Did, or does anyone feel this way?

I mean, I had Rose almost 7 months ago and it still feels so raw. I am beginning to think I am never going to get over it.

I can't get past that the only reason Rose was born in time was because I had a feeling that things were wrong, but no symptoms or anything .
It was so touch and go and I really struggle with that.

I was by that time under consultant care and going in for more monitoring plus the steroids but it would of been too late by the time i went in for that.

Also that I was separated from her for 2 weeks and that I didn't get to see her properly or hold her for 2 days. We were in different hospitals for that time. I struggle that I did not do my best for her while she was in hospital too, I felt so boggled by everything.

I do feel blessed every single day and dont walk round in a mope or anything but it crops up in my mind all the time and it does no good does it?! it makes me so tearful and still fills me with panic now.

I am so aware so many of you have been through an awful lot worse than my experience and that you are obviously made of stronger stuff than me. just had to get this off my chest at last.

Thanks for letting me and i hope that i have not upset any of you lovely ladies x

Awww hun, this isn't about how strong you are or not, the preemie experience is horrendous, whatever the outcome.

My daughter is healthy and happy now, but her birth for me has left a lasting sadness, a grief for the pregnancy and birth I should have had that I can never get back. This doesn't mean I don't consider us lucky that she made it - because I do every day - but the experience changed me forever, and changed the way I view pregnancy and childbirth forever.

For me too I went into hospital at 23 weeks on instinct alone, there were no real signs of preterm labour. I am haunted by the fact that if I hadn't, Evie would have been born at home, and likely died in my arms

Being pregnant again has for the most part been a living nightmare. I have not been able to enjoy it, nor dare I let myself get excited about holding my 2 beautiful boys - an unfortunate legacy of having had a baby in intensive care fighting to live.

You are not alone darlin', and no one here would ever judge your feelings. You are among friends - feel free to share, it can only help. You will feel better in time,and as your daughter goes from strength to strength, it will help you to heal. Don't fight the way you feel, it is all perfectly normal after such a trauma. x

Big to both of you firstly.

Can totally empathise with how you feel and my situation was far less traumatic than yours.

I still get very very emotional when I think about Poppy being whisked off to special care without her mummy at just a few minutes old. If I talk about it or see similar stories on tv it upsets me greatly. Lizzie you put it so well when you say it has changed your views of childbirth and pregnancy forvever. That's how I feel too and I am trying hard to not get too stressed and worried during this pregnancy.

The main thing is that Poppy is an absolute treasure and is the most affectionate little thing, so I don't think she suffered any emotional attachment issues from not being with me at the very start of her life. Am sure you LOs are the same

Aww hun, I dont actually think you will ever get over it tbh!
I still think about when I had the twins and it still makes me cry!

I also didnt get to see the twins because we were in different hospitals and for 5 days I had to listen to others saying how gorgeous and small they were and all that!

I think for me its the whole not being able to see them when in an ideal world we would give birth and leave he hospital that night and go home. Sometimes it just dont work..

Its a scary experience and sometimes we think back and it is upsetting.

But we have gorgeous little kids and we are all so proud of them

Hope your feeling a little more positive xx

Hey Hun, I totally understand how your feeling and where your coming from. I am there and will be there for a long time yet! What us Mummy's have been though is real trauma and its the trauma part that can take years to get over. If you don't mind me saying but you might have a little post traumatic stress which is extremely common in Mum's like us. I myself was treated for it. I had to tell Archie's story in my own words at his naming day on Saturday. I stood up, burst into tears and sat down again. It took me about two long mins to compose myself and start again. As I talked through his journey about the ups and the downs, so many people had hankies to wipe away their tears.

I think any Mummy like us feels exactly the same, hence why we all have such a good bond.

Sending you

my daughter stopped growing at 30 weeks she was delivered at 34 weeks and i shudder to think what the outcome would have been if my mw hadnt acted so fast getting me a growth scan and if the hosptial hadnt admitted me it does stay in my mind and makes me terrified of any future pregnancies Id love Rosalie to have a little brother or sister but im not sure if im strong enough to risk a pregnancy that could go the same way I guess on the flip side i have to feel lucky she Was born at 34 weeks and not much earlier xxxx

it is very normal for something so traumatic to take a long long time, I felt the exact same way a few months ago, I was very angry and bitter about missing out on the end of my pregnancy and not getting to see Matthew or hold him, slowly over time this has eased but will always stick with me.

As Dona had said maybe PTSD and talking it through with someone may help. You are such a great mummy and went with your gut feeling but id imagine it is all to easy to think 'what if'. Hopefully with time and seeing how amazing Rose has done this way be less pressing

You know we are always here for you even if its just to scream and shout or help take your mind of things x

Its easy to imagine pregnancy as this lovely time where you carry this little person inside you and have no problems whatsoever! Thats not always the case though and I was always brought up to believe in life you are given what you can handle and what doesnt kill you makes you stronger!!
I think its something we wont get over we will just learn to live with and with every day that your daughter grows you get that little bit stronger to learn to live with it.

Always here if you need a chat hun xxx

Thank you all for your very kind replies.

It actually feels good to get it off my chest and share it.

Its also good that you dont think I am being daft (at least I don't think you do!).

Well I dont think your being daft hun. I think we have all probably been here and some might even still be! I definitely dont look back at the experience and think well that werent too bad because it was awful and we all suffered for 4 weeks!

I think its nice you feel able to open up to us xx