I wondered if this has happened to anyone or does anyone have any thoughts about the situation.

I found out I was pregnant (unplanned) in the middle of August and because my boyfriend lives elsewhere during uni breaks I called him. He just didn't answer the phone so although not ideal I texted him the news that I am pregnant. I texted quite a few times and emailed him, but have not heard any thing from him at all. This was 6 weeks ago. He should be back here now at Uni, but still no contact. I emailed him on Friday and so he might reply this week. I don't know.

I just find it so frustrating not knowing his decisions. Does he want to be involved in the baby's life?, Is he just in shock just now and will come round?, Has he dumped me?

Its so horrible him pretending I don't exist.

I think I could accept whatever he wanted to do, but for him to not have a conversation with me about it. I just find that really hard.

The way I see it just now is that I am single and doing it alone, but I just want him to talk to me.

It is getting to the stage where I think I will contact his parents as I know their business address. Is that a bad idea?

Has anyone else experience this running away or ignoring?

What an idiot (him not you!!)

I do think it takes men longer to come round, I don't know why, must be because we are much more mature !! Seriously, I do think it takes them a while to get their heads round an unplanned pregnancy..but that doesn't excuse the fact that he's ignored you. He probably is in shock...maybe he'll come round I don't know.

When I found out I was pregnant the FOB was in complete and utter shock. He didn't ignore me but he begged and begged me to get an abortion, I refused and about a week or two later he finally came round after a talking to from his brother! All was good for about 3 weeks then he decided he couldn't do it....and off he went! Well, to be honest it was kinda mutual that we split, but I felt forced into it. Things would never have been the same between us.

With your FOB...personally I think 6 weeks is plenty time for him to get his head around it. You need to desperately try and get in touch with him...if he tells you that things are over and you have to go it alone, at least you know and you can carry on with your life. You must be so stressed and its really not a good time in your pregnancy to be feeling that way he should at least have the decency to explain to you how he is feeling.

Contacting his parents is an option but I wouldn't do that until you have tried your very hardest to speak with him. Maybe even write to them saying that they have a grandchild on the way, you are letting them know as you don't know if they know or not since FOB has not contacted you or returned calls/texts since you told him. A kinda friendly letter as you don't want to go badmouthing their son - they might turn on you. I'm not sure its the best idea... but I would be tempted to do it - see what other peoples opinions are first.

Finally, if he has decided he doesn't want to be a part of your lives then try not to worry too much, you WILL cope although the thought of being a single mother is pretty upsetting at first, I've definitely come round to the idea. I read the threads in other sections where people moan about their OHs and I feel lucky I don't have to put up with some of the things they do! And if he comes back apologising and wanting to make a go of things, just be very careful and make sure everything is happening for the right reason.

Good luck and keep us updated xxx

Im sorry your going through this right now and i know what its like.I told my boyfriend that i was pregnant he said get an abortion i said no and he txted me saying it wasnt his because he cant have children (utter crap basically) Then he changed his number and changed the access code to his apartment block.Security wont leave you in without the code.I dont want anything from him but his medical history, i get that he doesnt want anything to do with me or his child and i know its his loss.I genuinly thought he'd come around to be honest but now it looks like my baby will have nothing to do with their daddy.

I left it for a few weeks before i tried to track him down, to give him time to think but even still i havnt been able to get a hold of him so im leaving it now, his parents live abroad aswell.I would find a way to contact him as soon as you can, go to his house or anything you can!! If you can at all leave the parents out if you still cant get to talk to him then go to the parents.

Its really extreemly hurtful when they do this and i have had days where i cry and cry not for my ex but for my baby because their father denies them and wont have anything to do with them.Look after yourself right now and if you have a friend who can help you with this then get them on board.My mum has been very helpful as i havnt felt emotionally strong enough to deal with him and she has taken on the task of tracking him down for the medical history.Hope your ok as i know this is very hard and if you need to talk then pm me anytime

Well, I guess I'm kinda in a similiar-ish postion. My other half has 'dissappeared' too. It's been over a week since I last attempted to contact him and I've stopped trying now. I don't know where he is, what he is thinking, or if he's going to be there for me and the baby. It's nearly 5am and I'm up wondering if he's gonna put his name on the birth certificate or not!
This is my second pregnancy by a different father the first (my now 3 1/2 year old) was just of much of a mess, but I can blame that partly on my ignorance as a teenager (not that all teens are ignorant hehe!) and I always swore to myself I'd never make this mistake again...I can honestly say I'm devastated and I'm slowly working my way towards the idea that I'm gonna go through this all alone again and as much as I feel for my baby and the future, I miss my OH every single day and I just want to talk to him. It's worse that there was no 'breakup' as such. Just that he's decided to vanish.

