FJL

I am so sick of being jealous of women who are pregnant or have babies and/or small children.

I'm sick of ending friendships because the jealousy and sadness that comes with finding out they're pregnant hurts me too badly to carry on the relationship.

I just wish I could be happy for them, I REALLY want to be happy for them without the reminder that I am not pregnant, not even close.

I'm scared that very soon i'll end up with no friends. I'm too scared to make new friends incase they get pregnant. I think its just my way of protecting myself but in the long run i'm depriving myself of support, love and friendship.

I know its normal to feel this way but I don't know if its normal to be quite as jealous and bitter as what I am.

Whenever I find out someone I know is pregnant or has just had a baby, or even if I see a stranger who is pregnant or with a baby or small child, this is me - followed by followed by and I just cannot shake that feeling.

I know I may seem selfish to feel this way but the thing is I don't WANT to feel like this, I don't CHOOSE to feel like this, but I do and I can't help that.

Anyone else the same? How do you deal with the BFP's, bumps and babies???

Sinead

Yes, I know exactly how you feel and was having the same conversation with my sister yesterday. I miscarried in January and would have been due on 25th September, my SIL is due in 4 weeks and at the moment that is killing me. I don't know how I should be dealing with this and it feels like its something I shouldn't talk about to people IYKWIM. I am happy for them but hurting inside

FJL

God its just so hard.

I worry because I can't be happy for them, not 1 little bit. I can only be truly happy for LTTC'ers and still then there is jealousy attached.

For fertile people who fall naturally and easily, even my own sister who I am close to, I am not happy for them, not one little bit, just completely miserable. I know how terrible that sounds...

Sinead

It doesn't sound terrible - just honest. Don't beat yourself up about the way you feel. To me its natural to feel jealous because someone has something you want, its human nature.

I'm sure we all go through this - some for a short period, others for ages, I know I have felt like I HATE everyone that is pregnant or has a new born. It is definitely so hard, I have been offered councelling from a friend of my MIL and am seriously thinking of taking her up on this offer. Maybe its worth you looking into that too?

pixielou

Funnily enough I was out yesterday with my friend for lunch and we were talking about this and I said that even thought this whole ttc thing is difficult I'm not too bad when it comes to my friends being pregnant. The thing is these friends of mine who are are not my closet friends so I have no idea how I might feel when they do fall pregnant! I said to my friend that maybe I'm blocking out how I really feel and that I should feel upset as that would be the normal way! Maybe It's my coping strategy and I'm not true too myself?? If that makes any sesnse!?!

Wobbles

Its extremely hard & normal to feel as you do

Wanting to be happy for someone expecting what you want is the hardest thing and near enough impossible whist deep down you want to be as you have said at the end of the day reality is you want this and until that day comes then why should you be happy for others! Yer maybe it does sound selfish to some but we all have to look out f or our own dreams x

2 things stick in my mind from my journey:

I couldn't stand seeing a stranger with a big bump & once the cashier girl at Tesco was showing the customer her scan *boy why did I pick that til* I honestly wanted to say stfu and scan the damn food will you!

A so called friend (mutters bitch) sent me a text message when I opened it it was a pregnancy stick with a BFP - what angered me was she knew I was going through a hard month.Wanted to ram that pee stick up her rear end for being such an inconsiderate cow.

Try not to push good friends away though if you are finding it difficult go to see them and tell them you need a little space from yoru friendship, why & you will be in touch. If they are your friends hun they will understand & be there for you when you need & can be comfortable with their company, bumps & babies *hugs*

CurlySue

It's hard being happy for someone, keeping up appearances when all you really want to do is go home and cry at the injustice of it all. It's hard smiling when you want to cry.

Thank God there are other women in the same boat, eh? Makes us feel so much less alone.

Arcanegirl

I had the same feelings the other day and even texted Helen cause i felt so bad.
A friend of mine from work had showed me his scan pic. Him and his partner had had a mc previusly so i was happy for them that they had got past 12 weeks fine this time but i still couldnt stop feeling jealous.

JASMAK

I no longer visit friends who have small babies, or talk about their pregnancies...and baby showers...well, I just declined a good friends. She wrote back that she "understood" when I said that I was too busy. I don't feel jealous, I just feel sad, and it brings these emotions to the surface, at some very inappropriate times.

Loula

Have to say I am pretty fine with people that I like - it's if it's unplanned, and unwanted, or someone I really didn't like anyway that I get all greeneyed and nasty with. Or seeing some scruff down the road having yet another child and living in a 2 bed flat on benefits etc etc we all know the type, who doesn't seem to do much but turf the kids out at every oppo to get them out of their hair.

I've got a couple of frie3nds online who have been trying a while too or have various probs, and they have fallen pregnant now and doing well so far apart from one who has -sadly lost her baby = and I genuinely feel happy for them.