lou_w34

Its not really a FOB issue, as its not directly about him doing something, but its still about him.

Me and my dad do not have a good relationship at all, in fact id go as far as to say at times i really do hate him (i know that sounds awful....) But then i have moments where i think 'ahhh your ok really'

But his actions today have just proved to me that i cant stand him.

Me and my mum just got in from town, and he came down the stairs in a shitty mood, i was just about to go to the chip shop for my mum, when he started saying he wanted something, i thought he meant something from the shop... but no he starts demanding that i give him FOBs address and phone number i tell him no, as its basically my issue, and to not talk to me like shit as i havent said anything or done anything wrong. He literally looked and talked to me like i was something the cat had sicked up on the floor.

Soooo anyways, i went to the shop, came back, and before i even opened the door i could hear him yelling at my mum, saying id ruined their lifes, he hated me, he wanted me out, i was a lazy shit, and that if my mum didnt get FOBs address/ number he was leaving. My mum defended me and told him it was none of their business, and it was up to me to sort it out with FOB, and they should be supporting me, not bothering about him for now. He then went on saying that i was stopping them affording things. Which is a complete lie, apart from my mum offering to pay for half of my pram as a baby present, i have brought every single little thing for scarlett. (obv my mum has got things here and there, but i never once asked for them, she went out on her own back and brought them)

Then he went upstairs ranting and raving about 'if i want my ******* child, i need to stop being so lazy' at first i was fuming he called my child 'a *******'. And secondly, i am not lazy, i cook dinners, i help my mum clean, and anytime my mum asks me to do something, i do it. He is the one who sits on his arse and complains when i dont do HIS washing up.

Ive just told my mum ill leave, but she said no, she doesnt want me to go. But how the hell am i sposed to stay where me and Scarlett are obviously not wanted???? My mum told me to just ignore him, but he's said some awful things tonight that i will never forgive him for, i feel sick and i cant stop shaking, and my belly hurts.

I just cant see why he's yelling at me because FOB wont give me any money, most of you girls no its like getting blood out of a stone. I cant help the fact that FOB has buggered off, Obviously id love to raise Scarlett in a 'normal' family home, but she has me, and as long as i love her i dont think she'll miss out on anything.

I want to leave, but my mum wants me to stay....
What do i do?? I dont no anything about HB??



And congrats if you have read this far....

lou_w34

The * out word is B*****d.

Ash_P

Aww babe Sorry to hear this. No offence but ur dad sounds like a complete arse!
I cant really suggest whether its a good idea for u to move out or not. But equally its not good for u to be living in a situation like that, esp with the stage in ur pregnancy.
Try not to get too wound up i know its easier said than done, but try keep urself calm for LO`s sake.
I can give u some info on HB and things ur entitled to if u wanna add me on msn or whatever Il answer as many questions as I can.
Hope ur ok huni, and if u need me just PM me. Hugs xxx

louise85

Oh hun, what is it with men lately???!! My dad used to be a bit like this, he hardly even spoke to me when I was pregnant with my 1st, but as soon as she was born he was ok, don't know if this will be the same for you.

He's obv putting ur mom in an awkward situation which isn't fair as of course she wants to buy things for her grandaughter, and put a roof over your head.

He doesn't really have any right to have FOBs name and address, if you can't make him be involved what makes him think he can??!! If thats what he wants it for, I'm presuming.

Go and relax for the night and see how things are in the morning, sounds like bubs is getting a little stressed too!

And I can help u a bit if you need advice on benefits too! They are a nightmare!

Have some xx

lou_w34

Thanks girlies
The thing is, i dont really want to leave, i just dont want to be here at the same time as him, Im scared to look after a baby alone, and my mum wants me to stay aswell, and i dont want to leave her here with him.

I guess thats why he wanted his number, he said he should be paying now, but its not like i can force FOB to hand me over his money. And my dad wants to tell his parents aswell, but i told him its up to when i feel comfortable enough to do that.

My mum just came up and said he doesnt like not knowing whats going to happen, but its not like i know either. Im not a mind reader. My mum told him this. She also asked if i was going to tell his parents, i said yes (even though i had already decided no) but i really dont want too... im scared they will try and get too involved and take her away from me for weekends when i dont want them too. I know they have a right to know... but i dont want to tell them, surely thats up to their son???

I dont really see me ever speaking to him again to be honest. Ill never forgive him for calling my child that.

Thanks for listening girls

louise85

This is the thing with dads from our generation, back then they had no choice really, I don't think they really understand that a woman CAN raise a child alone and if the father doesn't wanna know well its not our fault their complete shits (maybe we should of had better judgement but hey) lol.

If you don't wanna leave, don't leave hun!! You will probably appreciate your moms help espcially in the early days, so stick to what you want and ignaore your dad if thats at all poss!!

Don't get too stressed out, don't wanna miss your driving test!!! Good luck for that by the way, I remember its soon

lou_w34

I just wish he'd leave now lol

Well done for remembering!!! Its on tuesday! Im actually bricking it haha. Thanks for the luck!! i am gunna need it lol

purpledahlia

oh dear, sounds a bit messy.

TBH, my dad is similar, hes not called me names or said we should leave or anything, but he doesnt understand and finds it very hard to cope. He hates the fact 'his baby' has been treated like shit and walked all over, hates FOB, and because he cant comprehend treating a woman like that or doing what FOB has done.. so your dad probably feels the same but is expressing it a different way.

My mum gets upset being stuck in the middle, luckily for me my dad works away and always has so generally were not hugely close. But he will make a great grandad and will spoil her to no end.. im sure your dad will too.

Men dont even bond with their own kids till their born so i guess it is unrealistic to expect them to bond with their grandchild before theyre born.

Im not excusing what he said or anything.. but i do think a large part is down to him being scared for your and babys future. My dad thinks im going to be living on benefits and off him and my mum forever and im not going to be able to achieve what i could of without a child, which is something he cant comprehend, hes never got a benefit in his life nor have any of his family or my mums. So i guess in a way it is just me letting him down. But i honestly have no doubt once Ava is here he wont think that at all, he will be proud and want to show off his grandchild and his daughter who is a great mum -which we all will be!!!!!

Id maybe say to your dad, look, ive not expected anything from you, i do my bit in the house, im sorry ive not gone down the route you wanted me too.. i.e job marriage babys, but you will do your best to provide everything you possibly can for scarlett and all you want from him is his love and support towards you and scarlett. nothing else.
Dont know if u pay rent or not but maybe just offer something once shes here and your money goes up a bit, get your mum to back you up it sounds like she understands both sides??

If the worst comes to the worst and you definately decide that you need to leave.. then you should maybe apply for a council house now, maybe by the time shes couple months you will get offered one. Private flats are fine too just look for a flat you like, find out the HB limit for a 2 bed for single mum and baby, and find a flat with 'x' amount of rent to match.. then apply to council for HB and council tax.

x

purpledahlia

I think thats a HUGE factor.

They not only cant comprehend the idea of a man treating a woman like this and doing what theyve done, but also they dont understand that women can do it alone just fine. IT wasnt done in their day.

lou_w34

Yeah, i know your right, it just wasnt how things were done in their day... and i would make an effort to understand that if he didnt call me names

My mum does too, and i feel so bad shes stuck in the middle all the time.

Hopefully he will think a bit differently once shes here, i just thought he'd gotten over the bad feelings, as he kept going on about helping me with names (even though id already picked it lol) and trying to get involved, and then he does a complete u-turn!

Beginning to think all men, young and old, are useless lol

xx