Helen

Particularly Wannabmum and FJL. Big you two.

This is from a book called The Wayward Stork. This used to reduce me to tears during the tough times but I found it strangely comforting that someone was able to put into words how I was feeling.

Hope it works for you too.

How to instruct your inner circle.

Please treat me as though I am in a crisis. I am. I can and will cry at the drop of a hat. I am sad, angry, scared, excited, hopeful, worried and nervous.

Please DO NOT tell me you know how I feel unless you, yourself, have endured an IVF cycle. This is more difficult than you know.

Please treat me with kid gloves, as I am hanging on by a very thin emotional thread.

Please see that everything is not business as usual in my life, household and heart.

Please call, write or send me an e-mail.

Please give me books or magazines that I can leave in my car for reading during the endless streams of medical waiting rooms that I will visit over the next month.

Please bake, cook or order in food for my household. We need to eat and I am out of commission.

Please permit me a clear calendar and excuse my lack of involvement in other activities, as my days are filled with tests, results, endless appointments, phone calls, decisions, physical discomfort and fatigue.

Please excuse my lack of interest in everything else. Remember what I said about crisis?

Please give me permission to do what I want to do, be it laugh, cry, sit around or be really, really active in something.

Please help out around my house by washing some dishes, vacuuming a room, or taking my dog for a walk. Remember that my husband is overwhelmed and in need of support too!

Please let me know that you are supporting me even if this cycle fails. That is my biggest fear and the hardest thing to talk about.

Please remind me that I am strong enough to endure this, as I am sure to forget along the way.

Please don’t ask me if I’m pregnant. If and when that occurs, I will sing it from the highest rooftop!

chefamy1122

Thank you for posting this, as IVF will likely be in my future.

FJL

That is brilliant Helen, thanks for sharing

Apart from a few forums and my DH I feel COMPLETELY alone in all of this. I feel like 'in the real world' apart from DH I have no support.

My Mum, Sister, 1 close friend and my work knows about this cycle and while they might ask how things are, they just have absolutely no idea.

Eg, I was telling Mum the other day that i've had cramping and she said 'maybe your period is coming?' which pissed me off because i've told her SO many times how a cycle works and if she'd have listened then she would know that AF isn't going to come right now

So I know they care and they ask about us but I just feel like whats the point telling them things because they have no clue.

When I told Mum i'd started my injections she said 'god I couldn't do that' and I thought WELL IF YOU WERE IN MY SHOES YOU WOULD HAVE NO CHOICE...don't tell me that, if you must comment, tell me i'm brave, lift my spirts or something!!!!

And I almost feel like I have no right to request special treatment or anything of the sort because people don't understand I think they think it isn't a big deal or something...I think one of the ladies at work is getting PO'ed with me because admitedly, i'm not doing the best job right now, just not on the ball, tired, headaches, uncomfortable twinges and cramping, vague etc and I feel like saying to her 'god, cut me some slack, i'm going through IVF!!!' but its like she thinks that doesn't matter...maybe i'm just being paranoid!

Geez, sorry that was so long, it turned into a vent for me LOL

miel

Mendy

It made me cry!!! I loved it, and I will save it as I may need to end up doing IVF as well.

maz

I'll also be keeping a copy of this, as we're waiting for IVF treatment. It's a few months away for us at the moment, but this year is flying in so hopefully it'll be round in no time at all.

Good luck FJL and wannabmum - I really hope this is a success for you both.

wannabmum

Understand completly its bn the same here few of my close friends keep reminding me if it doesn't work this time dont worry u can just try again' that statement in itself shows how clueless. Also on the few occasions my mum acts concerned I ed up getting my bk up as I just feel I'm getting interigated!! She had me in tears 2 days after embyo tranfer as she called me to tell me she had bn looking on the net and this most probably wouldn't work for us as I hadn't stayed on bed rest for first 2 daysI mean wtf that IS NOT what I need right now then after that said quite abruptly I'll just go as ur obviously not in mood for talking I then had to call clinic to have my mind put at rest this wasn't the case, then one of my friends was down she about 20 week preg knows what we going threw and just sat and moaned how she hates bn preg it was so hard to bite my tounge!!!!

Anyway sorry for the rant Helen thank u so much for this even from the start when we were having tests etc u support has been fantastic e-mailing me info etc it is very much appreciated and seeing ur wonderful family has really inspired me to pick myself up often and keep going So Thank you once again

xxxxx

FJL

OMG hun ^ !!! I thought I had it bad!!! You poor thing having to put up with your Mum and friends comments...I think you deserve a big

Sorry to hijack your thread with my posts Helen!!

Beckic

Wannabmum and FJL - I think you are amazing!!!


Bx x

akcher

Thank you for sharing that Good luck gals! You both deserve to have your wishes come true