I've never been close with my Dad's parents, only ever saw them once a year and used to write occasionally, but for the last two years I've not had any contact with them at all. Basically what happened was that my older brother died suddenly, totally out of the blue, and of course we were all devastated - but they weren't. They had a holiday booked so instead of travelling down to be with us, they chose not to bother coming to the funeral and go on their holiday instead. They even had the nerve to send me a postcard saying it was a shame that they 'couldn't be there'. I was not well pleased to say the least! When they got back I then received a letter from them telling me that I should be supporting my parents more. I was livid! I wanted to write back saying exactly what I thought of them, but I restrained myself and just chose to have no contact from that point on.
Anyway, now that I'm pregnant my gran is apparently acting all upset and huffy when she talks to my parents, about the fact that she won't get to see this baby, and yet she hasn't attempted to make any contact with me. Surely it is up to her to get in touch and maybe apologise for her appalling behaviour??! Or should I just play nice and make the first move? I certainly have no wish to see her myself, but should I let her be involved?

god thats awful hon, hugs to you.

I think its most definitely up to your grandparents to make amends, not you!
If she wants to be involved, then she ought to be coming to you with apologies.

Hope you get it sorted.
x

Personally, I'd just wait for your grandparents to make amends. However, that generation can be very stubborn so you might find that they don't...

So long as you're happy to keep them out of your lives then keep at it.

Big hugs xxx

Double post.

I suppose the question is, if one of them passed suddenly, would you regret them never having had contact with your baby? Or your baby not knowing that part of their heritage?

Thats true!!

***but***

I am in a similar situation with my SIL. Not the same circumstance as you but the same sort of stand off situation and it has only been going on a few months. She was important to my husband because they are blood siblings and were adopted so this is her first neice/nephew let alone her only blood neice/nephew ever. She has fallen out with us over a FB comment (By the way the comment was apparantly i said that we avoid her... which we dont, we are the ones that invite ourselves round to hers and she never ever bothered with us ever so 1. it is an untrue comment i made and 2. why split up a family over a nothing comment like that!!)and she refused to discuss it and has never contacted us in months. So we will text her the news of the babys birth and that is it... the rest is up to her. She has kids that we have both been so excited about the birth of and (i wasnt in scotland for the first baby) my husband even pitched in 1/3 of the money for her pram. But she never bought us anything and only ever asked how i was once the entire pregnancy and that was after i babysat for her for free. So I kinda feel like, if she isnt going to bother caring about me or the baby while he is in my tummy, why should she get the benefit of the cuddles when he is out. We are leaving it completely up to her and seeing how she acts after the baby is born whether or not she gets to be involved in our lives. If she carries on being petty, that is the end. Right now we are allowing that if she sees she is being childish and apologises we can move on.

It is a tricky situation. I wish you all the luck in the world!

Its tricky but maybe you could send a card when little one is born with a personlised message in like "xx was bon on xx weighing xxx - It would be lovely if you could visit. Please do call me on xxxx to let me know when you would like to come"

Of course, that depends on if you want them to visit or not but at least this way you have given them the opptunity to contact you.

x

Personally, if it were me in your position then I would be leaving it down to them to make contact and apologise. They should be contacting you to discuss their reasons as to why they are upset etc - not your parents because its between them and you. Not you, them and your parents. But I agree with Mrs RC to some extent, maybe when bump is born, do the card thing with a little photo just confirming name, weight, time of birth etc.

Hope all works out for you x

personally i would leave it to them to contact you... but if they did contact, i wouldnt hold any grudges. Life is too short x

I would try and make the first move. If after that she is still huffy about not seeing the baby then you at least have peace of mind that you gave her the chance.