What would you do?

imace · Feb 27th, 2010, 09:15 AM

Right so the situation is like this...

FOB had a baby with another woman before me. He doesn't see his son and never made any effort with him.

We got together and I fell preggas on the pill but decided everything happens for a reason and went with it.

Now LO is 6 weeks old and I've seperated from FOB because he turned out to be a hotheaded abusive twat.

I moved into my own place last week and FOB said he was going to visit LO today and had a few things for her etc.

Surprise surprise, he didn't bother coming, woke up at midday telling me he had to work late and was tired...

Now do I just cut all ties now, knowing he will be the same with LO as he is with his other child? And save the tears and arguements?

MissEfendi · Feb 27th, 2010, 09:28 AM

I would yes, it is not good for the child to have a parent that just dips in and out of their lives, it confuses them, they end up blaming themselves. But do let her know who her dad is and if she wants to see him when she is older , dont stand in her way but whilst she is young and he is already making excuses, i would cut ties personally.

Linz88 · Feb 27th, 2010, 09:58 AM

giv him 1 last chace.. tell him its his last too..he may not be the same with your l.o

Hollys_Twinny · Feb 27th, 2010, 10:08 AM

I'd give him the benefit of the doubt, this time! But I would definatly make it clear that your not willing to play games when it concerns your daughter x

imace · Feb 27th, 2010, 14:07 PM

Thanks.

I personally had a dad who picked and chose when it was convinent for him to play dad, so I am very sensitive to the subject and I would rather not have spent years of my life wondering why my dad didn't love me enough to see me every day. Obviously I know now that wasn't the case, but I don't want my LO going through the same crap I did.

When she was born, the first couple of days he wouldn't even go out and get food for me to eat or help with the baby in the night and I get really ill. He just hasn't shown any reponsibility towards LO and I doubt he ever will.

MissEfendi · Feb 27th, 2010, 17:42 PM

You are the mum so go with your gut feeling, I know the rest said give him the benefit of the doubt but sorry when it comes to the babies, unless the fathers are in hospital or seriously ill, they have NO excuse as to why they cannot see their kid, I would walk hours every single day to spend five minutes with my boy, I would move mountains and cancel things to see him, so since your ex is making no effort now, it is hardly going to change.

MissE007 · Feb 27th, 2010, 21:16 PM

I've always thought that it was better to completely cut them out if they can't stick to being in the child's life - but my dad wasn't really in my life that much when I was younger either.

My dad did some terrible things to my mother, but as an adult I have to say I'm glad she never prevented him from just walking in and out of my life. I had a chance to grow up seeing his true character with my own eyes and have come to accept how he is if you know what I mean...we speak now I'm older and I see his family but I dnt have much time or respect for him at all.

So I guess I would say maybe leave the door open...? but don't let him cause any great interruptions in your life. At least you always know you gave him a chance. But I do agree you should really just go with your gut feelings.

donegalfairy · Feb 28th, 2010, 05:44 AM

I'm sorry to say this, but my baby's father has a child with another woman, which he meets on a daily basis (thats what he told me) and he always speaks dearly about her (as he of course should) and has said numerous times she's his no.1 priority. I get unplanned pregnant and he tells me "to get rid off the fucking baby".

And has said not only once, but a few times, that he doesn't want anything to do with our baby.

So how he is like with his other child doesn't say anything how he will be to yours, sorry.

imace · Feb 28th, 2010, 15:02 PM

Well I have sent him a message, telling him he has one last chance, and if he doesn't come then that's it. I don't care if he has work, if it was me I would move mountains to make sure I could see my baby and I don't see why he should be any different.

Will let you know how it turns out...

xJG30 · Mar 1st, 2010, 10:52 AM

Good luck

Feb 27th, 2010, 09:15 AM	#1
imace Mum (Mom) Active BnB Member Join Date: Oct 2009 Location: Buckingham Posts: 1,296	What would you do? Right so the situation is like this... FOB had a baby with another woman before me. He doesn't see his son and never made any effort with him. We got together and I fell preggas on the pill but decided everything happens for a reason and went with it. Now LO is 6 weeks old and I've seperated from FOB because he turned out to be a hotheaded abusive twat. I moved into my own place last week and FOB said he was going to visit LO today and had a few things for her etc. Surprise surprise, he didn't bother coming, woke up at midday telling me he had to work late and was tired... Now do I just cut all ties now, knowing he will be the same with LO as he is with his other child? And save the tears and arguements?

