Difficult Situation

ElliesMum · Oct 23rd, 2006, 09:03 AM

I'm hoping somebody will be able to help me with this one. My cousin and his wife are due their first baby any time now. They have been having trouble ttc for 5 years and have had many treatments. They know the full details of what happened to me. The problem is that i will be expected (by the whole family) to go and visit them and see the new baby when its born but i just cant do this. I am happy for them really but it will upset me so so much to see them with a baby when i long for one of my own. How do i not go without being thought of so badly by everyone? Any ideas?

**Wobbles** · Oct 23rd, 2006, 09:18 AM

Its difficult & one of the worst feeling because it's obviously not personal I think moments like this though if looked on right can make you stronger in your situation! You WILL get there hun thats how you need to think & to smile & look on the newborn thinking just that will make you smile more " this will be me one day".

Through so much heartache I have found this:

A pregnant woman I can become quite envy of - that should be me right now but a child doesn't seem to sway me as much as I thought or if at all. - Hope that makes sense

x

ElliesMum · Oct 23rd, 2006, 09:23 AM

Yeah, everything so say makes so much sense but i know that as soon as i see the baby i will just break down. I admit i am so jealous and i cant help it but i dont want to make things difficult for everyone else. I cant say to them, "No i'm not coming over to see your baby cos i'm jealous". I know its not the baby's fault but i dont know what to do. I was thinking of sending them a little note with the New Baby card and just saying something like, Congratulations and all the normal stuff and an apology for not visiting as i am finding things a bit difficult at the moment. What do you think?

**Wobbles** · Oct 23rd, 2006, 09:25 AM

I think if you get on with your cousin & they know what you are going through right now they should understand hun

ElliesMum · Oct 23rd, 2006, 09:27 AM

All i can do is wait until the time comes and take it from there i suppose.

**Wobbles** · Oct 23rd, 2006, 09:28 AM

Try think positive between now & then!

x

ElliesMum · Oct 23rd, 2006, 09:29 AM

Yeah i will. Thanks for listening.

**Wobbles** · Oct 23rd, 2006, 09:30 AM

Always I certainly know how pants it is!

Helen · Oct 23rd, 2006, 10:40 AM

Hey ElliesMum

Your cousin will definitely understand, she's probably faced that situation too at some point in the last 5 years.

I think your card idea is a good one. Maybe send a little gift too, if you can stretch to that. Once all the initial fuss has died down it will get easier to visit.

H

xx

Tootsie · Oct 23rd, 2006, 11:45 AM

I agree.

A card and a small gift sent on to them would be my advice too.
I can understand your predicament quite easily and there is no reason why the rest of your family should pressure you into doing something uncomfortable. Slip a not in the card saying you wish them all the happiness in the world and you'll viit them soon enough.

Really if anyone in the family holds it against you just give them what for

Oct 23rd, 2006, 09:03 AM	#1
ElliesMum Mum (Mom) Active BnB Member Join Date: Sep 2006 Location: London Posts: 502	Difficult Situation I'm hoping somebody will be able to help me with this one. My cousin and his wife are due their first baby any time now. They have been having trouble ttc for 5 years and have had many treatments. They know the full details of what happened to me. The problem is that i will be expected (by the whole family) to go and visit them and see the new baby when its born but i just cant do this. I am happy for them really but it will upset me so so much to see them with a baby when i long for one of my own. How do i not go without being thought of so badly by everyone? Any ideas?

Status: Offline

Oct 23rd, 2006, 09:18 AM	#2
Wobbles Mum (Mom) Administrator Join Date: Aug 2006 Location: Chester Gal By Heart Posts: 50,081	Re: Difficult Situation Its difficult & one of the worst feeling because it's obviously not personal I think moments like this though if looked on right can make you stronger in your situation! You WILL get there hun thats how you need to think & to smile & look on the newborn thinking just that will make you smile more " this will be me one day". Through so much heartache I have found this: A pregnant woman I can become quite envy of - that should be me right now but a child doesn't seem to sway me as much as I thought or if at all. - Hope that makes sense x
	MissG Photography - Family portraits, home or away shoots, bump and baby, wedding, parties ... ANYTHING! Have your moment captured - Contact me for offers only available to BabyandBump members!
Status: Offline

Oct 23rd, 2006, 09:23 AM	#3
ElliesMum Mum (Mom) Active BnB Member Join Date: Sep 2006 Location: London Posts: 502	Yeah, everything so say makes so much sense but i know that as soon as i see the baby i will just break down. I admit i am so jealous and i cant help it but i dont want to make things difficult for everyone else. I cant say to them, "No i'm not coming over to see your baby cos i'm jealous". I know its not the baby's fault but i dont know what to do. I was thinking of sending them a little note with the New Baby card and just saying something like, Congratulations and all the normal stuff and an apology for not visiting as i am finding things a bit difficult at the moment. What do you think?

Status: Offline

Oct 23rd, 2006, 09:25 AM	#4
Wobbles Mum (Mom) Administrator Join Date: Aug 2006 Location: Chester Gal By Heart Posts: 50,081	I think if you get on with your cousin & they know what you are going through right now they should understand hun
	MissG Photography - Family portraits, home or away shoots, bump and baby, wedding, parties ... ANYTHING! Have your moment captured - Contact me for offers only available to BabyandBump members!
Status: Offline

Oct 23rd, 2006, 09:27 AM	#5
ElliesMum Mum (Mom) Active BnB Member Join Date: Sep 2006 Location: London Posts: 502	All i can do is wait until the time comes and take it from there i suppose.

Status: Offline

Oct 23rd, 2006, 09:28 AM	#6
Wobbles Mum (Mom) Administrator Join Date: Aug 2006 Location: Chester Gal By Heart Posts: 50,081	Try think positive between now & then! x
	MissG Photography - Family portraits, home or away shoots, bump and baby, wedding, parties ... ANYTHING! Have your moment captured - Contact me for offers only available to BabyandBump members!
Status: Offline

Oct 23rd, 2006, 09:29 AM	#7
ElliesMum Mum (Mom) Active BnB Member Join Date: Sep 2006 Location: London Posts: 502	Yeah i will. Thanks for listening.

Status: Offline

Oct 23rd, 2006, 09:30 AM	#8
Wobbles Mum (Mom) Administrator Join Date: Aug 2006 Location: Chester Gal By Heart Posts: 50,081	Always I certainly know how pants it is!
	MissG Photography - Family portraits, home or away shoots, bump and baby, wedding, parties ... ANYTHING! Have your moment captured - Contact me for offers only available to BabyandBump members!
Status: Offline

Oct 23rd, 2006, 10:40 AM	#9
Helen Other BnB Addict Join Date: Aug 2006 Posts: 3,833	Hey ElliesMum Your cousin will definitely understand, she's probably faced that situation too at some point in the last 5 years. I think your card idea is a good one. Maybe send a little gift too, if you can stretch to that. Once all the initial fuss has died down it will get easier to visit. H xx
Helen Other BnB Addict Join Date: Aug 2006 Posts: 3,833
Status: Offline

Oct 23rd, 2006, 11:45 AM	#10
Tootsie Pregnant (Expecting) Active BnB Member Join Date: Sep 2006 Location: London Posts: 885	I agree. A card and a small gift sent on to them would be my advice too. I can understand your predicament quite easily and there is no reason why the rest of your family should pressure you into doing something uncomfortable. Slip a not in the card saying you wish them all the happiness in the world and you'll viit them soon enough. Really if anyone in the family holds it against you just give them what for

Status: Offline

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