how likely is it for fob to change their mind once baby is born?

surprisebaby · Feb 9th, 2010, 18:14 PM

A brief summary of my situation: My fob finished with me when he found out I was pregnant and stopped all communication with me. I haven't seen him at all being pregnant apart from when it happened obviously!! Only one email when I was 17 weeks pregnant telling me to get an abortion and not to contact him again.

Anyway I am due in 10 weeks and have just wrote him a very short email asking whether he would meet up to discuss things before baby is born.... I don't expect a response as he normally ignores any contact I make.

I was wondering anyway who has been in a similar type of situation and have the fob's changed when baby has arrived? Like they want to see them etc. I not going to get my hopes up, but just wondered what might be likely.

Thanks for any replies

xx

Singl3Daddy · Feb 9th, 2010, 19:43 PM

They always do somewhere down the line. my half sister's dad came back when she was 14!!
i dont your concious would allow you to stay away forever.

the most common cases are where the dad comes back after x amount of months/years and isnt allowed access to the child, he then turns around and uses that as the reason to make himself feel better for not being there. "i Tried"

Abigailly · Feb 10th, 2010, 05:58 AM

He may come around, he may not.

To be honest I would just leave it, if I remember rightly he's made it clear that so far he doesn't want anything to do with the baby? Would you really want him near your child? This isn't a dig by the way I'm genuinely curious?

surprisebaby · Feb 10th, 2010, 07:06 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Abigailly

He may come around, he may not.

To be honest I would just leave it, if I remember rightly he's made it clear that so far he doesn't want anything to do with the baby? Would you really want him near your child? This isn't a dig by the way I'm genuinely curious?

yes i would. I want him to be involved and for her to know her real father in some form. I know he has said that so far, thats why I asked others who have been in a similar situation where they have changed their minds.

sweetlullaby · Feb 10th, 2010, 07:34 AM

Eventually curiousity will get the better of him and he'll probably come back even just to "see". Some when they see their LO's for the first time decide to man up and be there but unfortunately it seems the majority dont.

i hope thats not the case for you

lauramarie · Feb 10th, 2010, 09:56 AM

i had the opposite situation FOB did want to be involved with LO, until i gave birth and he decided that he didn't want anything to do with LO and has never met him. He only lives a street away!! but then that is down to the other woman. I do believe he will regret it and get in touch, but i know that while he is still with her, my son will grow up without a father, which is really sad.

I want the same as you, for my child to have a father. Can't answer your question, guess time will tell, unfortunately there is very little you can do about it

purpledahlia · Feb 10th, 2010, 10:36 AM

I think down the line he will make contact, like someone else said. curiosity. But... i wouldnt try and contact him more, the ball is in his court.. you have left the door open? so let him decide to knock it. Just concentrate on having the baby and forget about him till/if/when he gets in touch.

suzanne108 · Feb 10th, 2010, 10:44 AM

Hi surprisebaby not long to go now

I'm pretty sure that most fobs will change their mind at some point abot contact with LO. I wouldnt pin your hopes on it though and just cross that bridge when/if it comes.

My fob says he wants to be involved but doesnt make much effort to come see her. He does text most days to see how she is but unfortunately that isnt helping in Lola getting to know him! I sometimes wonder whether it'd be better for her to not see him at all rather than once every 3 or 4 weeks...after all 'dad' is only a word. Being a dad doesnt automaticaly form a bond, it has to be worked on.

Sorry - waffled! X

surprisebaby · Feb 10th, 2010, 10:57 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by purpledahlia

I think down the line he will make contact, like someone else said. curiosity. But... i wouldnt try and contact him more, the ball is in his court.. you have left the door open? so let him decide to knock it. Just concentrate on having the baby and forget about him till/if/when he gets in touch.

Thanks Purple, I was thinking about just letting him know when the baby is here next. I am not sure whether I should let him know when I go to labour or not. I was just hoping we could clear the air before the baby is born, but yeah it's down to him to get back to me. Hope he does. It must feel horrible for him as well having something like this at the back of his mind.

suzanne108 · Feb 10th, 2010, 11:03 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by surprisebaby

Quote:

Originally Posted by purpledahlia

I think down the line he will make contact, like someone else said. curiosity. But... i wouldnt try and contact him more, the ball is in his court.. you have left the door open? so let him decide to knock it. Just concentrate on having the baby and forget about him till/if/when he gets in touch.

