Unfortunately, there are some men who wake up and realise they ARE a dad when their child is born - but most that have already walked away and chosen to have nothing to do with u or their unborn child, willl continue to be that way. I split with my DD's bio father when i was 4mths pregnant and he only stuck around until she was 6mths old cuz he thought i'd take him back. When he realised i wasn't getting back together with him, he was long gone. We live in the same town - and he hasn't seen her since. She's now nearly 4.5yo.

Like i mentioned in my prev. post, i definitely think its best to at least send a message or email or letter etc with birth details and acknowledge them as the father and that way u can always hold ur head up and say "i did the right thing and told him when his son/daughter was born".... after that, the ball is in his court. It's up to him to make the effort.

I'm not expecting my baby's father to make any effort after his son is born in Oct, but who knows. I'll tell him anyway and maybe send a pic. Goodness only knows what goes through these men's heads!! *sigh*

My mum told my ex as I was ill.. we didn't speak throughout the whole pregnancy and he suddenly wanted to come up.. I didn't want him there and his mum was constantly phoning asking for information to get absolutely nothing as I'd requested.

It's truely upto you though..

hey hun my ex does want to be involved, although we are not getting on at the moment, and i will tell him, but probably wouldn't be the first thing i do, as he has hurt me so much. i agree with edinsam that if you tell him, you know that you tried and the ball is then in his court and you can tell your child when it is older that you did make the effort.

also agree with jesse that some men don't see themselves as a dad until they see baby when it is born, kinda think that this is how my ex is going to feel, won't know until the time comes!

everyone is in different situations and only you can decide at the time whether you want him in your childs life. it will be his loss, not yours.

xx

Thanks everyone that replied, kind of all feeling the same way about the situation, I know he deserves to know, and I dont want to be the one that my baby turns to later on and says did you do everything you could? However there is a part of me that is very bitter towards him for letting me do this on my own, and I just feel that it dosnt take a rocket scientist to work out that a pregnancy takes 9 months and he knows when he is due.
Well Induction on Monday so need to make up my mind pretty fast ey!!

Thanks again xx

just thought i'd let you know that i am in a similar boat...i will NOT be telling the ex when my baba is here ... there is a lot of contributing factors in this but just thought i'd let you know if you decid NOT to tell him you won't be the only one

I haven't told my ex that my son is born.

I gave him enough chances in the beginning to take an interest, but he never made any effort, so why should I?

I don't want him to even look at my son, so there's no way I'm supplying him with information about him that may make him take an interest.

Hey girls, hope you don't mind me butting in, just wanted to gve a diferent oppinion. My situation is quite different, however it may still give you all smething to think about. When I my older siblings were born, my parents rung my grandmother, and she basically said "so what" and hung up on them....sooo...when I was born, they never bothered. Although I get why they did it, it still makes me upset that my own grandmother doesn't know I exist. I am now 20, have no idea where she is and have never met her, and I still geet annoyed that she doesnt kow her own granddaughter exists. As I said, quite different from your situations but the feelings are similar

Yes i would tell him
It is upto him if he has anything to do with his child, but deep down in years to come when she/he asks you can always say i told your dad you was born

Hey I was in the same situation. My ex used (and still does use) my son as a means of getting me back and now he realises theres no chance of it, he uses my son for revenge. It's not on.

It's entirely your choice what you do hun, though be warned he may do as my ex has, and use baby as a weapon against you in a way to hurt you for not going back to him.

In hindsight, I wish I'd have never told him I was pregnant that I'd just left in silence, or that if I had have told him, that I'd have not argued with him when he was denying paternity so that he would have left me alone. I wish I hadn't have told him baby was born, though he knew my due date and for weeks up to it he was constantly emailing saying 'is the baby here, is the baby here' because he had the idea in his head, I didnt want him because of pregnancy hormones and that after baby I'd want him back again. Wrong. But that's why I'm now being dragged threw courts for no reason. All because I said no.

I would say have a serious think about it, though if he's already said that he doesn't want anything to do with baby, and you don't really want him there, maybe it's best not to if he's going to be a 'there when it suits him' father

Hope everything works out ok x