Momma2Bee

i havnt heard from my ex in three weeks, he knew i was going to a midwife appointment monday and had said he wanted to go to all them with me but didnt bother. He just doesnt seem intrested what so ever now and im starting to think about my birthing plan and to be honest.. i dunno if i want him there any more. It annoys me that hes not bothering and more and im not going to stand and let him not be intrested for the next two months then when im in labour or after ive had LO him all of a sudden be intrested, its just not on. I dunno weither to text him or what and say im planning the birth now, do you want to be there or not or just come straight out and tell him i dont want him to be there because i could have someone there who's actually been standing by me and helping out through out my pregnancy like my mum or sister. But i dunno if that would be to harsh? Urgh, im so confussed and i just wanna go round and hit him.

Ash_P

i certainly wouldnt be askin him. I didnt give my husband the choice. He made the decision that he didnt wanna be with me, and has shown no interest in the pregnancy. He says he wants to be part of the babies life, but so far (bar a 1 or 2 times) has he actually shown any interest in the fact that I am carrying his child.
I just told him that he will be informed when I go into labour, and if he choices to come to the hospital while Im in labour then thats fine, but I told him, he WOULDNT be in the room when I gave birth. I told him I didnt want him at my 20 week scan, (I didnt feel comfortable with him being there, looking at my body etc etc) So there is definately no way would I have him there when Im in labour.

I felt that I need someone who has been thru the same situation, that will comfort me, reassure me that I am going to be ok, and support me thru the whole thing. That person who is best suited for the job is my sister. I know that no matter what she will be there for me. Unlike FOB

I also told him that I was going back to my maiden name, even tho the divorce isnt through yet, and wont be til after the child is born. That I was giving baby MY maiden name. Needless to say, he was not one bit happy, and thru a hissy fit about it. But tough.

We carry the LO for 9 months, raise them for the rest of our lives, while the FOB`s can just pick up and drop off when its suits them. Its easy for them to walk away when they cant be arsed with situations. So why even give them the option.

I will never deny my husband rites as a father. He will be going on the Birth certificate. But I will make sure he pays the money owed to baby. He can see baby on agreed days and times etc. But in regards to the personal, intimate details like scans, MW appointments and birth. We need to feel comfortable as possible, and try and enjoy these as much as possible.

Sorry for long post, just giving u my opinion x

suzanne108

I totally agree with Ash.

I wouldn't even give him the option of him being at the birth. It isn't harsh in the slightest! As far as I know there is only one single mummy on this site that allowed FOB to be in the room when she gave birth so its completely normal not to let him be at the birth!

You need to be as comfortable as possible, if you're stressed when in labour it can really tighten up the muscles down there and make things so much harder, don't mean to scare you but you but baby can get distressed if you're tense (which I personally would be if FOB was there!)

I have told FOB he can come to the hospital and wait outside the room. I'm not necessarily going to let him see baby straight away, I might make him wait until visiting hours, depends how I feel. I don't give a shit if he has to wait there all day!!

I hate these men that leave us pregnant, leave us to go through everything alone and then just pop back up when they feel like it. Unfortunately there isn't much you can do if he suddenly decides to be involved, you don't want to deny your child its father - this is what I'm going through at the moment and I can't tell you how hard it is. But there is lots of support on this site to help us get through things, we'll always come out the other end stronger!!!

xxx

sweetlullaby

I agree with both Ash and Suzanne!

I wont be having FOB in the room with me when i give birth ....havnt even seen the arse**** since i was 19 weeks and havnt had a text from him in 5 weeks, im due in just over two weeks! For all he could know i could have had this LO last week!

I knew from day one he wasnt gonna be there. I wanted someone who has been there for me throughout pregnancy and has been a great support and thats my mum. Also i think we have to be able to feel really comfortable with the person who will be supporting you throughout labour. Its not the place or time to be worrying about all the crazy noises you'll be making or worrying if intimate parts of your body are on display in front of him. And if your feeling a bit resentful and annoyed towards him now for his lack of effort and interest i would imagine that quite a lot of all the built up emotions you have over the whole situation could come spewing out whilst in labour! I hear pregnant ladies tend to say exactly what they think or is on their mind whilst in labour

This is just my personal opinion! Of course its up to you in the long run but I dont think it is harsh to say you dont want him there. Has he just assumed that he'll be there or did you say you'd let him be there? I hope it all works out for you..its really annoying knowing that these men just do things the way they want to without thinking of the consequences etc.

I know that FOB in my case once LO is born will probably appear on the scene again acting all interested and will be assuming that its completely fine that he hasnt bought anything/has hardly asked about LO/ and hasnt been in touch with me for 5 weeks now!

I agree about the support on this forum its fantastic!!! There have been days when i've been at the end of my tether and these ladies make us all feel so much better and stronger!

xx