It's me again!!! another FOB rant!!!!

sophieee18 · Feb 28th, 2010, 08:48 AM

Im not sure if you have been following the million and one problems I have been having with FOB. Just a quick explanation for those who don't know what I am talking about!

So we split up a few weeks ago, and he decided he didn't want anything to do with bubba. Baby was going to be called Alfie Thomas, after FOB! So of course, if FOB didn't want anything to do with the baby, I wasn't going to name the baby after him!
I was attached to the name Alfie, as was everyone around me, so I finally decided on Alfie Ronnie David (after my grandads who both recently passed away).

Anyway, I got a text a few days ago saying that he has really been thinking about it and if me and him stopped the arguments, he would have something to do with the baby. I was happy at his decision (even though its him who starts every argument) and we agreeed to meet sometime this week to talk about arrangments and stuff. All was happy untill Firday night...

I got a text at 12.30. I was asleep, but it woke me up. It said 'My son is being called Alfie Thomas Burden'
I replied - 'I have chosen his name, and I have told my nan's that he is being named after my grandads. They are really happy about this, I don't think I could tell them that I have decided not to name him after them. You was the one who decided you didn't want to be in babys life. If you said from the day we split up that you was going to be there for Alfie, I wouldn't of changed his name'.

It then ended up a hour long phone call, in the middle of the night.

He was so horrible, I was in tears!

He said that he has a solicitor, and every message I have ever sent him has been shown to his solicitor. (personally, I think this is a load of bollox) Im not worried as I have not sent him any nasty texts

He said he has rights - I have not tried to stop him seeing the baby at all.
He thinks he has more rights than me because he has a job, and I am claiming benfits!!! Im telling you now, if I could work, I bloody would!!! I know Im a young mum, but believe me, as soon as little one goes to nursery, I WILL get a job!

He then said he will take the baby off me. Of course this sent me mad!!! He can't take me baby off me!!!

I am so worried. Im scared. I don't know what he is capeable of.
No matter what, I will inform him when I am in labour. If I don't I know he will do something bad.
He is coming to the hospital. But he will not be there whilst i am in labour. He will only come in the room once baby is born. I have my mum there so I am not alone.

But then once the baby is born, what are my rights?

I don't want him seeing the baby without me being there. He can't take him out for the day. Im so worried he will do something. I don't have a problem with him comeing to my house to spend a few hours with him, but NO WAY is he taking him out!!

Am I allowed this? If he takes me to court, will he win, and will he be allowed to take him away from me?

Im am so scared! Im so worried that something will hapen to my baby.

I have all of my family supporting me, but no one has actually told me what would happen if we went through the court.

Any advice is really really appreciated.

Thank you!!!

A3my · Feb 28th, 2010, 08:55 AM

He would not be allowed to take your baby away from you (unless he could prove you were an unfit mother - to the extreme though like actual neglect). He sounds like a manipulative threatening b@stard. Dont let him scare you. As you are not married you dont even have to put his name on the birth certificate and it would be up to you to give him parental rights. I know this because my DH and I separated for 6 months before we got married and I saw a solicitor then. I would definately advise you to go and see either a solicitor or go to the citizens advice beareau (cant spell!). Make sure you keep a record of all his texts. He is threatening you and its not fair, if he cared about his baby he should worry about your well-being too as the stress he is causing you will affect the baby. Stay strong, it sounds like you have a supportive family. x x x

smokey · Feb 28th, 2010, 09:01 AM

If your not married the father has no parental rights as such unless its been proven you are not fit to raise the child, with a supportive family around you that is extremly hard for him to even get a solicitor to even listen to him.

curlykate · Feb 28th, 2010, 09:04 AM

I agree, he sounds like a manipulative b@stard!
Well I can't really offer advice, because laws are different here in Canada, I just wanted to show my support. I agree with A3my that you should talk to a lawyer and find out what both your's and his rights are, and then you won't be surprised.

smokey · Feb 28th, 2010, 09:04 AM

Also if these problems are still going on when you go into labour make sure the midwifes know about this so they can be watchfull when or if he visits, they are normaly quite good about this.

Lilicat · Feb 28th, 2010, 09:09 AM

I agree with the person above, he cannot take you baby from you. The only way he would get full custody is if you were neglectful or abusive. He can go to court to gain visitations rights, now much time he is allowed with baby is decided by the court.

Until the court make a decision as to what his rights are his visitation is what you allow him to have so you can stop him taking the baby out initially however the court may later decide he will be allowed to do this.

I also agree with keeping a record of all the calls/texts in case you need it later. If he says anything threatening report him to the police, you can then use that report to back up your case later.

I would suggest not naming him on the birth certificate and speaking to someone to get some legal advice on where you stand.

