em82

aaarrrrrrrrrrggggggghhhhhhhhhh men

Me and my oh have been together nearly 4 yrs got married last yr both got a child from previous relationships. Im due in 6 weeks. He just seems so...we.... I dont know what...we just cant seem to get on at all at the moment.
Maybe im being unreasonable but I feel he is taking the p*ss a bit, drinking all the time while I drive, not helping at all around the house, not coming with me to choose baby stuff. I know he busy at work etc etc and men dont get excited about cots and things like we do but please - a little interest.
tried to talk to him about it and all he says is he is sick of my moaning and thats all I do and he doesnt deserve it.. that i dont make him feel loved etc

maybe my hormones are playing me up and Im a bit over sensitive but is this not to be expected??????? i really feel like our replationship is suffering from this pregnancy and worry that things are going to get even worse after baby, its taking all the fun and excitement out of this last stage of pregnancy and Im almost dreading baby coming through fear of what he will be like

ive posted similar post to this before so sorry but thought it would get better - my mistake

hope everyone is ok

sorry for long moan

xxxxxxxxxxxxx

mBLACK

Sorry you feel this way, it's understandable how you're feeling though.. You should explain to him how you feel, sometimes men need a hand to understand, their minds aren't so bright!

Baby-Love

To be honest, the more you discuss your feelings, men class it as "nagging".
He doesn't really have that 'connection', yet.
It's different for us women, we're bonded with the little one the minute we find out we're pregnant.
Yeah, some men are more involved with the whole pregnancy process. However, not all.
Sometimes my other half doesn't seem so interested and I can find that upsetting.
It wasn't until I asked him if he really wanted our child..I'd never seen him so hurt.
He then explained to me that all men see is a growing belly..and they can't grasp the idea of something growing inside of a body. Sometimes it seems 'gross'..even though he understands the 'parasite' is actually his baby...Men can't get the full reality of it, not until their little bundle is placed in their arms.

As for the cooperation when buying or looking at baby stuff...I've given up on that aspect. lol
Everytime we plan to go and look at baby stuff together I find him in the electronic section...or game section.

I get.."Well, I am here.. I do care. I just don't know what to pick. You know what the baby needs, I'll support you on what ever you decide on."
Yeah, I'd like him to get as excited as I do when I pick up the little booties..
But..c'mon, seriously 90% of men won't.

My other half likes to feel my stomach with the baby moving.. Until lately.
The baby isn't as cooperative to react to certain belly taps..I mean, there isn't much room...SO he's back to spending more time doing other things.

I guess it would annoy you seeing him continuing his drinking expiditions and having you basically chasing after him as normal.. Men don't see it that way.
They forget to think of the extra physical strain, not to mention the emotional baggage.
You could be being a tad emotional at times, and other times he may deserve the 'nag'.
Try and choose your fights.. besides, let him have a little time with the guys.
Even if you're feeling he should be at home.
I am sure when your little one comes he'll be opting for nights home.

It is just as hard on guys as it is for us..
They have to put up with our hormonal swings for one..and everyone pushes 'Daddy' aside. They're just expected to get on with this huge change. He'll be feeling just as worried about your upcoming situation. He just has a different way of dealing.
Put your feet up, don't stress it.
You'll soon find once the arguments settle he'll be hovering around you more.

em82

thanks for replies huns
he told me last night that he doesnt feel im happy (with him i think he was getting at) and siad that if Im not then to leave cos he would do anything for me and cant do anymore. i cant believe he said it. hence couldnt sleep after that and now feel even more shit today... sorry to be so down on things. this should be a happy and excited post about meeting my baby in 6 weeks
xx

Baby-Love

As harsh as it sounds, if you're unhappy there is no point in staying.
I don't think it's how you actually feel...well, enough to leave.
I just think you feel you need more support. However, he's just as clueless as you.

Take some time out from arguging and look at the bigger picture.
Save it, or leave it..?

Think of your overall happiness.

It's a very emotional time for you both right now..either put nonsense aside, or call it a day.

I think if you just bite your tongue and let some behaviour slide..just concentrate on your big day ahead.. You'll see him come round.

Let him have some breathing space.. take some time to show you are happy with him, if you are?

maybebaby

Maybe try and plan a nice little evening for just the two of you, and just concentrate on why you are together - because you love eachother!! Men can get sick of talking about babies all the time and want to feel like they are still cared about too!! I know mine feels left out sometimes, so we plan little evenings together to be just us before the baby comes. Not sure I am making sense, but I hope it helps even a tiny bit!!

aj2000

I'm sorry you feel like this and I agree that it might be good for you and OH to have a trip out, just the two of you.

My OH always comes to appointments and shopping trips but doesn't really show any excitement - not sure how you achieve that one!

Would it help to tell him how important he is to you and how much you appreciate it when he does things for you? I find that paising my OH for the stuff he does encourages him to do more (slightly cunning I know ). Maybe this slightly different approach won't feel as much like nagging? Men seem useless at listening to us when we are emotional - it's like there's a switch that goes off in their heads and they stop listening (I have to concentrate on using the right tone of voice when I have something to discuss with my OH!)
Men just don't communicate as well as us, annoyingly!

Hope things get better for you hun

taperjeangirl

Hiya
I am kind of going through the same as you, well i was.
My OH declared one night that he never really wanted our baby in the 1st place which made us fall out big style.
But for a few weeks before that he would go on about me nagging him and moaning to which I started feeling really guilty that I must have been playing off all of my hormones on him. He also came out with the "well if your not happy, we will split up" speech
But we sat down alone and spoke openly about it all and it turns out he is just really scared about the responsibilty of another child, (it took me 3 hours to squeeze that little bit of information out of him) I have a daughter that he has practically brought up but this time this is his own baby so i believed him when he said how scared he is. Then he also told me that he can't get excited like i do about prams/cribs/clothes because it's all still quite surreal that we are having a baby together but he is sure he will feel totally different when the baby is actually here, and I believe that too, because we have our LO causing havoc from the minute we fall pregnant and then we feel them moving and growning inside us so we are bound to feel closer to them while I'm sure our men must feel quite useless sometimes when all they can do is hold our hair back when we are throwing up or fetch the heartburn medicine from the kitchen in the middle of the night!!

I think you both need to talk about how you are feeling and see how it goes from there, hopefully he will just be feeling the same as mine was and you will be able to sort it out and start feeling excited about your LO coming soon!

OOOPPPsss Sorry! This turned into a bit of a novel!!!!

Heather.78

Im sorry you feel bad at the moment but like the others say men have a hard time connection with the baby until its here my poor oh is trying to get all the activities in that he can before the baby is born ie going out with the lads etc... which is really annoying as I feel alittle overlooked and ignored sometimes but I keep telling myself he wont be able to go out when the baby is here so let him have his fun however there is going to be a time in about 5 weeks when I say enough is enough just in case bubs makes an early arrival take care hun and treat yourself to some girly things ie manicure, massage etc it might make you feel better

poppy

I am sorry he is being like this. Maybe he is just a bit nervous about the baby's arrival as well...it might seem a bit surreal to him at the moment. Maybe when the baby is born and gets to hold the baby, his paternal instincts will kick in.

As for the drinking and making you run after him and stuff, that is bang out of order. Tell him that if he wants to go out, he will either have to walk home or get a taxi.

Hope things improve for you soon.

xxx