FJL

Hi girls, I just wanted to share these with you xx

This first one I wrote only a month or so back after I had one of the dreams that are SO real.

My little baby, you’re so perfect in everyway
I can’t stop staring at you, I can’t believe you’re mine
You’re finally here with me, after all this time
The wait is finally over

Your skin is so soft and it smells so sweet
Your hands are so warm on my lips when I kiss them
Your eyes are big and beautiful
They look at me with love and dependence

I look at you with so much love it is overwhelming
The love I have for you brings me to tears
Gone are the days I cry because I long for you
Now are the days I cry because you’re finally here

The sound of your cry mends my once broken heart
I stare at you while you sleep and my heart is filled with warmth and joy
I never thought this day would come
I just can’t believe you’re here

Each day brings new found happiness
Changing your nappies and dressing you
Taking you with me in the car
Pushing you in the pram

Holding you, so close and so tight
Never wanting to let go
Just holding you and living in the glorious moment
This moment I will always cherish

Then I wake…
None of this was real
It was all a cruel horrible nightmare
I don’t have you, I never did
This horrible road is not over

It may never be over
Oh how I thought it was
Back to crying tears of longing

Another one (I guess I don't need to explain what each one is about to you guys)

I have so much love for you
Yet we have never met
When I think of you I am consumed…
With love and an ecstasy I have never before felt

I have never seen your face
But I have every detail photographed in my mind
Your skin is so soft and pure
Even though I have not felt it

Over the last 2 years I have dreamt of you
I have longed for and needed you
I am still waiting for you
I will never stop waiting until you’re here with me

Sometimes I rub my belly and think of you
I know you aren’t yet there but I sometimes think…
If I wish for it enough, it might happen
And my feelings of euphoria over you can be a reality

I long for things others see as a negative
Morning sickness, tiredness, painful labour
For even though these things aren’t pleasant
It cannot compare to the pain I endure everyday you’re not here

I cannot wait to hear you cry
To nurse you for hours on end
I will never forget the first time I change your nappy
Or the first time I feed you

I will shrink these precious memories
Then I will gently put them in my heart
Knowing they will comfort me always
Along with all the treasured times to come

I used to be scared of so many things
Stretch marks…contractions…no more ‘me time’
But these are now the very things I long for
To be pregnant…there is nothing I wouldn’t do

We love you so much even though you aren’t yet here
You are our world even though you aren’t yet in it
We will continue to wait here for you…hoping the wait is soon over
And when you arrive, our arms and our hearts will be open

You will make us the happiest people in the world
You will give us a joy that you’re unaware of
You will bring new meaning to our lives
And we will be a family…

And another...
Of course this is not how I feel about LTTC'ers!

You tell me your great news, you’re pregnant
My heart stops and a lump forms in my throat
I then realise that you’re waiting for a response
A response that I cannot give honestly

So I muster up all my courage
I manage to put a smile on my face
But inside my heart is breaking into tiny pieces
I just want to go to bed, curl up and cry my eyes out
But instead I spit out a ‘congratulations’

It kills me to do it
It kills me to lie to you
But I couldn’t possibly speak the truth
How could I tell you how I really feel?

To tell you that instead of being thrilled I am shattered
That instead of being excited I am plagued with jealousy
That I deserve this more than you do and that it’s not fair
I can’t say that, I just can’t

So instead I suffer in silence
You know what I’m going through
You know the heartache I’ve suffered
But you do not understand, you can’t, no one can

That is why you say things you shouldn’t
You tell me that you’re sick of being pregnant
I would give my right arm to be pregnant
You tell me you’re over morning sickness
Oh….if only I could be nauseated from pregnancy…

I’m not saying you have no right to complain
It’s just that I am not your target audience
I would appreciate if you would keep that sort of talk to yourself
Or at least someone who is not dealing with infertility

And as your baby is born you tell me more things
That your crying baby is the pits…
That dirty nappies are so gross…
You even ask me if I’d like your child, then you laugh
I don’t find that funny
I find it hurtful, insensitive and my heart sinks deeper

I would not wish infertility on anyone
Though one thing is certain
That if we do get pregnant
If we do have a baby – our baby

We will embrace every minute of it
Nothing will be an inconvenience
We will just smile and take it all in
Knowing that we’re the luckiest family in the whole world

wannabmum

your poems are beautiful Flj I can definatly relate to your feeling in them all, just know that I'm here 4 u

xxxxx

hayz1981

You just made me well up at work!

I love them. Truly from the heart and you had me nodding along so my colleagues now probably think I'm a mad person..!

Thank you for sharing them, as sad as parts of them were, they're hopeful too. I really hope your ttc journey is over soon and that you get your wish.

xx

Sinead

They are so beautiful, I am sat here nearly in tears. Thank you so much.

pixielou

FJL they are amazing, I'm at work and am trying to fight back the tears! They are so thoughtfull and in a kind of sick way coforting for us all to know that we all feel the same!

Thank you so much for sharing your heart with us! X

Beckic

Help - am crying at my desk!!!

they are beautifaul angel.

Thank you for sharing them.

Bx x

akcher

Your poems really touched me. Thank you sharing

maz

Your poems really touched a chord with me. They were lovely.

I hope you get your really really soon

x

Helen

Aw, they're very touching. You really capture all those feelings.