I hope your hubby does find these men and stick a coat hanger right where the sun don't shine.

No words to describe what you went through. Sending you lots of hugs. xxxxxx

You are such a strong woman huni to go through all that xx

You know I'm here to talk if you ever need anything!!

Omg, I had no idea! Well, of course that's silly... how could I? I'm literally sitting here in tears my heart is breaking for you. I know, I know that isn't what you want but I just can't help it... it is bad enough what they did to you and the emotional trauma you had to carry because of it, but to now be told you can't have more children?



What are your feelings on surrogate mothers? Would you be willing to go that route? I know how important it was for you to be able to carry a baby to term, and have the big large bump to fall in love with... but maybe it could be a way to have another baby?

Hell, I'd be a surrogate mother for you if you ever needed one! I'm so sorry. I don't really know if what I am saying is insensitive, or downplaying what you are feeling.

It isn't meant that way, for sure. Big love and hugs being sent your way!

Thanks ladies. It really means a LOT to me to have your support. I woke up today feeling a lot better about it. It does still hurt, but I think mostly because something has been ripped away from me and my husband. I told him last night and we stayed up till 3am talking about it. His reaction wasn't what I thought it would be. I think the shock hasn't worn off yet, he is being very deadly calm. Im still waiting for the storm.

But I just have to keep thinking this isn't the end of anything, its the beginning of something else.

Maybe it's god (or whomever..Im not religious) way of saying adoption was always the way to go.

Sometimes life and circumstance make your choices for you. While it does suck, I can't stay angry forever. I can't be the victim in this anymore than I have been already. I have done the whole battered woman thing, I have done the rape survivor thing and maybe now I just need to do the moving on thing.

This all makes the miracle that is Lakai so much more meaningful. I always knew how special he is, but this really sets it in stone.

Today I am ok with it. Who knows what tomorrow will bring.

Thank you all so much!

You are truly amazing . It must have been so hard to tell your husband too. You are no way a victim, you are an inspiration!

Awe Tiff and Em. You both just made me cry! I actually never even thought of surrogate mothers. That's something to think about. And your post isn't insensitive or down playing anything. I need to think about the future or else I will get lost in dwelling on this. I've done the dwelling. I've done the whole depressed victim. I can't be that woman anymore. It's impossible to be with me when I am like that and my husband has stuck through that once before. I cannot do that to him again!

I have to tell my parents still, my mom will be the worst person to tell. She's never understood abused women. She's old fashion and doesn't get why abused women do not just leave. I have tried so many times to explain it and while it has sunk in a little....she still doesn't fully understand.

I don't know what her reaction will be.

I think she will drag me to as many specialists that it takes to get someone to "fix" me. And I will probably go along with it. *sigh*

It might be one of those things that its a "good" thing that she doesn't understand? (Meaning more because she's never had to go through it. I was in an abusive relationship for 4 years... I definitely understand what you mean!!!)

Take it one day at a time. My mother is a "fixer" as well. Maybe bring K with you for moral support? I think I remember you mentioning before that he's pretty close with your Mom as well?

Big love!

How could she understand? I dont think anyone will ever understand what you have been through. I've been through some stuff myself (but not half as much as you) and I found that telling people helped me dump it then move on. I know what you mean in that I didn't need 'fixing', I just needed to get it out and move on. It's definately made me stronger. I think you were picked to be Lakai's mum for a reason, he needed a strong Mummy to help him through his battles

oooooooh listen to me being all deep and stuff. So not me normally but I mean it

i hope you are ok, and you are working things out. and i like to think that you beat them by having your beautilful son and that. whether you adopt or not do not let these men win they are the scum of the earth and god will judge them don' you worry. and you are so brave to share you story with us and if you ever want to talk pm me hun xxx