Mendy

Well ladies, I tested this morning and I could've sworn this was a good month for me, I was so positive....only to find a

I don't know how I feel....mad, sad, upset, I want to scream and wish i didn't give a f*ck about not being able to get pregnant...why is it that life is so unfair??? Why is it that women who don't want to have babies and don't deserve to have them get pregnant so easily?

There's still a part of me that has a little bit of hope because AF is not due until Sat...but I don't want to feel even worse than I do now if it comes, so I'm trying to not think that there's still a chance.

DH text me at work today and said he feels terrible because all of this is his fault, due to his low count. I told him I don't blame him, he's not at fault for something his body does... or doesn't do...so I guess my RE was right...we are going to have to end up doing in vitro...

Sorry for the rant...I work with a bunch of guys so I can't exactly tell them what's going on, and you all know what I'm going through...

akcher

Mendy so sorry to hear that is wasn't the month for you. Lots of

Mynxie

thinking of you sweetheart. It's hard and heartbreaking.

genkigemini

BIG HUGS! I am so sorry, Honey. I really hope your next step works well for you and I know exactly how you feel about people and their undeserving 's.

PM me if you ever want to chat.

Mendy

I'm sure I'll get over it in the next few days and be ready to start the next cycle...after all, that's what we do each and every month, right?

lonate

chefamy1122

I am sorry you are having such a tough time. Life really sucks sometimes!!

CurlySue

I know exactly how you feel. It's tough, being up in the air about everything.

The biggest ever tease? The day I was going to Spain (I went on 6th July) I got a hysterically positive OPK. I knew for a fact I was not ovulating. I was on CD28. I did not know when/if I ovulated but it is not uncommon for me to have quite short cycles sometimes (eg, around 30 days).

I thought about it for awhile. I thought "OMG this could be it. I could be 10dpo today. This could be my positive!"

Then I went to Spain. And I didn't take any cheapies with me. And, I waited. And, I waited. And, I didn't get AF. CD 32. 33. CD35. CD 40. Still nothing.

I thought "God, these cramps might be related to those positive OPKs. I might be pregnant. This might be the perfect month to me."

The day before I fly home? I'm lying on the beach. I am in pure agony. I am dying of pain. I get back to the hotel and what do I see?

The same pink spotting I get before every AF.

The positive OPK when I was not ovulating gave me hope. I spent my entire holiday thinking "maybe, maybe, maybe," and then, just before I come home the witch arrives.

Sometimes, I wonder if we do it to ourselves. If we wind ourselves up.

i wonder if we get ourselves into that whole circle of false hope and end up hurting ourselves because of it.

And, it sucks.

*hug*

FJL

Sorry to hear that you don't think this cycle is a positive

I still have everything crossed for you that HPT was wrong...its not over until the witch is here but I know how much it hurts to hold onto hope.

Are you going to try for IUI again or go straight to IVF?

Mendy

I know what you mean CurlySue...I was so good about not testing early and waiting and being positive and noting all the "symptoms".... I think we really do it to ourselves like you said and that makes it worse. Thanks for sharing your story and best of luck to you!