rachjim98

Hello Ladies I hope you are all doing as well as you can!

I'm sure some of you have no idea who I am, as I do not come on here as much lately. And for that I am sorry it's just a lot easier to stay away then to come on and have a daily reminder of what I lost and will never have again.
Last year this time, my life was full of promise, a new future to plan and just had so much to look forward too! Then we found out we had lost our Daughter Rebecca @ 20 weeks and all my joy and the future we had planned for her left and left me broken
Her 1 year birthday is coming up way to fast for me to deal with and I am so torn. I have been volunteering extra hours at my older children school and working more, but ever time I have a spare second I think back to that horrible day my life changed forever and I just hurt!!!

We had planned on going to the mountains to have a small intimate celebration for her 1 yr b-day. My DH had suggested taking a very small amount of her ashes and spreading them where I had placed my Dads 20 yrs ago. At first I said yes but as the day draws closer I cant seem to part with any part of her. I am just so torn as I thought I was doing so much better and then the past few weeks I am a total mess.. I take a bath almost every night so I can just sit in there and cry. I miss her so much and my heart is breaking all over again.

Sorry it was so long Ladies I just needed to get it out and I knew you all would listen.Thanks
Rach

jess_smurf

i cant part with kristians ashes and dont think i ever will they will come with me when i pass away it must be hard but maybe you need to calm the work down and just have some time to miss rebecca and remember her be upset there is nothing wrong with being upset

just do what feels right let your emotions take over a little x x hope it makes sense sorry if its come across the wrong way x x

Alexas Mommy

I am so very sorry for your loss Your Angel is in Heaven watching over you, playing with other little girls, and I am sure she is wishing to say "Mommy, don't cry". You will meet her when the time is right.

babytots

oh sweetie its so hard isnt it. we have jessicas ashes and although a part of me wants to bury them so we have a place to go another part doesnt as when i die i want her to be with me so we are together. its such a tough desicion sweetie but if you dont feel you can scatter some of her ashes then speak to dh i am sure he will understand sweetie! x

natasja32

Oh hunny,my heart is breaking for you. Its so difficult and im so rubbish with words. I would agree with babytots and i would say speak to your dh and tell him how you feel. Im dreading Bodhis first bday and at the moment im an emotional wreck,so god knows what i will be like in March. I am thinking of you,and wish i could make it better for you sweetie. Even if i could take away some of your pain. I wish i could help more.

rachjim98

Thanks Ladies, I am just a big mess of emotions at the moment. I told myself I would be strong when this day come, but with it only being 10 days away I am falling apart from the inside out my heart is just so heavy and it just hurts. Tonight I plan on telling Dh that I still wanna go to the mountains I just am not ready to part with her. And I am not sure I ever will be.

serina27

xx

meldmac

I agree you should talk to your OH and tell him how you feel. I'm sure he'll understand. We split Devin's ashes to send to my family to be buried with my grandmother and even I'm having a bit of difficulty with that. Sending you lots of

im_mi

you dont have to scatter the ashes if you dont want to, darling.

The important thing to remember is that everything done after someones passing is purely for the benefit of those left behind. With that in mind, do what feels right. You have been through a horrible, horrific time and it will take time to heal

wldgreen

Sorry for your loss, and for the way that you are feeling. I always wondered what we would do come Chloe's 1 st birthday. I hope we all have the strength we need to survive this difficult turn of events. I hope we all learn to create more dreams and hopes for the future as time tries to heal our wounds. I know when it is my time my baby's ashes will be burried with me. hugs and strength to all.