wannabmum

Hi,
Since we found out about our infertility it has always seemed like I have been the one getting down and worrying what if it doesn't work etc etc, oh has always bn so positive believing it will work but it all finally came to a head the other nite oh was sitting in tears saying he is scared it doesn't work he feels it is all his fault, he is scared I'm going to leave him because of it (told him again I want kids with HIM I love him and will never leave him) Also since he found out he doesnt feel like a complete man he hopes that if we get our BFP that not only will we get the family we so long for but also he will feel "normal" again. I felt so helpless nothing I could say seemed to help. Anyone else bn threw this? Any advice?

xx

Wobbles

Poor hubby Men tend to keep block out feelings & I personally think its healthy hes let go of some emotions & feelings I think as you say just telling him its him you want & no your not off elsewhere just because theres a possibility of not being parents together but whist I say that there are many options out there but ones I hope you guys never have to consider. There also must be some serious sadness over his DD Your both great people to continue to care & love that lil girl!

Feeling less of a man - I understand that sort of but from a womans point of view because I felt like this through our journey.

Comfort him how you would in any other upsetting situation as a couple - comfort & be there for each other. Never bottle any feelinsg up.

wannabmum

Thanks Wobs,
Yeh we also spoke about dd, said doesn't matter from the point of view we still love her the same but he feels like for the 9 years before we knew was all a lie, Also we feel bad on her part that she is being denied the right to know the truth on half of where she comes from, biggest prob is it wouldn't b the right time for dd to tell her anyway even if we did he mother would manipulate the situation tell dd we llying and just don't want her anym,ore or some crap like that it the type of thing she does and unfortunatly dd belives whatever she says!! Also we know it is very unlikely dd will even get told who her father is is it as very likely she doesn't even know!!

xx

Arcanegirl

Men jsut bottle their feelings up, i wish Rob would let go like that. I think he bottles things up and puts it to the back of his mind.

ElliesMum

They are normally always trying to be strong for us and making sure we are ok, its easy to forget that they are suffering just as much too.

polo_princess

It can be hard eh to see your man like that .. we tend to think of them as the "strong" ones in the relationship.

but at least he has got his feelings out in the open hun instead of bottling them up

FJL

I can totally relate hun, my DH is the same.

He comes across very strong and positive but will have bouts of being terrified of it not working, that he feels useless, worthless, like its all his fault, that I should leave him etc.

It is hard to see your man down and out and I think all you can do is share you fears, hopes and dreams and be there for him to reassure him

Nic

Its good that you are both sharing your thoughts and feelings. I know my OH doesn't say very much very often but guys still feel the strain, just deal with it in their own way. He may well go back to whatever is normal for him very quickly - you just have to be there for him when he needs you the way he does for you when you need him.