Try not to let him stress you out, I think he is saying anything he can to get at you/get a reaction.

jackie.d · Feb 28th, 2010, 09:10 AM

he can not take baby from you hun, he has no rights at all with what you decide to call the baby hes now using everything he can think of to scare you into giving in to him.

if you feel you can give citizens advice a call and explain to them the threats he is making with soliciters and they will help you and give you all the advice you need xx honestly hun he hasnt got a leg to stand on. xxxx

smokey · Feb 28th, 2010, 09:12 AM

Actualy somthing I just read says the laws changed yesterday (typical timing) so your best action is to seek proffesional advice.

Heres the article I just read
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/arti...d-fathers.html

Lexi mummy · Feb 28th, 2010, 09:29 AM

i think he is being very spiteful and nasty. i hate to say it but i know this is how my dh would act if we split up too.

my FIL for years threatened my MIL that he would take the kids away from her if she left him so she wouldnt leave. its wrong to be this way. i think maternal preference does still stand to a certain extent and i dont see any judge taking a little baby away from his/her mother unless like the others have said you are abusing your child etc.

please go to the CAB and get some advice however i think you dont have anything to worry about. i could understand him being this way if you had told him he is not having anything to do with baby but to resort to this on his part with no good reason it just plain nasty and you do not need the stress in your pregnancy xx

MandaAnda · Feb 28th, 2010, 09:58 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by smokey

Actualy somthing I just read says the laws changed yesterday (typical timing) so your best action is to seek proffesional advice.

Heres the article I just read
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/arti...d-fathers.html

This is for unmarried fathers, but they would've both had to register the baby together. If you leave him off the birth certificate and aren't married to him, then he has no rights to the baby. I believe you'd have to specifically have to go through the courts them to ever grant him parental responsibility (which is actually the issue here, regardless of whether you say he's FOB to anyone), and that would be entirely up to you. The mother is the only one who ever always automatically has parental responsibility.

Feb 28th, 2010, 08:48 AM	#1
sophieee18 Mum (Mom) Active BnB Member Join Date: Oct 2009 Location: Kent, UK Posts: 856	It's me again!!! another FOB rant!!!! Im not sure if you have been following the million and one problems I have been having with FOB. Just a quick explanation for those who don't know what I am talking about! So we split up a few weeks ago, and he decided he didn't want anything to do with bubba. Baby was going to be called Alfie Thomas, after FOB! So of course, if FOB didn't want anything to do with the baby, I wasn't going to name the baby after him! I was attached to the name Alfie, as was everyone around me, so I finally decided on Alfie Ronnie David (after my grandads who both recently passed away). Anyway, I got a text a few days ago saying that he has really been thinking about it and if me and him stopped the arguments, he would have something to do with the baby. I was happy at his decision (even though its him who starts every argument) and we agreeed to meet sometime this week to talk about arrangments and stuff. All was happy untill Firday night... I got a text at 12.30. I was asleep, but it woke me up. It said 'My son is being called Alfie Thomas Burden' I replied - 'I have chosen his name, and I have told my nan's that he is being named after my grandads. They are really happy about this, I don't think I could tell them that I have decided not to name him after them. You was the one who decided you didn't want to be in babys life. If you said from the day we split up that you was going to be there for Alfie, I wouldn't of changed his name'. It then ended up a hour long phone call, in the middle of the night. He was so horrible, I was in tears! He said that he has a solicitor, and every message I have ever sent him has been shown to his solicitor. (personally, I think this is a load of bollox) Im not worried as I have not sent him any nasty texts He said he has rights - I have not tried to stop him seeing the baby at all. He thinks he has more rights than me because he has a job, and I am claiming benfits!!! Im telling you now, if I could work, I bloody would!!! I know Im a young mum, but believe me, as soon as little one goes to nursery, I WILL get a job! He then said he will take the baby off me. Of course this sent me mad!!! He can't take me baby off me!!! I am so worried. Im scared. I don't know what he is capeable of. No matter what, I will inform him when I am in labour. If I don't I know he will do something bad. He is coming to the hospital. But he will not be there whilst i am in labour. He will only come in the room once baby is born. I have my mum there so I am not alone. But then once the baby is born, what are my rights? I don't want him seeing the baby without me being there. He can't take him out for the day. Im so worried he will do something. I don't have a problem with him comeing to my house to spend a few hours with him, but NO WAY is he taking him out!! Am I allowed this? If he takes me to court, will he win, and will he be allowed to take him away from me? Im am so scared! Im so worried that something will hapen to my baby. I have all of my family supporting me, but no one has actually told me what would happen if we went through the court. Any advice is really really appreciated. Thank you!!!

