Well, it's coming up to Christmas, now (56 days and counting) and the only thing I want for Christmas is a baby. It is. It's all I want. It's all I'm asking Santa for but I just have this sneaking suspicion that it's going be like my 7th Christmas all over again, where all I wanted was a pair of rollerboots and that was the one thing that 'he' didn't bring me. Oh, he brought me a doll, but that wasn't the same.

OH is taking me to Vegas for Christmas, and I sound like a generally spoiled brat but...it's just not the same.

It's not a baby.

I don't know if I can get pregnant. I really don't. I've never been pregnant. Not once. In all the years I've been off the pill I've never once seen a BFP. I've never felt a flutter and I've never had a scare. Oh, once, I missed three periods in a row but that turned out to be nothing as well.

I worry that I CAN'T get pregnant, and I worry that there is no true reason for that. I worry that I'll NEVER get pregnant, even if I do go through treatment.

The only thing in this world that I want, apart from being happy, is to see those two lines on a test.

That's all I want for Christmas this year...

I hope you get your wish sweetie. Keep your chin up and don't give up hope!

honey- that is all I want for Christmas too - I'm asking Mr. Storky, Santa, God, my psychic (I really hope that does not sound blasphemous... it is really true - I have asked them all )

A trip to vegas does sound fun though hon. At least it is better than getting a doll. That would be really depressing.

Big big

Just to know I COULD get pregnant would be a bonus but that sperm has never met that egg and I don't know why.

I only hope that someone is listening. The wish granter general.

I hope so too hon - I really do. I am thinking of you and sending you beautiful fertile thoughts.

Know exactly how you feel. Why does it always feel so much worse at Christmas!?

I watched a gorgeous, quirky little film the other night called In Bruges. Beautiful looking movie, set at Christmas time in that strange little city. In one scene, there is this heavily pregnant woman stroking her stomach as she hangs Christmas decorations from a tree.

I so badly wanted that.

I hope you get your Christmas wish. I really do.

Hey chick - i know how you feel i really do.
What meds have they got you on - are you ovulating okay? (i saw clomid on the footer).
I'm sure that is just round the corner for you - i really am.
As for In Bruges - i loved it too! Although the gory scene at the end was a bit much!!! x

Was the climax of the scene. Very necessary. They were playing on the theme of Hieronymous Bosch's Last Day on Earth with the pain and the blood and the masks. Was very reminiscent of the painting the character liked so much. Plus, the dwarf in the school uniform had to die that way if only to bring about Ralph Fiennes honouring his promise to shoot himself in the mouth if he ever killed a kid.

I loved it. I loved that the character most probably died at the end but you were left to draw your own conclusions. I just loved the film.

As for meds, I am on Clomid. Up to 100mg now because ovulation on 50mg was questionable because of temps. I don't think I've ovulated on 100mg either. The test strips have been dead-blank every single day.

I just can't imagine ever getting pregnant. Ever.

And, I don't know what any of us have done to deserve this...