Artemis

I don't know what to do. I had a panic attack yesterday, I have had half a dozen in the past few weeks. I am in the LTTTC category at 18 months and its getting me down - I've ruined my own life with a mistake many years ago and now I am being punished for it. I promised my mistake would not be in vain so pushed to buy a bit bigger house for baby and passed my driving test and now we can't have a baby. I can't live with myself. I have moved into a new job which pays more money but had little training and feel bullied in it. Its stressing me out to the point where I don't want to leave the house. But I'm frightened in case we lose the house. I got upset yesterday because OH wanted to take my M-I-L out shopping with us (she is a brill M-I-L) but I couldn't handle the situation of being sociable. I wanted to tidy the house because I can't get it done through the week I am usually so tired and stressed out. Also, I look such a mess at the moment. I am too tired to take care of myself and that stressed my skin has erupted with huge, really painful spots. The worst thing is in all of this is the stress has stopped me ovulating. I need the job for the money to have a decent life to bring a baby up but can't get pregnant with that job. I am panicking about going to work tomorrow already. I hate fuss and attention and my feelings of inadequacy in this role is forcing me into the attention of management but so will cracking up. Help!

BigFoot1980

I am so sorry Hun that you are going through such a tough time. I really don't know what to say but I really hope things work out for you.

big hugs for you!

silarose28

Hi honey

Sorry things are so difficult for you at the moment.

Do you have any friends or family supporting you through this? Stress can be so difficult to deal with and it sounds like you need someone to share what you are going through and to support you.

How new is your job? Changing jobs is just so stressful but things often settle when you find your feet. Are there things you don't know or have questions about - it's quite normal to need some induction/training at the start. Is there anyone who is approachable that might be able to help you out a bit? We all need help when starting something new - it's not a weakness.

What do you do to relax? It's hard to try and force yourself to make time to do the things you enjoy - reading/walking/swimming etc. I know the feeling about housework - me and my oh used to spend most of our lived rowing about it and I never felt like going out until it was done. But that just wasn't right - I'm lucky in that we now have a cleaner every other week - costs about £15 each a fortnight and it has changed my life!! (I know I am really lucky there!)

Also - I would chat to your GP about your panic attacks. There are lots of breathing and relaxation exercises which can help you to chill out and to manage panic attacks. I know from experience that they help as I used to get panic attacks when i was younger.



I hope you feel better soon honey xxxxxxxxxxx

Artemis

Thank you for your help.

Only my OH knows and he's really frightened of my behaviour. I don't want any family members to know. They'l only judge OH and I and look down their noses at us.

The job is a temporary promotion - I asked to be put back down to my previous job a fortnight into the new one and they said I had to give it more time. Its my actual line manager who is bullying me so i don't know who to turn to.

My idea of relaxing is housework and sleeping but I suffered a bout of depression in my teens and the symptom was diagnosed by how much sleep I was having.

I think I need to make an appointment with my GP I just don't want to feel like this I just want to be normal...

silarose28

I think it's a really good idea to go and see your GP. They are there to help us afterall - it won't do any harm. I know how you feel about not wanting to share with friends. My sister told me she was worried about me when I confided in her recently - like I was mad!!! I don't know what I would have done without the support of the girls on here - remember you are not mad!!! Infertility is awful. I've missed work and generally spend some part of each day in tears because of it - lots of us have! We are all here for you.

Is there anything else you enjoy doing that you haven't tried doing for a while? Watching a film/meeting a friend. Little things like that can make us feel so much better. I know it's hard when you are feeling low - but once you take the first step things get easier. Even small things like going for a walk are great for stress. (Sorry to go on but I have suffered with depression and anxiety for many years and find getting out and about helps - even if I dread it beforehand!!!)

What is your line manager doing to bully you? If she is being a bitch I'm sure others will have experienced the same thing with her. It can be so hard when you start a new job as you don't know who your allies are - but I am sure others will have had the same from her. I think it's a good sign that they have asked you to stay - you are obviously competent or they wouldn't bother. I won't say not to worry as I know how awful it is to be stressed at work. When I am worrying excessively I always try to think of previous times when I felt worried/stressed and how things always sorted themselves out somehow in the end. the situation in work won't last forever and you will get through it - it's just hard at the moment.


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Artemis

Didn't make it into work today. After a really sleepless night I woke up and it hurt to breathe. Trying to get a cancellation with my Dr and rang another manager at work who was really wonderful with me. Slept most of today - the most relaxing fitful sleep ever! Now need to turn my attention to dealing with these issues...

peekaboo

Not sure I can give much advice but just wanted to pass on . LTTTC is so hard, and when you have other stressful things going on in your life on top of that it can just get all too much, and in a way its hard to work out which element is causing the most stress. Try to sort one thing at a time. Maybe try to deal with work first, then family issues and try to separate LTTTC from it all. I have days where something else pees me off, but in a way I still end up bringing it round to TTC and think if I just had a baby none of the other problems would matter. I agree with the other girls - speak to your GP and speak to other girls on here who are also struggling. It sometimes helps to realise you are not alone. Wishing you all the best and hope everything works out for you. xx

lady blush

just wanted to send you a big

i know what your going through as ive been there myself.ive suffered with panic attacks for 3 years and i still get them to this day.
i started to get them when i realised i could not get pregnant easily.it is very scary and it did affect my life dramaticaly i could not leave my house at one point and i even lost my job.

you should try and see your doctor about this and he could maybe send you to have some cognetive behavioural therapy wich does help an awfull lot.

im taking beta blockers at the moment to help with the anxiety that this ttc journey has caused me to have.

if you wana chat privatly your welcome to send me a msg.