I can understand your frustration. All you can do is keep trying to contact him every so often - 6 weeks is a while, but from past experiance it sounds that by avoiding you he's probably burying his head in the sand.

I would say, keep trying to get hold of him and save contacting the parents until a little later on. I think it's definitely essential once the baby is born, but for now maybe try to wait a little longer to see if you get some response from him.

Obviously, I don't have a clue what his personality is like, but I have found that sometimes by contacting family members at an early stage it can drive a wedge between the two parents and cause some resentment - as presumably he wouldn't of told them yet. But at the end of the day, you need to do what your gut is telling you to do.

Whatever happens just try to stay strong, and remember that you are stronger than you think you are!

Thanks Suzanne , I have been finding this situation very stressful.I think I would actually even like it if he contacted me to convince me to get an abortion(well maybe not!!), at least then I would know his views and the waiting would be over. Thanks for writing all that. You made me feel better x

And yeah I will update when and if he ever contacts me!

Thanks Shocker.
Your mum sounds lovely, "taking on the task"!
Its unbelievable I think (them ignoring us; can't believe yours changed his number and security code!). i think it's making me become a bit crazy and stalkerish. Like I want to turn up after his lecture and catch him out! Or write a letter to his parents telling them I'm pregnant. I feel stupid writing these texts and emails and never getting any replies! I did give up for three weeks and then tried contacting again, but I just need some closure. If it were just me and him I would leave it, but since we have a baby on the way, there are decisions to be made. i am ok, but i do find it difficult to deal with him ignoring me being pregnant. Thanks I prob will pm at some point. xxx

Thanks,

just wondered how did you tell him you were pregnant? Did you tell him face to face? I am also a single parent already and I can relate with your feeling that we sort of just shouldn't have let it happen again. My children are 14 and 10 and I am 32.

I think my gut says not to tell his parents although some days I think the opposite. i feel really he should be the one to tell them. However if he doesn't speak to me at all and i have given birth I think I would definitely contact them because they have a right to know they have a grandchild.

I'm pretty much the same as you. i am gutted that he has decided to end things without even having a discussion with me. i would quite happily have commited seriously to him yet he obviously doesn't see me in that way.

Another thing, I find it hard to imagine why a man who gets a woman pregnant wouldn't even want to see the child when its born. I wonder if that will happen to me? I also think about the birth certificate. Does the father have to be there for you to put his name down? I would want to put his name on the certificate but use my surname for the baby.
xxx

Hi Surprisebaby, I just wanted to send you some hugs, Ive never gone through this situation but I just wanted to say that you are all very strong ladies on this thread and you need to feel proud of yourselves for that. These " boys " dont know what its like to be a real man and step up, so id feel sorry for them. They will end up miserable, how they sleep at night I dont know. How old is your partner surprisebaby? Has he changed his number? Thats awful behaviour, do you know what uni he is at as you could go straight to the university and demand to see him as " the father of your child " Id probably try that if I was in this situation. Too all the other ladies on this thread, who have disappearing partners Im sure the CSA could help? http://www.csa.gov.uk/en/maintenance/ Might be worthwhile having a read on the site or giving them a call and see what there advice would be. It gets me so angry because if this happened in the states there ass could be sent to jail if they refused to pay any child support!

Thanks EternalRose,

He is 21 and yes I know what university he goes to. I actually pass it most days, because it is on the way to the centre of town and near my son's school, so I feel it's only a matter of time till we bump into each other. He hasn't changed his mobile number as far as I'm aware, but unfortunately I deleted it at one point (about 4 weeks ago) because I wanted it to be him that contacted me and not me chasing him. I only have his email address. I no longer no where he lives because he has got new accomodation for this year.

Gosh I can't imagine going to the university and saying that, I wouldn't know who to say it to for a start!! An idea was to find out his timetable and see what lectures he has and meet him outside. Although this seems a good idea in theory it kind of also freaks me out, if I could deal with such an intense situation cos he'll be with his friends perhaps or might just be horrible to me (Not that he has ever been horrible to me in the past. Quite the opposite. Has always been really charming and polite.) But maybe I should just be brave and do it!

I did send him an email on Friday. just asking him to get in contact and told him my scan date etc and said he could come along.. I also said that I might if he doesn't contact me very soon have no choice but to go through his parents!! (a little bit of a threat there!!!). So hopefully the thought of that happening makes him contact me as the nicer option.

Anyway I shall keep the thread posted of new news!
xx

Hun, as for the meeting him at uni thing I was talking from my point of view, confrontation doesnt really worry me. I can be quite scary sometimes but I think this silent rubbish he is giving you needs to stop. He has had his vacation, its now time for him to man up. Im so GLAD you have his parents number, I would just call them right now hun. He cant just carry on thinking this baby will go away! xxx