Raistlin's Mu

I got pregnant with my first baby the first month I tried. The next one took 3 months and I started to get stressed then. I can't imagine how you lovely ladies that have many many months/years of TTC survive. I wish I could wave a magic wand and make it easy for everyone who wanted children and hard for those who didn't until they wanted to! (If only, in a perfect world).

I think a lot of women who do make these comments though (i.e. don't stress, it'll happen), don't know what to say and are just trying to say something that they consider is comforting. I know that I probably would have said that at one time in my life. Everyone I know has either fallen accidently or straight away with planned bubs, so I didn't know better. It was only when I came on the boards that I realised how hard it could be and started to think that my comments might make someone feel the opposite to what I intended.

Chocoholic

FJL, I'm so sorry that your "friend" was suck an ungrateful, two-faced person!

I hope IVF works for you right away!

I can understand complaints if there's severe morning sickness or reflux but saying that you "hate"...!!! She doesn't deserve to be pregnant. There, I said it, she doesn't deserve that baby.

Arcanegirl

Yesterday i had all the "take a holiday" "youre trying too hard" etc and i got asked am i paying for the IUI!

I find it hard to come up with replies when theres nothing physically wrong. Im gonna stop talking about it at work if thats the answers im gonna get from them

Mynxie

there's not many people IRL who know that we're TTC, my parents have got the hint, so has my aunt, DHs sister and his mate and my best friend

codegirl

Ladies, It breaks my heart to hear you stories. I'm one of those dreadful people that got pregnant right away, so fast that I still can't quite get my head around it. I wish I could pass whatever we have to each of you.


My question for all of you is, what is the best way to support you? I have never been involved with converstations about conceving before. I think people assumed I wasn't interested or couldn't because I was mid 30s and had never talked about it (very private person) but now everyone that is trying comes to talk. I really don't know what to say since it just happened for us. I really dont' want to be insenstive and I want to be supportive but I don't know how.

Any insight you guys can give me would be great! And if there is anything I can do to help support you guys, please know that I'm here (and if I have an insenstive moment, just wack me on the side of the head)

Mendy

Awwww....thanks so much codegirl! A lot of times I think we just want to vent and just need someone to be there and listen. We really aren't looking for any "advice", we already get lots of that from our Dr's and mothers and aunts and grandmothers, etc...sometimes we just need someone to say, "Hang in there because it will happen, it's just taking you a bit longer, but don't lose hope." Sometimes we just need some encouragement, and not to be told to relax and don't try too hard, etc.

Lastly, I think if we want to talk about it, we will. Unfortunately, when I first started trying to conceive, I was so excited, I told everyone I work with. Now, 11 months later, I have EVERYONE asking if I'm pregnant yet. Actually my HPT was Tuesday, was a negative so I was feeling down, and a girl I work with asked, "Anything yet?" NO! When I DO become pregnant I will make sure to let you all know. In the meantime, nothing has changed and if I don't come to you, then I don't want to be asked.

I know people do this because they want to show they care, but sometimes it becomes too much, to keep getting asked and having to say the same thing, "No, not this month..."

Chocoholic

Thanks so much for caring enough to ask!

Well, for starters, do not say "don't think about it" or "get it out of your head and it'll happen" or simply "it'll happen," which should be clear by now, lol.

I think the best way to go, IMHO, is to admit that since you had such an easy time, you don't know what to say. It's ok to admit that you can't really comfort someone in our position completely, but you can listen and let us vent. Sometimes all we need is somene to say "I really hope it happens for you soon." One of my friends said this and then took my hand, put it on her pregnant belly, and said she hopes her baby brings me luck too. It brought tears to my eyes, it was the sweetest thing!

Or you can take more interest in what our problem is. Don't brush off by saying "think positive." It drives me mad when someone says that. I'd much rather hear "I'm sorry you're having trouble. What does the doctor say? What's the treatment? I'm hear for you if you need to vent, I can come to the doctor's with you for support if you want."

See my point? You don't necessarily need to give advice. It's better to show that you care, and you're there if need be.

If you know about similar experiences, tell them. But don't finish with "see, it'll happen to you too." You don't know that. It's much better to say, "I hope you get pregnant like that too (whatever "that" might refer to, IUI, IVF, surprise, etc)."

Most of the time, when we talk about this with someone who didn't have problems conceiving, we're not looking for advice, we're just looking for some comfort and a shoulder to cry on.

This is what I think...

NeyNey

The only outcome I see in all of this is ya'll are just going to have to move here and be my neighbours

That way we can form our own little support group, and can meet on Wednesdays and bring Wine and cookies

Chocoholic

That would've been AWESOME NeyNey!

Off topic but, one of my friends moved to Australia for her boyfriend right after they started dating, now, 2 years later, they're getting married in October!

Sinead

I know how you feel, I am lucky that my family are really supportive, but ocasionally they do say the wrong thing - just relax etc.

Don't know about the rest of you guys, but I definitely want to be NeyNey's neighbour!!!!!!