw bits of my baby in the bin .

serina27

Could you have them in a small box and plant a tree and bury them there ? xx

jess_smurf

really sorry about this

when i signed the papers i said they could take slides and biopsies but not whole organs and didnt expect to get them back

you can ask them to keep them for medical research not throw them away x sorry dont know what to suggest

lisa_33

sorry hun, i dont know what to suggest either, must have been a horrible shock for you getting that letter xxxx

Tyff

I agree with Serena, could you take them and maybe bury them somewhere? Or bring them to your LOs grave?

I'm so sorry. Or, is there someone who could call on behalf of you?

Coffee

It's just another example of how that hospital let me down. They had me ticking boxes on a form the day after my daughter's birth, with a midwife who bless her was trying, but didn't understand the form. There should have been someone there with me to advise me and tell me that ticking that box might mean i get a letter weeks and weeks later telling me slides and tissue samples are ready for collection.
If 17 babies are stillborn in the UK every day then why aren't our hospitals geared up to deal with that? Noone at my hospital had a clue what to do with me. The lack of support is just disgraceful.

Tyff

It is dreadful.

Wonder if there isn't enough funding or something for grief training? You'd think that in going to school to work in a hospital that they would have some sort of ethics or compassionate care training.

hayley x

I am so sorry to read this what an awful letter to get unexpectadly. We had to sign and return this letter, I chose for them to be retained for just Alex incase in future years they had advanced technology and can find a cause for death. It was selfish of me but I didnt want them left for medical research incase there wouldnt be enough for Alex if there become a time they could test if that makes sense? Maybe ring them and ask them to store them for the same reason? I didnt want them returning as far as I'm aware Alex was complete the morning I was holding him before his funeral, he looked perfect and looked like him so these slides would only cause more distress xxx

babytots

oh sweetie it must be such a shock for you to get that letter. i can remember filling in those letters but i can't remember what boxes i ticked and what i didnt but i think i did say they could keep the slides incase new tests came available and we might get an answer to why we lost jessica.

i know you have a cause of death so this wouldnt really benefit you would it. i think imo i would collect the slides (or get someone to do so on your behalf) and maybe do something special i like the suggestion of putting them in a special box and then burying them and planting a tree. the only reason why i think you should do this is because when i lost my 2nd angel as i had an op to remove the baby i had the option to get my baby cremated with other babies and then the ashes would get sprinked in the baby garden. at the time i was in no fit state to decide what to do and on the day was so out of it from the g.a that i just didnt remember about asking. i regret it everyday knowing my baby was disposed *shudders at that word* by the hospital and not having a place to go to talk to her.

sending you massive sweetie i hope you are able to decide what to do soon. x

Coffee

Thanks everyone.
I still haven't decided what to do. I have completely given up on that hospital doing anything right anyway. Went this morning for a gynae appt. Had to wait half an hour in the waiting room where they do the scans so sat there watching happy pregnant couples collecting their scan photos, all full of joy and anticipation. Midwife who helped kill my daughter during the c section was also there but pretended she hadn't seen me, when i know she had. Then they call me in, tell me they've lost my notes and so can't go ahead with the appt. I just lost it with them - burst into tears, asked them what the hell was wrong with them all, why were they doing this to me. As if it wasn't distressing enough having to go back there to the maternity wing and sit there, but now have to rebook and go back AGAIN because of their stupid mistake? I mean, why the hell aren't this hospital falling over themselves to help me after what they've done to me? That hospital have just let me down from start to end... I hate them.