Status: Offline

Feb 27th, 2010, 09:28 AM	#2
MissEfendi Mum (Mom) Active BnB Member Join Date: May 2009 Location: London Posts: 100	I would yes, it is not good for the child to have a parent that just dips in and out of their lives, it confuses them, they end up blaming themselves. But do let her know who her dad is and if she wants to see him when she is older , dont stand in her way but whilst she is young and he is already making excuses, i would cut ties personally.

Status: Offline

Feb 27th, 2010, 09:58 AM	#3
Linz88 Mum (Mom) Chat Happy BnB Member Join Date: Dec 2009 Location: West Brom\Bham, Uk Posts: 1,679	giv him 1 last chace.. tell him its his last too..he may not be the same with your l.o

Status: Offline

Feb 27th, 2010, 10:08 AM	#4
Hollys_Twinny Mum (Mom) BnB Addict Join Date: Jun 2008 Location: Uk Posts: 4,231	I'd give him the benefit of the doubt, this time! But I would definatly make it clear that your not willing to play games when it concerns your daughter x

Status: Offline

Feb 27th, 2010, 14:07 PM	#5
imace Mum (Mom) Active BnB Member Join Date: Oct 2009 Location: Buckingham Posts: 1,296	Thanks. I personally had a dad who picked and chose when it was convinent for him to play dad, so I am very sensitive to the subject and I would rather not have spent years of my life wondering why my dad didn't love me enough to see me every day. Obviously I know now that wasn't the case, but I don't want my LO going through the same crap I did. When she was born, the first couple of days he wouldn't even go out and get food for me to eat or help with the baby in the night and I get really ill. He just hasn't shown any reponsibility towards LO and I doubt he ever will.

Status: Offline

Feb 27th, 2010, 17:42 PM	#6
MissEfendi Mum (Mom) Active BnB Member Join Date: May 2009 Location: London Posts: 100	You are the mum so go with your gut feeling, I know the rest said give him the benefit of the doubt but sorry when it comes to the babies, unless the fathers are in hospital or seriously ill, they have NO excuse as to why they cannot see their kid, I would walk hours every single day to spend five minutes with my boy, I would move mountains and cancel things to see him, so since your ex is making no effort now, it is hardly going to change.

Status: Offline

Feb 27th, 2010, 21:16 PM	#7
MissE007 Mum (Mom) Active BnB Member Join Date: Aug 2009 Location: UK Posts: 145	I've always thought that it was better to completely cut them out if they can't stick to being in the child's life - but my dad wasn't really in my life that much when I was younger either. My dad did some terrible things to my mother, but as an adult I have to say I'm glad she never prevented him from just walking in and out of my life. I had a chance to grow up seeing his true character with my own eyes and have come to accept how he is if you know what I mean...we speak now I'm older and I see his family but I dnt have much time or respect for him at all. So I guess I would say maybe leave the door open...? but don't let him cause any great interruptions in your life. At least you always know you gave him a chance. But I do agree you should really just go with your gut feelings.

Status: Offline

Feb 28th, 2010, 05:44 AM	#8
donegalfairy Pregnant (Expecting) Inactive Join Date: Feb 2010 Posts: 117	I'm sorry to say this, but my baby's father has a child with another woman, which he meets on a daily basis (thats what he told me) and he always speaks dearly about her (as he of course should) and has said numerous times she's his no.1 priority. I get unplanned pregnant and he tells me "to get rid off the fucking baby". And has said not only once, but a few times, that he doesn't want anything to do with our baby. So how he is like with his other child doesn't say anything how he will be to yours, sorry.

Status: Offline

Feb 28th, 2010, 15:02 PM	#9
imace Mum (Mom) Active BnB Member Join Date: Oct 2009 Location: Buckingham Posts: 1,296	Well I have sent him a message, telling him he has one last chance, and if he doesn't come then that's it. I don't care if he has work, if it was me I would move mountains to make sure I could see my baby and I don't see why he should be any different. Will let you know how it turns out...

Status: Offline

Mar 1st, 2010, 10:52 AM	#10
xJG30 Mum (Mom) BnB Elite Join Date: Feb 2008 Location: Nottingham Posts: 18,400	Good luck

Status: Offline

Similar Threads
Would they monitor baby at 28 weeks? what would you do?	Pregnancy - Third Trimester
What will/would you do differently next time?	Baby Club
What would you do/think?	Pregnancy - Third Trimester
How do you relax? and what would you do to treat yourself?	General Chatter

User Name		Remember Me?
Password