Status: Offline

Feb 28th, 2010, 08:55 AM	#2
A3my Other BnB Addict Join Date: Jan 2010 Location: Kent Posts: 2,600	He would not be allowed to take your baby away from you (unless he could prove you were an unfit mother - to the extreme though like actual neglect). He sounds like a manipulative threatening b@stard. Dont let him scare you. As you are not married you dont even have to put his name on the birth certificate and it would be up to you to give him parental rights. I know this because my DH and I separated for 6 months before we got married and I saw a solicitor then. I would definately advise you to go and see either a solicitor or go to the citizens advice beareau (cant spell!). Make sure you keep a record of all his texts. He is threatening you and its not fair, if he cared about his baby he should worry about your well-being too as the stress he is causing you will affect the baby. Stay strong, it sounds like you have a supportive family. x x x

Status: Offline

Feb 28th, 2010, 09:01 AM	#3
smokey Mum (Mom) BnB Addict Join Date: Mar 2009 Location: Surrey Posts: 7,691	If your not married the father has no parental rights as such unless its been proven you are not fit to raise the child, with a supportive family around you that is extremly hard for him to even get a solicitor to even listen to him.

Status: Offline

Feb 28th, 2010, 09:04 AM	#4
curlykate Mum (Mom) Chat Happy BnB Member Join Date: Aug 2009 Posts: 1,152	I agree, he sounds like a manipulative b@stard! Well I can't really offer advice, because laws are different here in Canada, I just wanted to show my support. I agree with A3my that you should talk to a lawyer and find out what both your's and his rights are, and then you won't be surprised.

Status: Offline

Feb 28th, 2010, 09:04 AM	#5
smokey Mum (Mom) BnB Addict Join Date: Mar 2009 Location: Surrey Posts: 7,691	Also if these problems are still going on when you go into labour make sure the midwifes know about this so they can be watchfull when or if he visits, they are normaly quite good about this.

Status: Offline

Feb 28th, 2010, 09:09 AM	#6
Lilicat Mum (Mom) Chat Happy BnB Member Join Date: Jun 2009 Location: Hampshire Posts: 1,124	I agree with the person above, he cannot take you baby from you. The only way he would get full custody is if you were neglectful or abusive. He can go to court to gain visitations rights, now much time he is allowed with baby is decided by the court. Until the court make a decision as to what his rights are his visitation is what you allow him to have so you can stop him taking the baby out initially however the court may later decide he will be allowed to do this. I also agree with keeping a record of all the calls/texts in case you need it later. If he says anything threatening report him to the police, you can then use that report to back up your case later. I would suggest not naming him on the birth certificate and speaking to someone to get some legal advice on where you stand. Try not to let him stress you out, I think he is saying anything he can to get at you/get a reaction.

Status: Online

Feb 28th, 2010, 09:10 AM	#7
jackie.d Mum (Mom) Chat Happy BnB Member Join Date: Apr 2008 Location: scotland Posts: 1,520	he can not take baby from you hun, he has no rights at all with what you decide to call the baby hes now using everything he can think of to scare you into giving in to him. if you feel you can give citizens advice a call and explain to them the threats he is making with soliciters and they will help you and give you all the advice you need xx honestly hun he hasnt got a leg to stand on. xxxx

Status: Offline

Feb 28th, 2010, 09:12 AM	#8
smokey Mum (Mom) BnB Addict Join Date: Mar 2009 Location: Surrey Posts: 7,691	Actualy somthing I just read says the laws changed yesterday (typical timing) so your best action is to seek proffesional advice. Heres the article I just read http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/arti...d-fathers.html

Status: Offline

Feb 28th, 2010, 09:29 AM	#9
Lexi mummy Mum (Mom) Chat Happy BnB Member Join Date: Aug 2009 Location: Norwich, UK Posts: 1,118	i think he is being very spiteful and nasty. i hate to say it but i know this is how my dh would act if we split up too. my FIL for years threatened my MIL that he would take the kids away from her if she left him so she wouldnt leave. its wrong to be this way. i think maternal preference does still stand to a certain extent and i dont see any judge taking a little baby away from his/her mother unless like the others have said you are abusing your child etc. please go to the CAB and get some advice however i think you dont have anything to worry about. i could understand him being this way if you had told him he is not having anything to do with baby but to resort to this on his part with no good reason it just plain nasty and you do not need the stress in your pregnancy xx

Status: Offline

Similar Threads
Was in hospital last night + fob rant!	Teen Pregnancy
RANT again about FOB	Teen Pregnancy
AAARRRGGHHH FOB Rant	Teen Pregnancy
Fob rant upset	Teen Pregnancy

User Name		Remember Me?
Password