leeanne

We need some laughs!!!!!!!!!

Been far too serious in here lately!

leeanne

IF MEN GOT PREGNANT

1. Maternity leave would last two years....with full pay.

2. There would be a cure for stretch marks.

3. Natural childbirth would become obsolete.

4. Morning sickness would rank as the nation's #1 health problem.

5. All methods of birth control would be 100% effective.

6. Children would be kept in the hospital until toilet trained.

7. Men would be eager to talk about commitment.

8. They wouldn't think twins were so cute.

9. Sons would have to be home from dates by 10:00 PM.

10. Briefcases would be used as diaper bags.

11. Paternity suits would be a fashion line of clothes.

12. They'd stay in bed during the entire pregnancy.

13. Restaurants would include ice cream and pickles as main entrees.

14. Women would rule the world.

leeanne

leeanne

leeanne

http://www.allfunnypictures.com/pages2/preggos.html

http://funtasticus.com/20080424/funn...regnancy-tips/

Heather.78

love it leeanne baby makers brillant, thanks for making me laugh

leeanne

When you become pregnant, you have a lot of questions. Where can you turn for the answers? Well, here is some very helpful pregnancy info for you. Solid answers to those pesky questions about what happens during pregnancy, during labor, and after you have a baby. Here are answers to common questions being pregnant and having a baby.

BEFORE THE PREGNANCY:

Am I more likely to get pregnant if my husband wears boxers rather then briefs?
Yes, but you’ll have an even better chance if he doesn’t wear anything at all.

Are birth control pills deductible?
Only if they don’t work.

What is a chastity belt?
A labor-saving device.

Should I have a baby after 35?
No, 35 children are enough.

Can a mother get pregnant while nursing?
Yes, but it’s much easier if she removes the baby from her breast and puts him to sleep first.

My husband and I are very attractive. I’m sure our baby will be beautiful enough for commercials. Whom should I contact about this?
Your therapist.
When will my baby move?
With any luck, right after he finishes high school.

How will I know if my vomiting is morning sickness or the flu?
If it’s the flu, you’ll get better.

Since I became pregnant, my breasts, rear-end, and even my feet have grown. Is there anything that gets smaller during pregnancy?
Yes, your bladder.

What is the most common pregnancy craving?
For men to be the ones who get pregnant.

What is the most reliable method to determine a baby’s sex?
Childbirth.

The more pregnant I get, the more often strangers smile at me. Why?
‘Cause you’re fatter than they are.

My wife is five months pregnant and so moody that sometimes she’s borderline irrational.
So what’s your question?

What’s the difference between a nine-month pregnant woman and a model?
Nothing, if the pregnant woman’s husband knows what’s good for him.
DURING THE PREGNANCY:

How will I know if my vomiting is morning sickness or the flu?
If it’s the flu, you’ll get better.

I normally wear a size 34-C brNow that I’m pregnant, should I continue to wear a bra?
Not if you don’t mind switching in the future to a size 34-Long.

What is the most reliable method to determine a baby’s sex?
Childbirth.

I’m two months pregnant now. When will my baby move?
With any luck, right after he finishes college.

Since I became pregnant, my breasts, rear end, and even my feet have grown. Is there anything that gets smaller during pregnancy?
Yes, your bladder.

Ever since I’ve been pregnant, I haven’t been able to go to bed at night without onion rings. Is this a normal craving?
Depends on what you’re doing with them.

Under what circumstances can sex at the end of pregnancy bring on labor?
When the sex is between your husband and another woman.

What position should the baby be in during the ninth month of pregnancy?
Head down, pressing firmly on your bladder.

My childbirth instructor says it’s not pain I’ll feel during labor, but pressure. Is she right?
Yes, in the same way that a tornado might be called an air current.

When is the best time to get an epidural?
Right after you find out your pregnant.

How long is the average woman in labor?
Whatever she says, divided by two.

Is there any reason I have to be in the delivery room while my wife is in labor?
Not unless the word “alimony” means anything to you.

What does it mean when the baby’s head is crowning?
It means you feel as though not only a crown but the entire throne is trying to make its way out of you.

What are forceps?
Giant baby tweezers.

Does labor cause hemorrhoids?
Labor causes anything you want to blame it for.

ryder

Good Idea Leanne! I am bored in a Friday niht and my OH is doing midnights so he is sleeping now and I have no life except work and being lazy right now... BORING!!!!!

Damn, I just posted the same thing you did! lol

Pearl

lol at some of them (i feel so tired to read the long posts tho)

ryder

My wife, who is blonde, came running up to me in the driveway, the other day, just jumping for joy! I didn't know why she was jumping for joy but I thought, what the heck and I starting jumping up and down along with her.

When she said, "Honey, I have some really great news for you!"

I said, "Great. Tell me what you're so happy about."

She stopped jumping and was breathing heavily from all the jumping up and down, when she told me that she was pregnant!

I was ecstatic! We had been trying for a while, so I grabbed her and kissed her on the lips and told her, "T hat's great! I couldn't be happier!"

Then, she said "Oh, honey. There's more."

I asked, "What do you mean 'more'?"

She said, "Well, we are not having just one baby. We are going to have TWINS!"

Amazed at how she could know so soon after getting pregnant, I asked her how she knew. She said.....

(You're going to love this!)

"Well, that was the easy part. I went to Walmart and they actually had a home pregnancy kit in a twin-pack. Both tests came out positive!"