Well I am not a routine person when it comes to babies, I dont think its possible to get a newborn into a routine because they just arent designed to be able to do it, partly because everything is new, partly because they need to feed on demand especially when breastfed to establish your milk supply, they also go through growth spurts where they naturally need to feed more and routines arent designed for the natural development of a baby. However that doesnt mean you have to give up on 'life' entirely. I BF on demand 24 hours a day but I still go out and see to my eight horses every day and I have done since he was six days old. I just go out in the morning directly after a feed, takes me an hour and a half if I dont ride two hours if I do, then I come home and feed him again when hes hungry. Similar in the evening. We still go out and do things, I still take the dogs for walks (shortish walks as its a bit on the cold side to drag baby out for hours) and I still have my horses but baby is not in a routine of feed times/nap times etc. So combining the two is perfectly possible.

I agree that every baby is individual and you might very well find that your baby easily slips into a routine without even much effort on your parts, something that suits what you're hoping for. Or perhaps you will have some adjusting to do if baby doesn't - there's really no way to predict that ahead of time, unfortunately, so it's best to have an open mind about it and trust your own instincts. You'll be able to ''know'' your baby quite well enough by 10 months and you'll know what baby's schedule and needs are, and by then, you'll like have had time to sort things out and be comfortable with what you're doing. So try not to worry on those things, and as someone said, babies generally sleep between feedings so somewhere in those sleeps you will be able to shower and dress, and you can take baby with you on walks and things, so it's not like life has to grind to a halt because of baby. It's all up to you and your energy levels and motivations then!

On the feeding on demand thing, it is my opinion that it's better to feed on demand, as I really don't agree with my hungry baby being made to wait until x time to eat. Their bodies are so little and stomachs empty so fast that I believe it's better for baby's growth and emotional security to have their needs met when they are asked for. Particularly when it comes to growth spurts and babies have no way of communicating they are in need of more food or more frequent feeding, and then still being made to wait til x time? Nah, not for me, but to each their own! There are lots of women who do it and it works out just fine and they don't feel their own babies suffer from it, so in the end, again, it's down to the individual baby I think and what suits the family. I don't think all babies fit the same mold so I am willing to see that in some cases the routine thing might be better for baby.

I fed on demand with my son and it really wasn't a problem for me. I still had time to shower and do things, and when I went places, baby came too, and when baby needed a feed, I'd stop what I was doing and feed him and then carry on. It just wasn't an issue for my lifestyle and didn't find the lack of set routine to put a damper on my life and ability to carry on more or less as normally (obviously things change with baby so it's never going to be just like it was before but that doesn't equate to being worse!)

Overall, my opinion and everyone else's opinion is just that - their personal opinion, and what works for one doesn't work for another. Midwives have a lot of knowledge and some wisdom at their disposal, but they don't have crystal balls and can't tell you what your life is going to be like after baby. What they have to say about that is just an opinion too.

So try not to stress it, and sorry to hear you had such a disheartening experience at those classes. What a bummer! The important thing to remember is that you will instinctively figure out what works for baby when baby comes. I know I did with my son and I had never been around babies before in my life at all, and I was unnerved like yourself about my ability to cope and be a mom. But it all sorts itself out in the end!

Its your baby, you do what you feel is right and best! Thats the best bit of advise i can give, and its not my advise its what i have been given by others, and thats to listen to what people have to say but make your own decisions for your own baby and what is best for you both !
My nanna said to me and my OH when i was first pregnant, no going out for you now then, no doing this or that etc. I said well yes i can always get a baby sitter (someone i know and trust) or a child minder!! And i got "oh no you wont, you cant go out when you have babies". I honestly just think its a very old fashioned opinion and i agree that in todays society woman can have babies a life and a career AND a routine! Its hard work but i am sure it must be do able!
My mum has said to me that life doesnt end just because you have children and it shouldnt you can still do the things you enjoy, you may just have less time that is all and tired etc. My mum was a single parent with not much money, and my nana and grandad used to help her out alot with me and my sister, but would make my mum feel bad if she mentioned going out as it isnt the done thing when you have children (in their day obviously). Eventually my mum met a new partner and had my brother and i remember once they were invited to a wedding but it was a no children allowed wedding, so my mum asked my nana if she could look after my brother for the day, and she got "you shouldnt be going to wedding without your son, me and your dad never did anything without you and your sister, and if we had been invited to a wedding but you wernt invited we would not have gone"! She also thinks that you cant have a life away from your child too and that they must go EVERYWHERE with you, other wise you dont do ANYTHING! Its silly and i am fed up of hearing it from her so i know its awful when people say "you will have no life" and "you wont be able to do this or that". Life does not end, and you can have the life you want, and i am sure it will be a much better one
I am 22 and dont plan on sitting around for the next few years and not having a life, it will just be much better come april
xx

I had Nathan sleeping through the night from 7 -8 weeks, and when it came to feeding I used to have to wake him for feeds. And I managed to get dress every day, (but then again I was 18 and lived at home with my parents and my mother would not hear of me sitting in my PJ's and having no make-up on.)

