Hi, hope you don't mind but just need to write down how i feel.

Was due to start down regging injections on the 4th nov but we had the cycle post-poned.

I had a scan on the 2nd of oct to check for a cyst as i have a history of these and thought i had another. Was told they saw something on the screen at the scan but that it was a follicle.

Went for my pre-treatment scan on tuesday just gone, found a 6cm blood filled cyst and that i have a fluid filled blocked tube.

I feel so angry that this wasn't spotted at the earlier scan as to be told everyting is ok and then 3wk later it isn't is so upsetting.

Have had 2 operations before for cysts and endo and just feel beaten by it and can't cope with another operation. I know its the only way forward to get the baby we long for but its just so unfair.

Am trying to pick myself up and stop feeling sorry for myself but i can't seem to do it.

How do you cope when everything seems to be against you?

Sorry for such a downer of a post but had to get it out.

Anyone got any suggestions to pick you up and to try and think positive again

thanks for reading this

nik

Hey Nik

Huge big hun.

Have the said when you will be scheduled to have it sorted and when you can get back on the road to IVF? Can they get you in before Christmas so that you can start 2009 with optimism and a smiley face?

I'm so very sorry hun, that is really awful. I know they should have picked it up at an earlier scan but thank god they picked it up now rather than after you started DR. You will be okay, i've a feeling in my water xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

That's awful hun. I hope it isn't too long til you get yourself sorted and back on the IVF road. Sending you a huge

Thanks for your well wishes
Gosh, wasn't i on a downer last nite

Rachelle- Am ringing the hospital tomorrow to see if they can give me an idea of when i can get this op out of the way. I got my copy of the referal letter from the clinic yesterday so they should have their's too. Am hoping to maybe get the op done before xmas and then maybe start ivf febuary/march time all being well.

Hope you are all ok

nik

Oh hun, I really don't know what to say to that, except you are more than welcome to come on here and let it all out, it needs to come out at some time.

I'm really keeping my fingers crossed that they can fit you in before Christmas

So sorry you feel so sad honey.

I havent any magic way of getting myself positive again - but whenever I feel like this I allow myself to wallow for a few days - cos you shouldnt have to apologize for the way that you feel - you are not feeling sorry for yourself - you have been kicked in the teeth by life again and you are allowed to be angry and sad about it. Then I focus on the next thing - so the next appt date or the next operation - and just get myself to there. cos its too hard to think long term - better to concentrate on the small hurdles that you have to get over and the small battles that you can win - cos then when you get through another op you can be proud of yourself and say 'look what I've achieved' before you move onto the next hurdle.

Fingers crossed that you get your appt. soon.

B x x

oh no nik I hope your feeling better now. I know the waiting is just terrible. The hospitals can seem so slow at times. Did you get any pain now that you have a large cyst and your tubeis aso blocked? Will they remove a tube this time aswell? Won't that leave you with just one tube? I'm realy sorry but I don't mean to be insensitive but I get loads of pain too and Dr just won't do anyting about it and I just have to wait for hospital appointments which are two months away. The pain just comes and goes and I think it may also be a cyst growing, bursting and then starting all over again?

Beckie- you made me cry even more. Was so sweet what you put and bang on too. Think its time for little hurdles again rather than just thinking about starting ivf etc... Think its just hard because you see other people getting on with there lives and mine is no further forward than it was 2 1/2 years ago. Still waiting for another op. How are you anyhow. How long you been ttc?

Tryingforever- Sorry you have pain hun. Wouldn't wish this on anybody
Yes i get pain, thats how i knew deep down that things weren't right. Thats why i asked for a scan originally. The fertility clinic want them to take the tube but its upto the hospital wat they decide to do. Yes it will only leave me with the one tube but i can't get pregnant naturally anyhow so i don't really need it.
I would insist on them doing something. You are the one in pain not them. It would be nice not to have to have surgery for these things but it can't be helped sometimes.

speak soon

nik

[QUOTE=bryany1;1009280]Beckie- you made me cry even more. Was so sweet what you put and bang on too. Think its time for little hurdles again rather than just thinking about starting ivf etc... Think its just hard because you see other people getting on with there lives and mine is no further forward than it was 2 1/2 years ago. Still waiting for another op. How are you anyhow. How long you been ttc?


Sorry I made you cry honey.
Know exactly what you mean about your life not moving forward. I am 2 1/2 years TTC as well - and just feel that all that time has passed me by whilst I have been living my life in two week blocks. I worry that I am going to look back on this time in years to come and think 'what a waste' - but I cant give up - I want a family so much.
I am in my first cycle after my lap and dye and hoping that a good clean out might have done the trick. My DH has poor morphology and has had a detailed SA done - we get the result back on tuesday so just trying to get to Tuesday without cracking up.
Sending you lots of hun.

Bx x x