I'm not judging you..But you're posting on a public forum so you're bound to have people who aren't going to tell you what you want to hear.. I just think it's wrong that you want to take away a man's right's to get revenge for something he said to you and that is what it sounds like. If you tell him you're going to register you're son and he doesn't turn up then fine.. His loss.. But to not put him on the certificate because you "don't want him to have rights" is pretty immature IMO.

Also not putting him on the birth certificate then give's you no right to request any kind of payment or contribution from him from for example the CSA.. Also not putting him on the certificate may take away his equal parental right's or whatever it's called but he then has EVERY right to take you to court and request a DNA test to which you can't refuse because it will be put in a formal court order.. So whilst it's all well and good taking away a man's right's because it suits you it's not as simple as "I don't want him to have rights so I'll keep him off the birth certificate"

I don't want to start an arguement, like I said I was looking for advice!
I don't think I am being immature at all. I genuinely am frightened of him!
Thanks for your opinion, but it doesn't really help my emotional state!

I'm not trying to argue with you.
I'm just saying there are 2 sides to every action.. Make sure you know about them all before acting because it will come back worse on you than it will him

[B]iya sophie hun,he sounds like a manipulitive bully i wouldnt put him on the birth cert,i also wont be putting fob on my LO birt certificate for similar reasons xx

My advice would be to let him know what date and time you are going to register the birth and then cut contact. Should he not turn up then you've done your part and can't be held accountable for his actions and you should formalise this by sending a recorded letter (keep a copy as I'm not sure how texts are percieved but he could claim he didn't receive it).

If he doesn't turn up you can't put his name on the birth certificate anyway so essentially he has forced your hand. If he turns up then I guess you have to accept that he wants to be a part of your sons life. It's a shame its turning out like this because it seems to have stemmed from him finding out the baby wasn't going to be named after him which seems like a pretty immature response from him. He sounds like an idiot with all these empty threats of solicitors this and solictors that. Chances are he's getting stupid information from his friends and doesn't even know a solicitor because he's clearly got his facts very wrong.

If he continues to threaten to take the baby off you then my advice would be to tell the police (again you need to protect yourself and get evidence if this should ever go to court) and when you are in labour inform the hospital as he shouldn't be allowed into the maternity/delivery ward without your consent.

I didn't get a sense that you would ever keep the identify of the father secret from your son and I understand you are scared witless (who wouldn't be) but if you follow the letter of the law and HE fails to keep his side of the agreement up then you are totally within your rights to keep access from him until he can show that he is going to be proper and mature father about this. He may even have to have supervised visits (I'm hoping he wouldn't even be given access because he sounds like a loon).

Think long and hard about excluding him from the birth certificate just because it could turn out worse in the long run if he finds out you did it deliberately and thats the last thing you want.

I really hope this has a happy outcome
x

I think maybe you should contact the Citizen's Advice Bureau and get them to put you in contact with a family law solictor that will give you advice for free.

With regards to Child Support it would be best to contact them to see what you could do in the circumstances.

http://www.csa.gov.uk

But if you don't put in on Birth Certificate, you could come to a private arrangement about him paying for his child and visiting anyway. If he starts to behave like a rational human being again then you could always have a Parental Responsibilty Order drawn up to give him the rights.

Not putting him on the Birth Certificate isn't about not letting your child know who their daddy is. It's about having sole responsibilty for your child.

If it was me in your shoes, when the time comes, if he is still being nasty and disrespectful towards you, I would leave him off the birth certificate. You can still tell Alfie who his father is. Just because it's not written on paper doesn't NOT make him the father. Also I would call him AFTER the birth, not when you go into labour. He could cause trouble at the hospital. What he doesn't know won't hurt him. What good would it do him sitting outside anyway? and it will put you on edge knowing he's out there.

I left my partner when I was 3 months pregnant as he was threatening, etc etc. Although he never hit me, there is no way he would've made a fit father and there was no way ON EARTH I would ever let him be alone with my baby. I called my baby the name that I had chosen for him when I registered his birth and I didn't put the dad's name on the certificate through personal choice.

10 years on I am now married to another (lovely) man, and to this day my son has never seen his real dad. He tried to gain access when my son was a baby, but as soon as money was brought up and how he was going to support his son, strangly I never heard from him or his solicitor again. My son has asked questions about him which I've answered, but he's never been bothered by not having a dad.

He does not call my husband dad, although he sees him as one. My DH would really like to adopt him as his son and DS would like this too, but we're still in the early stages of researching it. From what I have read, this would be more difficult if I had named the father on the birth certificate, so I am glad that I never did.

Also, you should be aware that not having him named on the birth certificate does not mean you can't claim maintenance from him through the CSA. I claimed against my ex as I thought he should contribute something, although he only gives me £5 per week, its hardly worth it, and to be honest I've only ever received one payment. But the point is it can be done. I've never had to show the birth certificate to anyone from the CSA.

At the end of the day honey, it's your baby and only you can decide what is best in the long run. It's a mothers intuition to want to protect her child. Only you can decide.

I just wanted to say a HUGE thank you for everyones advice. You have taken a massive weight of my shoulders!

Big hugs to you all!

I hope things work out soon!!