Hun, i'm sorry you're having a rough time right now.
I too find the thought of treatment so scary. You're busting to get there and then as the time nears the thought of it not working is absolutely terrifying. The way I see it is that we have come SO far and we just have to keep going. Its so hard because you don't want to get your hopes up yet you don't want to be negative either.
Thinking of you as I know there isn't much I can say to make it all better
