I am 34 weeks pregnant and have been looking forward to baby arriving and have had things planned in my head for a little while as to how I hope things will go after the birth once we are home and starting our new life.

However I have recently been to a couple of the antenatal classes with my OH and we have been so disheartened. We went tio the breast feedsing class only to be told that we should pratice feeding on demand and that to try and get a rountine of feeding at set times was unfair to the baby.

We then went to the labour and beyond class only to be told that we will have no life, I will be lucky if I manage to get dressed and showered most days and that I can kiss goodbye to making dinner and eating!

When I tried to ask advice about establishing a rountine and a sleep pattern etc I was looked at like some Nazi officer that was trying to regiment my baby and that I was being stupid to even dream of having any kind of rountine before the baby was 6 months. When I said that I was going back to work after 10 weeks I got gasps and looks of horror and that sort of smug look that said "you have no idea what your in for"

I don't have the choice of having months off work and my partner and I ave had to save up just to be able to afford for me to have 10 weeks off. I have to return to work full time as soon as I can. Im lucky that I have family to help care for the baby once I go back to work but I had hoped that baby would have a nice rountine by then just to make life more manageable. Am I living in cloud cookoo land?

I thought in todays day and age that it wasn't unreasonable for a woman to be able to have children and continue with some form of life. I didn't think that it meant I would have no time to dress myself or leave the house! I am not stupid enough to think that my life will be unchanged and this baby was very much wanted but I had hoped to be able to multi task and still enjoy some form of life!

The midwife and classes have really disheartened me and made me think that perhaps I won't be able to cope with a baby and work

Does anyone on hear have any positive stories of having a baby and still having a life? or it is all doom and gloom and I am going to be house bound in my PJ's for the next 5 years?

Sorry for the rant

Please don't be disheartened. With DD1 I must admit that BF was hard to begin with as she fed constantly! She was jaundiced and I was told to feed on demand. However- I set a routine early on and on no day did I stay in my PJ's! I was up and dressed first thing in the morning and fed DD every 3 hours in the beginning (after the first few weeks of feeding for an hour every 2 hours!). By 4 weeks we were happily settled into a routine and she slept from 9.30-5! I think I was blessed with a very good baby and we even managed to survive colic! I am a firm believer in routine and tbh I think I was like a mini Hitler! pmsl! I fully intend on setting a routine again with this baby howver I don't think I'll stress out as much as I did last time. Try to relax and enjoy your baby whilst you are off work. Hope this message makes sense as I'm typing it via my phone and I can't read it back lol :-) xxx

Well! i have to say might just be me thou! The feeding on demand is helpful (it was for me) BUT i still manage to get out my house most days for 9am if we going to nursery etc i have TWO boys one is 2 and second is 1! i have had a routine with them since first was 10 weeks! and TO this day im in that same routine! I think your classes have gave you the wrong idea of what having a baby is like and that is in no way your fault.
There is some days that me and the boys stay in our jammies all day but i dont have to! we can go out every day but some days its nice to sit in the house!
Trust me having a baby is the most amazing experience but trust me its not doom and gloom for 5 years lolxxxx

The only problem you will have when you go back to work after 10 weeks is that you will miss her/him soo much! But as you say you have no choice you need an income for your family. I worried about routines too but my natural instincts kind of kicked in and you just get on with it. Why don't you ask your family what their routines were they will probably make you feel alot better than those people making you feel your life is over once your baby arrives, what a load of crap! Newborn babies constantly sleep in between feeds so I don't see how they can tell you that you won't be able to shower or make dinner.

Don't let anyone dishearten you about going back to work, your just providing for your family. x

Thank you guys, Its so nice to hear of others mums who have managed to keep some sort of life after having their baby.

I am such an active person and love to be out and about. My OH and I have dogs and horses and I have been so looking forward to getting back out with them and walking the dogs and maybe riding the horse once I am well enough!

