For those of us trying to conceive for a long, long time, there is a very constant, very normal, very biting and very grating sense of resentment when a person gets pregnant on their first month or within a couple of months of trying. Those "Yay, BFP" posts from those that do not understand our heartache fill us with a burning in our stomach; a burning emptiness that comes from both hurt, at the fact that they got something we want, and emptiness in the literal sense, because we don't have anything growing inside of us.

For awhile, there is guilt. "I'm a terrible person," we think, "because I should be happy for those who have what I want."

We think we are awful. We sink a little, ashamed by our reaction, and when the hurt fades we might be able to admit that we are happy for these people.

I've been thinking about it alot, though, today especially since I saw three pregnant clients, all of whom are facing jail time, and I wanted to smack them all for breaking the law when they have something so special; such a perfect gift.

It IS natural that we feel this way. It's natural to want to scream, to curl our hands into fists of frustration, to feel bitter, to feel upset.

I liken it, now, to a long queue in a shop. You've been waiting for hours and hours. You've lined up patiently. You've been nice. You've been polite to the shop assistants and you've grinned and bore it all, yet there are still 100 people in front of you. Yet, you still wait. You still wait because you are desperate for whatever is being sold. You might have even camped out the night before, hoping to get further in line. You might resort to bribery; paying for the pleasure.

Then, when you are feeling at your lowest, at your most dejected, your most tired, when you are feeling that the world is the most unfair, a girl gets her husband to pull up outside the shop door. On the kerb. In a disabled spot, perhaps. She runs out of the car. She ignores the queue that has built up in her absence for hours.

She moves straight to the front. Gets what she wants straight away, without suffering, without waiting, without wanting it so badly that she'd pay for the pleasure, without camping out for hours on end. Perhaps this is your tenth time trying to purchase this item without success, yet without any effort at all she manages to do it, first hand.

We resent the people who move to the front of the queue, bypassing those of us that have patiently waited in line. It's natural to feel let down, to feel hard done by, to wonder WHY THE FECK NOT US?

It's human nature. It's frustrating. And, it IS unfair.

That's why I'm not going to feel guilty for it any more.

Very well said! I agree entirely. The only thing is, I have never felt guilty for feeling that way. Maybe that makes me a bad person.......nah.

funny you said that ...we just couple weeks ago connect with a couple ( husband work with mine ) and they just start to try to conceive this month and guess what she is pregnant ...boom first time trying ....anyway my husband just told me this morning he wanted to wait after my operation on friday ( i don't think it will have made a diference the way i felt to find out today tomorrow or friday anyway...
but i felt guilty for a sec...i did imagine my husband riding the train ( they take the same public transportation to go to work) with this new friend and this guy telling him about his big new ...i did felt guilty about it...i felt bad for my husband ...

but like you said i should not feel this way ...nobody should...

I agree. You shouldnt feel guilty, because it is unfair.

I know i have a son already, and i am grateful for him, but ive been TTC#2 for 11 months now (in 4 days!), i know its no where near as long and as painful as you girls here in the LTTTC forums, but i am starting to feel bitter, and fed up, and sick of reading the BFP posts.

I noticed the other day that someone had got a BFP, but had a child who was younger than the time ive been TTC#2 (if u know what i mean) and it really really hurt.

I am getting so fed up. But ive no idea what u girls are going through, and how u cope.

We cope because we have to. We are strong chicks!

What I also find difficult is the people who come in here and wave their new purchase in our faces. It's not cruel intentionally but it's tactless. You wouldn't go to the person at the back of a long line with your brand new Wii Fit and say "Look, look, I got one. Isn't it fantastic? I do hope you get one eventually, though."

It's hard. It's hard knowing that 37 months ago you came off the pill and FUCK ALL has happened (though for maybe half of that you were not effectively trying for it to but still banging away every other day because it's what you've always done!) when there are people who only came off it at the end of November and are now celebrating the conception of their first child.

That's like 37 sales where you line up to get your item and 37 times it selling out when you get to the front of the queue.

i guess as much it hurt for me to see it i do understand the overwhelming feeling a woman must feel when she see those 2 lines and want to scream it at very one they see...i don't know if i call it cruel or tactless it's just our ttc situation unfair not them ...

hang in there friend

I could not have said it better myself.

Curlysue you have summed up so eloquently (sp?!) what i have been trying to figure out in my own head for soooooo long! I read your thread nodding and agreeing - you've really hit the nail on the head with the queue analogy.

Thankyou x

To come into a LTTTC thread to do it, though? I have seen it done before, and will probably see it again, and I will NEVER understand it. What makes them think it will "give us hope"?