Hi Everyone,

Before I start I just want to thank the people that replied to my last post for all the kind words about being a single pregnant mum, and so say Im so sorry for not coming back to anyone as it was November last year when I posted and I didnt come back to the site until now so please forgive me xx

Ok I am now 38 weeks, and have been battling with myself as to what to do when bump finally puts in an appearance.

Do I tell the dad when he arrives or not??

Half of me thinks yes he has every right to know but the other half of me dosnt want to open what could be a very large can of worms.

I didnt hear anything from him from when I was first pregnant up until I was 20 weeks (Feb 09) when I thought I would do the decent thing and invite him up for the 20 week scan knowing how important it was. It seemed as if he would come but then he just wanted to know if I still loved him and when I said no and that I was inviting him to give him the chance of being a father, he turned on me, saying he would never be a father to my son.

That was the last time I have heard from him and I feel so bitter towards him now, I have had a dreadful pregnancy and he knows nothing about it, he hasnt even bothered to send a single text or anything to see if all is ok.

Now Im just stumped as to if I tell him when he arrives or just say nothing, any advice would be greatly appreciated. Sorry to be a pain

It is a tricky one hun. With me I wont be able to tell the father when the baby arrives, as he as made it pretty much impossible for me to even contact him in anyway. I have no idea at all where he is. But I do often wonder if there was a way to tell him, would i? On one had I think well yes it's their child too they have a right to know but then I sit there and think well if they were actually bothered and wanted to know then they would get in contact and show some interest.

I think I would say why should you make the effort to tell him when he has not bothered this whole time, and I understand your bitterness as I feel exactly the same. He knows that your pregnant with his child, and I am guessing he has some idea when your due? So surely if he wants to know he will get in contact with you.

I really don't know what to say is the best thing to do, as its like you say he has every right to know but then I think has he lost his rights to know with being as he has been and not bothered at all.

I am sorry I cant be of any help really, but just wanted to say I know where your coming from and I will actually also be interested to see what opinions others have.

Its such a tough situation to be in hun - my ex told me when i was 12wks that he wants nothing to do with me or his unborn child ra ra ra. I figure i'll text him when his son is born and its up to him if he wants to sign forms or make and effort. if he doesn't then i wont bother making any effort to chase him and get him to be a father.

Either way, u'll be everything ur baby needs and if the father doesnt want to be there - its his loss. My DD's father (different to this babys father) hasnt seen her since she was 6mths old - shes not 4yo. There are some jerks out there - and frankly i think us and our kids are better off.

Thank you to you both for replying, I find it bizarre just how many people are in the same kind of situation, and I think of these dads that just cant be bothered, it stuns me!!

Hopefully more people will reply to the thread as it would be interesting to see others views too.

Thanks loads and good luck xx

Hi dolly.

I will be telling mine purely on the basis that in later life she asks me if I told him she was born I want to be able to say yes, knowing that at least I made the effort.

I am in the unfortunate situation in that I work beside my ex so he will know anyway when she is born

I send him all pics of the scans etc for the same reason I described above

Good luck with whatever decision you take.

Xxx

Didnt wanna read and run, but im gonna be talking to the father of mine and sorting things out like this, i dont want him at the delivery, but its ver difficuly situation xxx

I'm not a single mum, but my own dad has nothing to do with me and my siblings for the last 6 years so hopefully you wont mind my advice

I'd tell him, just a text to say "your son was born on blah blah at blah blah" and leave it at that, that way you've tried and your son can't then turn around and possibly blame you for never telling his dad or anything

I told DD's father about 3 weeks after i had her, i took a few weeks to get my head round being a mum and being alone, to bond with her and to just settle into the complete change of my life.

I just sent an email saying when i had her, how much she was etc.. and attached a few hospital pics. He has nothing to do with her but has aload of pictures up untill she was about 6 months. then he started being an idiot again so we have nothing to do with eachother which suits me fine

I am not in this position but i agree with edinsam, if you do tell means that when your baby is older you can say that you at least tried.
I wouldnt rush in and tell him, i would wait till your strong enough after delivery and well bonded with baby.xxx

For what its worth he sounds like a tosser and your far better off on your own xxx

I think you should give him one chance, men often change when they actually see a baby, as doesn't seem real to them before like it does to us. Tell him baby is here and leave it open to him from there, at least you will always know you were the reasonable one.