It's great that you can share your experience with the forum - talking about things often helps. My LO was only a month early and I found the whole shock of going into labour and him being in neonatal just confusing and horrible. I rarely comment in this forum as so many of you wonderful ladies and your LOs have come through so much more trauma than me and mine and I hardly feel worthy to comment, but just wanted to send you strength and hugs and urge you to continue sharing your worries with the ladies on here x Your little girl looks gorgeous

Have you been offered any counselling? I spoke to my GP about flashbacks and issues I was having around my daughter's first birthday and she spoke about it as an option. I also hade a debrief with the consultant which helped me come to terms with some of the what ifs.

I think what you are feeling is entirely normal and these feelings come to the fore later when you have a bit more time to think and it's inevitable that you start to play out alternative scenarios in your head.

I'm another who's experience was nothing in comparison to many of the mums and babies here, so I'm not sure if this is relevant, but I have found it gets easier as my little girl gets older. When you see that they are hitting milestones and are happy, it makes it all seem worth it and helps me when I start to think about her start in life.

Thank you for your response

I think that all these lovely replies show that we are ALL worthy no matter what we have been through.

We all need to remember that our experiences are relative. We have still been through them even if someone has been through worse (any many definitely have!) and someone else going through worse does not take away our pain.

I have to say though that I have great admiration for the ladies on here who had very early babies. They seem to be doing a damn sight better than me!

Thank you so much once again

Thank you too!

I have tried to see my consultant about what happened but was only offered to see the Doc who delivered Rose, not sure this will help as there were prob before she was born?

Perhaps counseling would be good for me, I was trying to work my way through it myself but certainly would not rule it out.

Thanks for sharing your experience, its good to hear x

Totally agree that each individual experience is just as painful whether the baby was very early or only by a few weeks, we all share the common experience of NICU and traumatic births (early labour or emergency/elected sections) and feel that any mums or dad's should feel comfortable contributing to posts that's what were all here for, over the last year I have seen everyone open up and share alot and its gotten me through alot too, so as much help as we can give you grumps we'll be here xx

Awwww

I still think about all my births even my very 1st one and my dd is 11 now it still seems like yesterday being rushed to theatre them saying i could lose her, then to go through it another 3 times after really gets to me i just wish my body could be normal it is really hard and unless you've been through prem birth or nicu journey people will never know its good to talk about it though than to bottle it up cause that will make things worse xx

My journey from 26 weeks was pretty scary. In hospital in London for a week with bleeding and I keep thinking how ridiculously cavalier I was about it. I just didn't take them seriously when they talked about risks, I was just winging about them not letting me home.

Then I think about what could have happened if they had managed to get themselves together and release me on the monday at 29 weeks in Stirling. I was fortunately still in hospital because of shockingly poor administration on the Monday night when my waters broke. An hour and a half later I started losing blood and lost 2 pints in total. I kept thinking "what if...."

But then I realised, I would have gone up to the hospital when my waters broke anyway so I'd have been there when I started bleeding. I also have read so many "luckily I was....." stories that I have come to realise there was nothing lucky about it.

Grumpy, you DID realise something was wrong and you DID act on it. There is no reason to wonder what could have happened because, as you found out, you had enough instinct to know there was a problem. Mother nature is good to us like that!

It does sound like a touch of PTSD and it would be worthwhile talking to someone if you think you'll have trouble working through it yourself. Have you talked about this to your partner? He might have some insight to the experience that hasn't occurred to you. He saw the whole thing through different eyes. Mr Foo's experience was entirely different to mine.

Whatever you do, don't think you're being daft. We've all had very different experiences and none are comparable. Mine was relatively straightforward and my outlook on life meant I was able to handle it well. I daresay if I'd have had a rough a time of it as you, or Dona or Gillian, I'd be struggling too. But at the same time, it is possible that someone else could have had a similar experience as me and not been able to cope with it because they are an entirely different character.

Someone's problems are no less important simply because someone else has a "bigger" problem.

You are a very wise women, thank you!

I echo everything that has been said by all the lovely strong women on this forum. Grumpymoo you should never feel bad about how you feel. As Dona has said it was a traumatic experience which you are struggling to come to terms with. I totally emphasise with you about how you feel. It takes time, it could take months, maybe years before you come to terms with what has happened, just give yourself time. Counselling may be an option, it is something I am considering as since I returned to work I can't cope with the demands of my job and everything is starting to hit home. I am usually a positive person but this experience is proving too much for my character to cope with.

The great thing is, is that you have beautiful Rose and she will bring you so much joy in years to come and this I hope will bring you self healing.

x