Mynxie

Alot of us have had hurtful comments in our TTC journeys.

What things have been said to you?

I thought that we could all moan/vent/cry together....

Mynxie

when I got pregnant the first time

• stupid girl, how will you cope with a baby when you can't even walk properly?
• how will you look after a baby if you can't look after yourself?

When I miscarried

• get back on the pill
• (when I'd mentioned to the nurse at the doctors surgery that I'd got a kitten) Oh, so that'll be your baby?
• It wasn't the right time for you
• At least you weren't further along
• Don't bloody get upset, I can't be bothered with you getting all upset
• You'd have one about the same age as my LO now if you hadn't lost it (she gave birth on my due date)

About TTC

• It'll happen when God wants it to, not when you do
• Just relax
• You're next
• Oh you're still young, plenty of time yet
• I can just feel that you'll have a baby soon, so stop worrying about it (completely unprovoked, was talking about something completely unrelated to TTC/children etc)
• Just get drunk and let him do what he wants, that's how I got pregnant
• Book a holiday that you can't be pregnant for and the week before you go you'll find out that you're pregnant
• You must have (insert something....anything from PCOS to chlamydia to menopause)
• well, how can you not have had a baby yet?
• but your disabled!
• Just forget about it
• some people aren't meant to be parents
• just adopt (ironically I would adopt, but I don't think that it's an avenue that I could explore because I need care myself and I think that it would be just as heartbreaking as TTC)

Chocoholic

I am horrified! These comments are so mean, rude, hurtful...!!! I could go on and on! I'm so sorry Mynxie

I don't think I got anything this bad.

Once I was talking to a friend about babies/TTC (not sure exactly what) and she said "you don't have endometriosis or anything, do you?" with a completely weird, "are-you-infertile" look on her face

Mynxie

some people are really hurtful, i think what hurts the most is that it's loved ones who say these things - anyone else you'd raise holy Hell with but when it's loved ones you are more than slightly taken aback

Chocoholic

Very true...

I didn't tell any close friends or family that we're TTC. It's just a few friends who know, and I'm not too close to them.

I'm not going to tell anyone until I'm 8 weeks pregnant, 12 if I can keep it in that long...

When people ask if we want kids yet, I always say "we do but not right now," "we're planning" or "we need to stabilize our jobs first," any reasonable response that I can think of.

Mynxie

I can't really hide that we've been TTC for a long time, with 3 mcs lol
If i do get pregnant again and it's successful, I'll be having an early scan (even if I have to pay for it myself!!) and we'll not tell anyone til after the scan. If I get pregnant again and MC again, I'll tell those that I feel should know that I MCd again. If I don't get pregnant again, well, I don't get pregnant again, simple as that. SIL and DHs mate know that we've been to the fertility clinic, as does my best mate, but no one else IRL

Chocoholic

That's a good plan. I hope you won't miscarry again. Lot of sticky to you!

Here, we get a scan as soon as we get a positive HPT. Just to confirm the pregnancy and check to make sure it's not ectopic. Then, you go a week later for a dating ultrasound, to measure the baby and figure out conception and due date. I wish the English health system were more sensitive in the early pregnancy state.

FJL

Things that have been said to me by family and close friends who know we're having trouble TTC:

* If IVF doesn't work you can just adopt like all the famous actresses
* I just can't believe it because I am so fertile I wouldn't know what its like
* I wish I didn't have baby #2 i'm sick of changing shitty nappies...followed by 'i'd be shattered if I got pregnant again'
* You're lucky you don't have to lose weight, I have all this baby weight to lose
* You just need to relax and stop thinking about it, it worked for me (coz it only took you 2 months you stupid cow)
* Damn, I really want my kids to have some cousins
* I told my 'then' best friend that we have major sperm problems and she laughed...hahah, so funny That hurt the most
* You have no idea how hard it is once you have kids (yeah, I wish I did know

So many more, I think i've blocked out most of them for obvious reasons.

pixielou

It's so horrid all these comments that we all have.

Mine are;

You should buy yourself a kitten, dog or hamster / GP
Your still Young
Try to relax it's probbly that your stressed
Youv'e got ten minutes to discuss things with me / consultant

and the latest by oH last night after rowing he said 'well i'm not gonna go tomorrow to get sperm test', so I said 'good' to which he replied something along the lines of 'well you can't conceive anyway'!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Well iwas shocked asked him to repeat what he had said and he said ' didn't you hear'. Now we have been arguing alot over the weekend but there is no excuse. Ifelt so hurt so I left my dinner and said that I wasn't hungry and walked into the bedroom and he said 'yeh, go and cry'!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Why is he being so mean??????????????

Does anyone experience this????

Mynxie

Yes, my husband said a right nasty thing to me a few weeks ago in an argument.
I think it's his way of coping, - when he can't deal with thinks he's not always nice and says some very hurtful things.

thinking of you sweetheart xxxxxxx