I dont have much famil BUT i do have a dad and a stepmother, they are lovely and mean well but they annoy me sometimes!. like before christmas my stepmother looked after my two kids while i was at an appointment and when i got them back they had both been bathed, had their hair washed and were wearing new clothes!. which is nice that she did it but made me feel liek she must have thought they were dirty when they got there

sophie

Like others have suggested, I would just let her know that you're looking forward to her coming to take care of all the housework while you spend time with the baby! I wouldn't be able to tell my parents to shove off or anything either and luckily my mum isn't the interfering sort. I'm sure she'll be around to help, but I doubt she'll overstep the boundaries, she knows she is going to be a grandparent, not a parent to our LO.

My MIL is a bit different. She is the third parent to my SIL's boys and I find their relationship really odd. They only live two doors apart and both MIL and SIL have allowed the eldest boy to demand baths or meals at nannie's house instead of home etc. My SIL seems to like it that way but it is absolutely NOT for me.

Luckily we live 4 hours drive from them, so won't be having that problem! The flip side of that is that I actually doubt MIL will have much involvement with our LO at all. She strongly disapproves of us living near my family instead of near her, has offered us absolutely no emotional or financial support/assistance for moving and has pretty much said she won't be visiting us at our home, she expects us to go to her all the time. Like that's going to happen with a new baby! Especially as her house cannot accommodate the pair of us, let alone us and an infant!

Given how awful my relationship has always been with her I don't mind too much, but I feel terrible for hubby as he would obviously like his family to have a role in our lives.

my mom never butted in...she didnt even stay with us even after we had our 1st...which i was thankful for...cause it gave the 3 of us a time to bond and be ourselves...

I agree with being as open and honest with her as you can. I am setting boundaries for both sides but more so my FIL and his girlfriend. They both are insistent on being in the childs life and being around to babysit but time after time they have proven to me and my DH that I cannot trust them. FIL got into a fender bender last year and was intoxicated and got a DUI, and both him and his GF smoke in their home and actually smoke right beside me this past Thanksgiving while I was obviously pregnant. The boundary I have set for them is that they will be able to take care of the LO but only in our home. It will probably be hard to implement as I trust my parents a heck of a lot more than the FIL but it is just a boundary that I have in order to ensure the safety of my child and keep him healthy.

Everything else, my MIL and FIL have a huge problem with stopping by, and I have already advised everyone this will not be allowed.

The only limit I have on my parents is the stop by but they are not prone to doing so.

Sorry you are having such a rough time with your mother. I say just communicate and if she doesn't understand then be happy that you have done and said what you can and hopefully one day she will be able to accept the boundaries set in place.

Have you thought of writing her a letter? I know that may sound a little immature but I have thought of doing this for all the grandparents just to ensure that my point gets across.

Hope it all works out hun!

I'm a first timer and my experience thus far (partially to do with my age also, being 19 & the fact that I live at home):

My parents
- always criticize me for certain things ie: keeping things clean enough, making my room baby proof and safe (meanwhile he still smokes in our living room with me in the room/in the next room!!)

His parents
- his mum keeps coming up with names for us that I usually don't like. I know what name I like and I feel like I'm not going to get it because my boyfriend wants something specific as the middle name, and none of my names match it and although the name his mother suggested is nice and I do like it, it's not something i envisioned naming my own daughter. Not my style I guess but very nice (Ainslyn - but I like the names Carina and Elyse)

Also between them there was (it has died off a bit) a little competition it seemed with regards to gifts, umm just being nice to me/my boyfriend, etc. Both offered to babysit and throw showers and are making handmade baby items - I appreciate it all I just hope it's their excitement and not them wanting to be the favourite grandparents!