FJL

Hey again CS,

I think it is SO important to feel comfortable with your doctor. If you don't like this guy or feel that he isn't taking all of this seriously then go to someone else until you find a doctor that you like.

With the whole embarassment thing, can you go to a female doctor? That might make you feel better. I don't find the talking bit hard just the looking at my private bits hard, it is a feeling of violation, its awful I reckon

The pain you're in sounds so intense that any dr in their right mind cannot possible fob you off.

The first visit is generally questions along with options and tests etc. So he will most likely want to do a series of tests then go from there, he may also discuss treatment options though he won't really know until test results come back.

Beckic

Oh sweetheart

Is there a chance you could ask for a female doctor if that would make you feel better?

You shouldn't feel embarrassed - and you definitely shouldn't take no for an answer - dont let then bully you.

I always go in with a list of questions to make sure i am focused and come out with the answers i want.

Thinking of you. You are being v brave.

Bx x x

CurlySue

It doesn't seem like there are any women I could see this late on. Its too late to change now, I would imagine. I have the appointment on Tuesday. I waited six weeks for it and don't really want to wait another six weeks. I have heard that he is a lovely man, that he is very kind, very thoughtful, very foreign...but, the idea of him touching me makes me feel like clamming up.

I am seriously a prude. The word 'sex' embarrasses me when spoken aloud. The word 'intercourse' makes me feel like hiding away. I find this all very, very difficult to talk about and I end up stuttering and idiotic. This is why I want to take a list. This is why I want to just say, look, here, I have written everything down.

God, its like a script.

I've clammed up for long enough, now, I think. I've fobbed myself off for enough time. I'm not getting pregnant and there must be a reason for that. Might be me, might be OH but, either way, I still have no baby. I suffer every month and I get nothing to show for it. Makes me feel a little bit bratty, actually.

The idea of posting in an "infertility" section was always that little painful spark in the back of my head. I wanted to be wrong, really. I wanted to prove myself wrong. I have always known that there was something not right. Always. You know when, for just once in your life you wanted to prove yourself an idiot for thinking something? This was it. It's not the case.

Ah, we're all in the same boat. Its not a nice boat, really, is it?

Sometimes, I just feel like I'm sinking. Drowning.

Questions are fine. They really are. Options? Well, I suppose you have to be diagnosed with something before that can be put forward. I want to be diagnosed with something or nothing. Not limbo. Not confusion. I just don't want to be told to give it another six months, give it another ten months. My problem is becoming psychological, now. I know that sex is going to be uncomfortable, ergo I have lost my sex drive. The only way to make it bearable is to use a shedload of preseed and it basically takes all feeling and intimacy about of the moment.

I like sex...I just don't like the pain. I don't want this to be a mechanical experience; a means to an end.

God, I feel like crying just talking about this. So very sorry. Feel free to ignore me. I suppose I have this little dam and it's about to burst. I have been keeping a lot of these thoughts inside and, right about now, they're all going to crack and spill out.

My periods are a double edged sword. They hurt because they are excruciatingly painful. They hurt because they mean I'm not pregnant.

Loula

I think it's a great idea for you to write it all down, also to be upfront and tell the doctor you find it hard to talk about stuff - they won't mind at all, they have seen it all before - the important thing for them is to find out the cause of this pain first and foremost, ignore the TTC bit, this pain is ruling your life and it needs sorting.

I was in daily pain for almost ten yrs with undiagnosed gallstones and while it wasn't always a 10 - it would rumble along at a 5 constantly and then rev up each night to the ten. It's no life hon - I know you are dreading it, but be brave, you deserve a life free of pain, and they WILL find out what they can do to help you, but you have to be open with them, embarrassing yes, but oh so worth it.

Let us know how you go, we'll all be willing you on x

CurlySue

At the minute, I am free of pain. This will last until around ovulation. Then I am buggered until a few days into my period. I suppose I would say that out of a 40 day cycle of a month there is pain for around at least half of it (starts at a 5, like yours and rumbles for a couple of days. Then it moves up to about a 7 during ovulation then comes in waves, like period pain does, every day. On, off, on, off. It becomes 8 or 9 about 5 days before period. The day before and the day of period I would say its a 12 at least. A bloody twelve!!!!)

The doctor was going to refer me not for infertility but for pelvic pain. Unfortunately, since I was going for a scan in a women's hospital there was no department for pelvic pain, only for infertility gynaecology.

I seriously think that whatever is causing the pain is stopping me from conceiving and my thinking is, fix that, I get a baby.

I only hope its that simple...

Thanks for listening. Glad you got your stones sorted, eventually.

Loula

I have a friend with severe endo and sounds like that's what you have - which CAN be sorted out - not always fully but even partially I am thinking would be of huge benefit to you.

She took almost 5 yrs to concieve after her first pregnancy ( id twins) and then had a mmc, and is now pg again, with another set of id twins

Fingers crossed for you that your appt goes well x

Beckic

Thinking of you CS - please let us know how the appt goes.

I know its so hard getting over the talking about sex thing - but I promise it will be worth it in the end. The first doctor I went to see about my TTC problems was a really young guy who blushed and whispered the word 'sex' in an embarressed way every time he said it - so what hope do we have!!



Bx x x

akcher

You mentioned that you don't like the HSG dye test. I am having a Hysterosonogram test where they use saline and an ultrasound. This is to see the shape of my uterus and too see if I have polyps or fibroids. I too have painful periods mostly around the region in my back. I am usually lying down on the couch with a heating pad. I hope that they will help you find out why you are in so much pain.

CurlySue

I don't like the HSG test because I suffer from recurring UTI (I only so much as have to get shower gel 'down there' and I get an infection) and the last time I had a dye test I had an allergic reaction.

I just don't know what to say really. Apparently the scan was "fine"...