Thanks Purple, I was thinking about just letting him know when the baby is here next. I am not sure whether I should let him know when I go to labour or not. I was just hoping we could clear the air before the baby is born, but yeah it's down to him to get back to me. Hope he does. It must feel horrible for him as well having something like this at the back of his mind.

You're too considerate SB. So he should feel damn horrible leaving you in this situation!!

Feb 9th, 2010, 18:14 PM	#1
surprisebaby Mum (Mom) Active BnB Member Join Date: Aug 2009 Posts: 823	how likely is it for fob to change their mind once baby is born? A brief summary of my situation: My fob finished with me when he found out I was pregnant and stopped all communication with me. I haven't seen him at all being pregnant apart from when it happened obviously!! Only one email when I was 17 weeks pregnant telling me to get an abortion and not to contact him again. Anyway I am due in 10 weeks and have just wrote him a very short email asking whether he would meet up to discuss things before baby is born.... I don't expect a response as he normally ignores any contact I make. I was wondering anyway who has been in a similar type of situation and have the fob's changed when baby has arrived? Like they want to see them etc. I not going to get my hopes up, but just wondered what might be likely. Thanks for any replies xx

Status: Offline

Feb 9th, 2010, 19:43 PM	#2
Singl3Daddy Dad Active BnB Member Join Date: Jan 2010 Location: London Posts: 125	They always do somewhere down the line. my half sister's dad came back when she was 14!! i dont your concious would allow you to stay away forever. the most common cases are where the dad comes back after x amount of months/years and isnt allowed access to the child, he then turns around and uses that as the reason to make himself feel better for not being there. "i Tried"

Status: Offline

Feb 10th, 2010, 05:58 AM	#3
Abigailly Pregnant (Expecting) Active BnB Member Join Date: Aug 2009 Posts: 838	He may come around, he may not. To be honest I would just leave it, if I remember rightly he's made it clear that so far he doesn't want anything to do with the baby? Would you really want him near your child? This isn't a dig by the way I'm genuinely curious?

Status: Offline

Feb 10th, 2010, 07:34 AM	#5
sweetlullaby Mum (Mom) BnB Addict Join Date: Apr 2009 Location: Uk Posts: 6,338	Eventually curiousity will get the better of him and he'll probably come back even just to "see". Some when they see their LO's for the first time decide to man up and be there but unfortunately it seems the majority dont. i hope thats not the case for you

Status: Offline

Feb 10th, 2010, 09:56 AM	#6
lauramarie Mum (Mom) Active BnB Member Join Date: Feb 2009 Location: scotland Posts: 126	i had the opposite situation FOB did want to be involved with LO, until i gave birth and he decided that he didn't want anything to do with LO and has never met him. He only lives a street away!! but then that is down to the other woman. I do believe he will regret it and get in touch, but i know that while he is still with her, my son will grow up without a father, which is really sad. I want the same as you, for my child to have a father. Can't answer your question, guess time will tell, unfortunately there is very little you can do about it

Status: Online

Feb 10th, 2010, 10:36 AM	#7
purpledahlia Mum (Mom) BnB Elite Join Date: Apr 2009 Posts: 14,871	I think down the line he will make contact, like someone else said. curiosity. But... i wouldnt try and contact him more, the ball is in his court.. you have left the door open? so let him decide to knock it. Just concentrate on having the baby and forget about him till/if/when he gets in touch.

Status: Offline

Feb 10th, 2010, 10:44 AM	#8
suzanne108 Mum (Mom) BnB Addict Join Date: Aug 2009 Location: Manchester Posts: 6,844	Hi surprisebaby not long to go now I'm pretty sure that most fobs will change their mind at some point abot contact with LO. I wouldnt pin your hopes on it though and just cross that bridge when/if it comes. My fob says he wants to be involved but doesnt make much effort to come see her. He does text most days to see how she is but unfortunately that isnt helping in Lola getting to know him! I sometimes wonder whether it'd be better for her to not see him at all rather than once every 3 or 4 weeks...after all 'dad' is only a word. Being a dad doesnt automaticaly form a bond, it has to be worked on. Sorry - waffled! X

Status: Offline

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