I had really wanted to set a rountine so that the baby was getting enough sleep as well as me and OH and so that we could get on our into the big wide world. The midwife was just so Anti Routine and didn't even want to give rough ideas and suggestions on when to feed, when they should sleep ect which when you are a first time mum is a mystery.

I understand that the first few weeks/month will be all over the place but I had hoped to have something established within 2 months. Countrymama - it is lovely to hear that your little one had such a good rountine so young. Here's hoping!

Just remember that this is YOUR baby and you will know what works best for you both. People like midwives etc can offer you advice but it's up to you how much of it you take on board. Don't ever let anyone make you feel that your doing the wrong thing. You will find your own routine. As for having no life after a baby the people who make you feel like that are wrong! Life just changes- for the better :-) xxx

I think maybe the 'staying in your pj's comment' may be a way of consoling people who are not outdoors people or very active maybe!!??!!

It sounds to me as you are much more up and out and i think your baby will love being taken outside for lots of walks and adventures with the dogs, xx

It isn't all doom and gloom!
I'm a mature student (in my thirties!!) and my hubby and I have saved and scrimped a lot just so that we can survive off one income for 4 years. When baby 1 came along, I couldn't sacrifice a year of studies to look after her, otherwise it would be another year down the line before I earnt money again. I went back to 'work' properly after 2 months and before then I was dipping in and out of classes and compulsary things I had to attend.

I managed to exclusivley BF for only 2 weeks, but managed to express and feed her for a month before introducing mixed feeding. Basically, when I was out, she was FF and when I was home and during nights she was BF. It worked well for us - and although I have a twinge of... well, not really guilt, as why should I feel guilty about eventually providing for my family (both in terms of breast milk and, ultimatley money one day) but more potential upset that I couldn't stay at home all day and do what I am designed to do. That doesn't really make sense, but I know what I mean.

With a lot of help from my mum (who travels up to London from the South coast each week to help look after LO on non-nursery days) (hubby works away from home - you have to do what you need to do to get money these days!) I manage to get myself up, showered, dressed, LO up dressed and us both fed before I hand her over to either nursery or my mum. In the evenings, I have been fortunate to gave a routine in place (not a regimented one, by any stretch of the imagination - it just seemed to fall into place) where LO is fed, bathed and in bed and asleep by 7 - in time for me to cook, eat and reset the house for the next day.

It's been hard work - but it is so worth it now in terms of me (and hubby - when he's here!) time.

I'm starting the whole process over again in 2 months time - and I wouldn't change a thing.

Best of luck - do what you need to do and whats best for your family.

When I was nannying and when I was training, it was always a case of helping parents to understand that they should take a little bit of what they believe in from each person that advises them/book they read during pregnancy. I'm not regimented in my approach and am personally looking forward to not having that level of expectation bestowed upon me, to not feel I have to be at the stables by 630am, to not feel I have to be dressed and have a full face on by X time.

Feeding on demand has its benefits and its place, but if it's not something you can see yourself being able to do then don't start doing it. I have paid for NCT classes and have found them invaluable so far. I have just had the 2 hour breastfeeding clinic where the virtues of demand feeding were explained. I like routine but I like my routine to have some degree of flexibility.

Having a baby does not mean you can no longer have a life, but you will be lucky to be able to live your life in quite the same way as you did before. Babies should fit around your routine to some degree, which is why rigid routines can be a little troublesome for people like yourself who don't wish their lives to change massively. I would wait until the baby arrives and see how things settle then - you are likely to find everything else becomes so much less important.

As for getting dressed and leaving the house - that just depends on your own motivations. However, for the first couple of weeks after the baby arrives, there can be no harm in having a rest.

I have to say that i DONT do demand feeding and never will!

The amount of kids that i have, i need some sort of routine.

When my last 2 were in special care, they do feeds where they give set amounts every few hours and then eventually go onto demand feeding. I told them under no circumstances where they to go onto demand as that isnt what i was going to do with them. They respected my decision as they were my babies.

If you want a routine, then you do it. And dont let anyone make you feel bad about it xx