Is there such thing as too much access??

kpnutt · Nov 10th, 2009, 06:32 AM

Me and my bf are really not getting on and i think it would be best to go are seperate ways. But he is saying that he wants 50% access to our son, i feel he is being unfair as he works 7 nights in a row then has 7 days off. He wants it that he works 7 nights and when he finishes on monday morning that he has that day to sleep and then wants him from tue-sun. I feel that is too much time in one go and makes me feel like i'm his babysitter!
Do you think that i am being unfair?
sorry to rant, just bugging me so much

Midnight_Fairy · Nov 10th, 2009, 06:34 AM

You have to do whats best for you? My friend has her daughter one week and her ex the next week. This works for them. My ex sees the children on a friday afternoon- sunday.I dont particualy like it but hmph

lol

lou_w34 · Nov 10th, 2009, 06:49 AM

I think if it went to court, they would also most likely side with you that it is too much time away from you... However it does generally depend on how old the child is, when they are very young, most babies spend a lot of time with their mothers and the fathers access can be increased as they get older. That doesnt always happen though.

Im not sure how correct that is, but im sure if it did go as far as court he wouldnt get that kind of access.

sweetlullaby · Nov 10th, 2009, 07:08 AM

your not being unfair or ranting

I think it would depend on the age of the child/baby and whether you's can come to an agreement yourselves or through a solicitor or court...dont think a court would grant that much access because if its a baby they cant be away from their mother that much i dont think or if a young child they would have to look at the impact it would have on the child. Unsettling a usual daily routine, being away from mother that long could make the child upset, miss mummy, worry that mummy isnt coming back etc. I think a court has to take all that into account and dont think they would grant that much access epecially not straightaway! They might sort of build up to that but think it would take time and depends on his lifestyle/ job everything is taken into account!

Sorry havnt been much help

xx

starbucks101 · Nov 10th, 2009, 11:29 AM

how old is your child?

Usual court granted access is all day every wednesday (then changes due to nursery and school) and every other weekend friday from school 3pm to sunday at approx 6pm.

50-50 can work well but i wouldnt be comfortable with it.

i would say 1-2 day visits a week and then every other fri-sun providing your child isnt in any danger and isnt a little baby

staycutee · Nov 10th, 2009, 13:47 PM

its like he is saying the days he wants him and you just have to fit around it! doesnt sound very fair to me hun, its meant to be what works best for both of you. YOU are the mother so if anyone has more of a say i would say it should be you, not him

coccyx · Nov 10th, 2009, 13:57 PM

I don't think he expects her to fit around him, no point in having child when he is working! I feel it is reasonable access. Do you live together now, how old is the child all needs to be taken into account

kpnutt · Nov 11th, 2009, 07:39 AM

We are currently living together, my LO is 14 months old. I just dont know what to do. I know he would be heart broken if he only saw him a few times a week as he is a brillent dad. But i do think 6 days is too long, i would miss him sooo much and I wouldnt know what to do with myself. Why is it so hard

suzanne108 · Nov 14th, 2009, 08:15 AM

I don't think 50/50 access is particularly fair on the child. Depends on the childs age I suppose but especially if its a baby it'll need more of a set routine.

I'd suggest to FOB that he's being selfish by suggesting it and he needs to put LOs needs first

Nov 10th, 2009, 06:32 AM	#1
kpnutt Mum (Mom) Active BnB Member Join Date: Apr 2009 Location: Coventry Posts: 111	Is there such thing as too much access?? Me and my bf are really not getting on and i think it would be best to go are seperate ways. But he is saying that he wants 50% access to our son, i feel he is being unfair as he works 7 nights in a row then has 7 days off. He wants it that he works 7 nights and when he finishes on monday morning that he has that day to sleep and then wants him from tue-sun. I feel that is too much time in one go and makes me feel like i'm his babysitter! Do you think that i am being unfair? sorry to rant, just bugging me so much

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Nov 10th, 2009, 06:34 AM	#2
Midnight_Fairy Other BnB Elite Join Date: Oct 2009 Location: South Coast UK Posts: 17,330	You have to do whats best for you? My friend has her daughter one week and her ex the next week. This works for them. My ex sees the children on a friday afternoon- sunday.I dont particualy like it but hmph lol

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Nov 10th, 2009, 06:49 AM	#3
lou_w34 Mum (Mom) Chat Happy BnB Member Join Date: Apr 2009 Posts: 1,988	I think if it went to court, they would also most likely side with you that it is too much time away from you... However it does generally depend on how old the child is, when they are very young, most babies spend a lot of time with their mothers and the fathers access can be increased as they get older. That doesnt always happen though. Im not sure how correct that is, but im sure if it did go as far as court he wouldnt get that kind of access.

Status: Offline

Nov 10th, 2009, 07:08 AM	#4
sweetlullaby Mum (Mom) BnB Addict Join Date: Apr 2009 Location: Uk Posts: 6,338	your not being unfair or ranting I think it would depend on the age of the child/baby and whether you's can come to an agreement yourselves or through a solicitor or court...dont think a court would grant that much access because if its a baby they cant be away from their mother that much i dont think or if a young child they would have to look at the impact it would have on the child. Unsettling a usual daily routine, being away from mother that long could make the child upset, miss mummy, worry that mummy isnt coming back etc. I think a court has to take all that into account and dont think they would grant that much access epecially not straightaway! They might sort of build up to that but think it would take time and depends on his lifestyle/ job everything is taken into account! Sorry havnt been much help xx

Status: Offline

Nov 10th, 2009, 11:29 AM	#5
starbucks101 Mum (Mom) Chat Happy BnB Member Join Date: Sep 2008 Location: Norfolk Posts: 1,033	how old is your child? Usual court granted access is all day every wednesday (then changes due to nursery and school) and every other weekend friday from school 3pm to sunday at approx 6pm. 50-50 can work well but i wouldnt be comfortable with it. i would say 1-2 day visits a week and then every other fri-sun providing your child isnt in any danger and isnt a little baby

Status: Offline

Nov 10th, 2009, 13:47 PM	#6
staycutee Mum (Mom) Chat Happy BnB Member Join Date: Jun 2009 Location: London Posts: 2,166	its like he is saying the days he wants him and you just have to fit around it! doesnt sound very fair to me hun, its meant to be what works best for both of you. YOU are the mother so if anyone has more of a say i would say it should be you, not him

Status: Offline

Nov 10th, 2009, 13:57 PM	#7
coccyx Mum (Mom) BnB Addict Join Date: Nov 2007 Location: with the camels Posts: 2,578	I don't think he expects her to fit around him, no point in having child when he is working! I feel it is reasonable access. Do you live together now, how old is the child all needs to be taken into account

Status: Offline

Nov 11th, 2009, 07:39 AM	#8
kpnutt Mum (Mom) Active BnB Member Join Date: Apr 2009 Location: Coventry Posts: 111	We are currently living together, my LO is 14 months old. I just dont know what to do. I know he would be heart broken if he only saw him a few times a week as he is a brillent dad. But i do think 6 days is too long, i would miss him sooo much and I wouldnt know what to do with myself. Why is it so hard

Status: Offline

Nov 14th, 2009, 08:15 AM	#9
suzanne108 Mum (Mom) BnB Addict Join Date: Aug 2009 Location: Manchester Posts: 6,844	I don't think 50/50 access is particularly fair on the child. Depends on the childs age I suppose but especially if its a baby it'll need more of a set routine. I'd suggest to FOB that he's being selfish by suggesting it and he needs to put LOs needs first

Status: Offline

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