Pregnancy - Third Trimester

Helz · Jul 16th, 2008, 15:40 PM

I'm due to give birth on Saturday to my first baby and I'm feeling very angry with my partner. Despite the fact I'm so big now and that I also suffer from SPD, my partner still expects me to do everything around the house! Cooking, cleaning, washing and generally picking up after him. I've even had to get on my hands and knees to clean the bathroom and clean his fish tank. All of this makes me feel exhausted and worsens my pelvic pain. Since I gave up working due to the pregnancy and my SPD, my partner expects me to do everything in 'payment' for his financial support if you know what I mean? He really resents the fact that I don't work and that it is his repsonsibility to provide for our new family, despite the fact that he knew this would be the case since January. I understand this a stressful time for him but he has no consideration for my feelings. He is angry that he has had to spend most of his savings on baby items and seems to forget the fact that I have spent every penny of my own money on the baby also. I feel that he is using money as a way of controlling me as he gets to choose what we buy and when we buy it. To him, everything he wants to buy is a great idea and everything that I want is unreasonable. He gets angry with me when I want to buy grocerys (which is all I ask for), but when he wants to but a plasma TV its supposedly fine. I am so sick to death of being treated like a 1930's housewife. I've already lost my independence and made my own sacrifices for our baby and I'm just so angry with being treated like a worthless scrounger and a maid to him. I just want him to appreciate how much hard work pregnancy is, especially in the last few weeks, and I want him to stop treating me like dirt and thinking that its ok because he is providing for us financially. I've tried talking to him about it so many times and never get anywhere. Don't know how I'm going to cope with being a stay at home mum until my SPD has gone.

Sorry to rant, just wondering if anyone else has experienced anything simillar or can give me some advice?

Thanks

leeanne · Jul 16th, 2008, 15:52 PM

Sorry honey! Men and their attitudes suck at times!

Angelica · Jul 16th, 2008, 15:57 PM

I'm sorry to hear that, it cant be nice for u to be treated this way.
Have u told him exactly how he is making u feel? He really shouldnt be expecting u to cook/clean/run around after him, especially not now!!

Do u have any savings u can use to get by for a while so u dont have to ask him for money whenever u need to buy something?

Helz · Jul 16th, 2008, 16:05 PM

I've already spent my savings on things for the baby, in fact its me that has pretty much bought everything despite the fact that I am the one who's not working

I've explained to him exactly how i feel on several occasions but he just thinks I'm moaning at him and it starts mor emoney arguments

hotsexymum · Jul 16th, 2008, 16:15 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Helz

I'm due to give birth on Saturday to my first baby and I'm feeling very angry with my partner. Despite the fact I'm so big now and that I also suffer from SPD, my partner still expects me to do everything around the house! Cooking, cleaning, washing and generally picking up after him. I've even had to get on my hands and knees to clean the bathroom and clean his fish tank. All of this makes me feel exhausted and worsens my pelvic pain. Since I gave up working due to the pregnancy and my SPD, my partner expects me to do everything in 'payment' for his financial support if you know what I mean? He really resents the fact that I don't work and that it is his repsonsibility to provide for our new family, despite the fact that he knew this would be the case since January. I understand this a stressful time for him but he has no consideration for my feelings. He is angry that he has had to spend most of his savings on baby items and seems to forget the fact that I have spent every penny of my own money on the baby also. I feel that he is using money as a way of controlling me as he gets to choose what we buy and when we buy it. To him, everything he wants to buy is a great idea and everything that I want is unreasonable. He gets angry with me when I want to buy grocerys (which is all I ask for), but when he wants to but a plasma TV its supposedly fine. I am so sick to death of being treated like a 1930's housewife. I've already lost my independence and made my own sacrifices for our baby and I'm just so angry with being treated like a worthless scrounger and a maid to him. I just want him to appreciate how much hard work pregnancy is, especially in the last few weeks, and I want him to stop treating me like dirt and thinking that its ok because he is providing for us financially. I've tried talking to him about it so many times and never get anywhere. Don't know how I'm going to cope with being a stay at home mum until my SPD has gone.

Sorry to rant, just wondering if anyone else has experienced anything simillar or can give me some advice?

Thanks

am sorry to say this but you may not like what am going to say ,but please dont try and understand ok hear i go .............
i would tell him to leave ,as he thinks you are depending on him and there is help out there for and baby you would get your rent paid council tax ect , and you would have your self respect , my other half trys yes trys to boss me about ,and i put him in line lol he has said he was going to leave me at times beouse he dont get his own way and i just said well go then and offered to help him pack lol you have to turn the tables and that shocked him as years ago i would beg him to stay ,but not no more , do you understand what am saying ????? he may not even leave at all and your be the boss then not him , and if he did leave he will soon be back , hope this helps you just put your foot down ,and tell him your not putting up with it

taperjeangirl · Jul 16th, 2008, 18:50 PM

I wish there was a pill men could take so they could feel exactly what it is like to be pregnant.....They just have no idea

leedsforever · Jul 16th, 2008, 18:54 PM

awww hun sorry to hear this..... my god there is no way I could get on all fours right now!!!

!!

Have you sat him down and explained to him how your feeling etc?? Maybe he doesnt realise?? Men are abit crap like that!!!

My OH always says "pregnancy isnt an illness you know!"!!! Im like "well you bloody do it then.... and see how you feel

?"

Hope things get better

Another question.... is he taking any time of paternity with you and baby because I think that really helps to show the man what having a baby entails!!! Two of my friends get it in the neck from there OH and I really think its cos they havent spent any time seeing what they have to do on a daily basis!!!