I'm hoping the routine will be similar this time.

so much for these classes supposed to be encouraging!!
yes you will still have a life!.. maybe you will not be able to do all the things that you do now, but your life will not end!
ps. i BF bailey, and she was sleeping right through within 2 weeks. That was her routine and she has been an 8pm - 8am sleeper ever since and shes nearly 2.

In the first few weeks whilst u are getting established then feed on demand is a good idea to get milk supply sorted. There is no need to stay in jamas all day thats rubbish.

I don't think your antenatal classes sound very productive tbh.

With all 3 of my kids I've gone back to work when they were 12 weeks old & will be doing the same again. Like u we have no choice in the matter.

I was lucky & all mine slept thru from about 8 weeks.

I used to get as much sorted the night before, got expressed milk out to defrost for DD to use next day, get bottle sterilised etc. I would get up about 6am make a drink have breakfast & get sandwiches out for work. I'd then get lo up for a feed (when tiny they used to have about an hour 30 mins each side) then lo to bed, get ready for work & out the door for 7.30
Would express at lunchtime for part of following days feed then feed lo when got home.

I've found that in the first few weeks you & u r lo will establish a routine together. Going back to work early is tough but sometimes needs must.

It's your baby tell them to get knotted!!!

Saw on the daily mail a headteacher getting a grilling because she went back to work after 7 hours.

Everyone has an opinion but it's what works for you and the baby that matters.

Hugs

What aload of crap!!
my mum went back to work when me and my brother were 12 weeks old! and you choose how too feed your baby it must work for some people or it wouldnt be around, i will definitley have a routine when it comes to sleep times my mum said with me and my brother at the same time every night it used too be bed bath bottle and that worked really well since we were newborn so what they have said is aload of rubbish imo
xxx

I really can't see having a feeding schdedule before 3 months at the absolute earliest- generally you will be just beginning to get your bearings at 6 weeks and can only have some hope of pulling yourself out of the newborn muddle by 3 months or so.

It's not healthy for newborns to be made to wait for food as they have tiny little bellies and need to eat when they're hungry. That said, there's nothing to say that activity-wise you can't bring baby along when you choose- babies are incredibly portable. Around 3 mos-ish you can look at encouraging a regular naptime / mealtimes (by OFFERING sleep / food at the desired times, not requiring it, and while hopefully maintaining some degree of flexibility). I actually find that when babies are little there is more ability to maintain your life as you knew it before (though I didn't go back to work that early for either of them) because you can just bring them along, feed them when they're hungry, change them when they have to be changed, and they sleep most of the time anyway either in your arms, a sling, or a carseat if you are out and about. You might find NOT having a routine to be MORE freeing in the beginning. Once they are older (typically around 6 mos) is a good time to bring out the schedule Nazi and at that point you can go from having baby along for the ride to a little more of "scheduling things around baby's schedule."

No one way works for everyone, you should never let people feel bad for bringing in income for your family, but I do think you may be in for a bit of a shock. Parenting's a big adventure, just look at it that way. I don't find my life to be exactly the same as before, I find it to be more fulfilling. And when at work (I have recently been laid off & about to go on mat leave again) I was MORE driven because of being a parent, not less.

Good luck

Oh hun, it really isn't as bad as they make it sound.

With my 1st I didn't really have any routine and I found everything really overwhelming, I didn't have to rush back to work so there was no importance in a routine and I was a lot more relaxd about not having one in my younger days lol.

With the 2nd, again I had decided to take 9 months off work so no rush there but I had my 1st to get to school on time and loads of other things that had to be done, I had also become someone who needed routine and an organised life so it was really important for me to get one in place for bubs asap. Don't get me wrong, until they are a good 6mths + they have their own agenda lol, I would get to a point where I felt like we had routine and bubs would do something different the next day, at first this was frustrating but I soon learnt to be more flexible in as much as - do x,y and z when bubs is asleep rather than do x,y,z at 10am when bubs has her sleep.
The main things I always stuck to regardless was bath time at 5pm every night without fail, start settling and into cot 6-7pm ( this didn't always work and many nights she would last 2 minutes in her cot, but we did it regardless of whether we got her out 2 mins later and within 8 weeks she was into this and sleeping through) I also made sure that every monring I would get in the shower, do my hair and makeup by 7.30am (had to because of LO's school which helped) - as a result I felt a lot better about myself. I used to take bubs into the bathroom with me and chat away to her while I was getting ready and she was always quite happy.

With my 3rd, I too have to go back to work within 3-4 months, I also have no choice so it's going to be even more important for us to have a routine and for me to be organised. I know and accept I am probably going to have to get up really early to get to work on time so some things I plan to do towards an organised life;
- Get everything organised the night before
- Get earlier nights sleep so I'm not constantly exhausted
- Cook for the week ahead on a saturday and then freeze

The weekends will then be our time and my routine won't be as firm but I'll still keep to the bath at 5pm and bed at 7pm.

I seem to have rambled now - hope this helps in some way. Yes, babies and children are hard work but you can make life a lot easier on yourself and truly, they are worth it in the end x