Loula

I hear you xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Helen

Oh God yeah! I totally know where you are all coming from. The "stop thinking about it" and the "just relax" lines were the ones that totally did me in.

I had a Doc (not a fertility one thank goodness) tell me that I should just adopt if I wanted to get PG.

waiting4u

I hear you! I was trying to let you know of a great site to send to friends and family but I got a warning that I am unable to post it until I have 10 or more posts! Oops. I will post it when I am allowed!!! It is great and helps friends and family to know how much their comments can hurt those TTC - in a nice way though.......I sent it and now just get what we all need. A hug, a shoulder to cry on and a great listener!

akcher

I know where you are coming from. I had a co-worker tell me "just have lots of sex and it'll happen" They have no idea what we're going through. My mother also asked me "have you tried temping?" after I told her we have been trying for a year. I just want to yell at them "NO SHIT SHERLOCK"

Millnsy

Ha ha ha!
You are all brilliant and have really made me feel a lot better. My mother in law told me that I just needed to relax and it would happen, the other day. I doesn't matter how much I blood relax if I'm not bloody ovulating! That shut her up! Bless, she didn't mean to be insensitive but I think I got the message across.
I'm off to cry in to a bar of chocolate and cuddle up to a hot water bottle for yet another month, then start the drugs that make me moody and book in for another invasive scan... that should relax me...

chefamy1122

I feel like I could have written every single one of these posts.

FJL

Its great to see us all having a good vent

Someone said to me in an email the other day, after I told her that there is a strong possiblity with DH's latest sperm test that we could never have children, she said 'well you can always adopt like all the famous actresses'...I was FUMING...1. For NORMAL people adoption is a 5-7year process, 2. Its because they have money!!! 3. I want a baby with MY husband. How dare she!!! I haven't replied and i'm not going to...

I'd been TTC for almost a year when my sister conceived her 2nd baby (on the 2nd month might I add ) and she had the hyde to say to me 'all I can suggest is that you just relax and let it happen' I snapped at her and said 'how the fuck would you know? You get pregnant straight away you have NO idea' and she came back at me with 'but I stayed relaxed and I got pregnant' HELLO, I was fucking relaxed too in my first few months!

I've come to understand that people just don't get it. Unless they've been there before they never EVER will. They can be supportive and try to understand but they just won't ever grasp the intense feelings.

Its bad enough being told to relax in any stage (early stage) of TTC, but when there is a known problem it is just bullshit. Its like me going into a cancer ward telling everyone that if they just relax or go on a holiday, their cancer will go away...i'd get things thrown at me! Or to tell a paraplegic that if they relax, and stop thinking about the fact that they can't walk, and stop trying so hard in your therapy sessions then 'it'll happen' that they will walk again when they just stop thinking about it...

I haven't told anyone 'in real life' about our situation for ages because i'm so fed up at educating people about the truth. Also sick of them looking at me like I have 3 heads after I snap at them LOL

Chocoholic

How can any of us totally relax when we have to take Clomid, monitor our ODs and use pre-seed, to say the least! I know there are other ladies who have to go through much more than just this... I know stress isn't helping but trust me when you have problems conceiving, stress is the last thing as the cause.

People who never had trouble conceiving don't understand us, never will.

Moreover, sometimes people who had trouble won't understand either.

One of my friend's has been trying for about 2 years and she got pregnant 18 weeks ago, when she was dealing with her DH's health problems. She knows that I'm not ovulating and I have endo, and that I need to take Clomid. She told me that I should just get it out of my head and it'll just happen. Really? Even if I'm not ovulating? Geez, thanks, I didn't know that I don't need an egg to make a baby

NeyNey

Oh you go GIRL!

I do hear what you're saying. Or the good old "It will happen when it happens.."

I mean really.

WTF does that mean?

FJL

Oh, another thing...I have deliberately stayed away from my grandparents because about 12 months ago, Mum and I went to visit them for the day and i'm not close to them so they don't know about anything, and my Nan was looking at a magazine with Angelina Jolie and a piece on adoption. They started going on about how rediculous adoption is and if you can't have kids then you can't have them - deal with it. My god, I thought I was going to explode. I just threw a sharp comment at them that it isn't easy for everyone to have kids, and those that abuse the privilege and don't want or care for their kids, that these kids can at least have a chance with loving parents...then I walked outside. I think my Mum almost had heart failure at the fear of me going right off at them. And the thing is, my grandparents had 2 stillborns...and they still don't get it...but of course in their time, it was not to be spoken of EVER...

Chocoholic I TOTALLY hear you re: friends that should bloody well know not to say things - when they've been LTTC'ers themselves. I have (correction - HAD) a friend that had been trying for about 4yrs to fall pregnant. When she finally conceived with clomid, she actually said to me 'I hate being pregnant' I thought FUCK YOU...I would kill to be pregnant and I honestly believe I will embrace every second. Sure, I might comment on morning sickness or a sore back but it won't be a complaint because I will be pregnant. She then kept saying to me 'if I can get pregnant you can, it'll happen' man that pissed me off because we're dealing with severe male factor. Our ONLY option is IVF ICSI. Her only problem was that she wasn't ovulating and I certainly don't mean that to come across as a minor problem, because I know its not, all i'm saying is that it was always going to me much easier, less invasive and quicker for her to fall pregnant, and she makes it out like its going to be easy for me...

She also pretty much cut all ties with me when she got that BFP...I have absolutely no desire to be friends with her ever again...she said things to me that she used to cry on the phone to me about when people would say them to her.

Some people have very short memories thats for sure.