Hi i just want someone to talk to about all of this......and also others opinions of the situation i am in.
I have been with my BF for almost 4 years now and we have had custody of his 2 boys for 2 years they are now 4 and 8 years old. They still see their mum a couple of times a week but it is strained as she neglects them severely but they think the sun shines out of her backside.

ok so 2 years ago i moved from the mainland to this stupid little island where i have no family or friends,i gave up the job i loved and a social life to help him and provide some stability for the boys.

I am now the primary care giver, i found a job similar to the one i had on the mainland but i am the one who has to do school hours to fit around the kids!even though i am only step mum.I have to sort out all the school stuff/dates to remember etc.

So daily routine is get up, sort kids out, sort me out, get to school, rush to work....work(30 hours over 5 days a week)....rush back get kids from school, go home, get housework done/clothes ready for next day,sandwiches/lunchboxes for next day etc, BF gets home around 5 then goes off to do an hour and a half weight lifting/fitness training (5 days a week!!) while i get dinner ready so we dont all eat until he gets back at around 6.30pm then 4 year old bed at 7.30,8 yr old at 8.30.
After dinner BF will then either go on the computer or do extra sit-ups or pushups or play playstation. I get to sit down comfily at around 8pm once the little one is in bed,once my ankles are so swollen i cant take anymore.

I have asked him to cut down on his training and have blatantly told him i cannot cope with it all but he just says he is not cutting down his training and thats that,i get the feeling i just have to lump it,although he does say leave it all until he gets back and he will do it all........what??so we all eat at 8pm!! i like to get things done early so we can all relax.
Anyway thats just part of it.....it gets to the point i have to pick up after him as he doesnt even seen to know how to tidy up after himself or do the basics. like he will drip a t bag accross the floor to the bin and not even notice just after i have mopped the floor etc.
I have good standards in the home as far as being clean and hygiene go but not obsessive and im trying to teach the boys these too, like if they pee on the loo they wipe it up and they always wash their hands after toilet and before eating etc but its hard trying to instill this into them when its just me doing it,the boys are also very boisterous and i dont get any help in trying to calm them down.he play fights with them and makes it worse.

Im scared that when the baby comes this will get worse as i will be at home everyday so he will think it is "my duty" to do everything.i also worry that the baby will get hurt accidentally by the boys.

Dont get me wrong he is a nice bloke and i love him but he is just thoughtless and seems to think this is what i moved in with him for!!
As for trying to talk to him. I always try to make time with him each day to talk,spend time together but he always gets distracted by the tv so ill be talking and he wont have a clue what i have said. I have a moan at him for this but then he just accuses me of nagging etc.
IS IT ME?????
Also when it comes to buying stuff it is all down to me what to get or think about what we need/he has no interest. The other day in a shop just him and me i said to him to come and have a look at the baby clothes with me and he just walked off and said he was going to find some clothes for the boys instead. This baby only has a few things so far and even then they are only very basic so its not like im obsessed.

I have been thinking recently if it would be better on my own?
I also feel very sad that this is my first baby and it wont have a nursery,most things i have been trying to get cheap on ebay etc and also i wont get that first baby experience,like not having to get dressed in the morning if i dont want to and being able to relax a bit for myself as i know i will still be doing school runs and running about after these 3 as well as the baby.

Im really scared about the birth stuff and i read what people on here say about their partners being really supportive and stuff throughout their pregnancies and it makes me sad that mine isnt like that. Im also worrying that when in labour he will just be watching tv somewhere and not giving me the support i need.

What can i do? what would everyone else do?
Sorry if this is very personal,i have no one else local to talk to about this.

Oh you poor thing

From what I have read it does sound like he is being a selfish man and turning his head to this being your first baby which should be special. Tbh my OH wasn't that great I'd want to go spending he'd complain about money Although he did have a point I'd want a brew in the morning - I'd make him one. I struggled quite a bit actually just don't think he realised how much. Men!!

He will have to pull his finger out on things by the sounds of it for you to have some normality & baby time I certainly wouldn't leave it to the point you regret things & you didn't bond with baby from the beginning. This is all going to be new to you despite having been a Mum roll for his 2 boys.

I think to sum it up serious words are needed & after that to follow your heart

I think your doing way to much and its not fair.. He really needs to take more of an active role within the family.. I think you need to sit down with him and have a serious chat.. Especially as your pregnant and need to take it easy..

Jobs around the house should be shared out between you, and get the boys to help out too.. You can't be expected to just do anything, thats really unfair!!

Woa! I am totally shocked by your message but this is all too common. With men, actions speak louder than words. If I were you (I am not saying you should do this) I would pack my stuff and stay with my mum and leave a note saying something on the lines of being totally taken for granted etc. this is your first baby irrespective of his two, and by the way I think you are doing a fab job of looking after his two boys. His fitness regime is not a priority you and his children are. He needs to look at his priorities and work out which he values more. Does he want a ill pregnant exhausted resentful girlfriend? Or a happy, healthy and contented one?
Sometimes as corny as this may be a letter is the best bet. Just type it up on the computer and say what you have said on here. Men need things spelling out to them. If you say random things during the day it doesnt make a difference and also if it does turn into an argument you cant constructively say what you should.

Good Luck! You are not on your own! Congrats on your pregnancy as well!

LUCYXXX

Woah, I take my hat off to you! Thos boys are very lucky to have a step mom like you and he is a very lucky man to have a GF like you. I think you mayjust have to do something so he actually realises how lucky he is. You certainly deserve to be treated with more respect. Wishing you lots of luck.

See i have been thinking about packing my stuff up and just have a break for a few days with my mum on the mainland.
But i know if i do that he wouldnt appear to be bothered......i have threatened it before but his reaction was "you need to do whatever you need to do,i cant stop you" without even so much as blinking. I would also worry about the boys routine,my work and we have 2 pet rats.

He sounds like he is takign you for granted girl!! You must be exhausted doing all that. Men can be really inconsiderate at times, adn he sounds like one of the worst culprits. When he said he couldnt stop you from going, that sounds like male bravado to me- in my opinion, I am sure he thinks that you will never go anyway. I bet he would be really shocked if you did up and leave- have you thouhjt about the stress you will be under once the baby comes?? Mega stress just now too, which isnt good for you or the baby!! One question- WHY DOES HE HAVE TO TRAIN EVERY NIGHT?- Is he a professional bodybuilder whos income relies on his physique? No, no,no girl, you have been letting him away with murder. Only you in your heart can decide what to do, but you also have to think of your baby now. Sounds like he wants a maid rather than a serious relationship. Trust me, if you show him that you are serious, he will backtrack and promise you the earth, but dont just accept what he says, he has to prove himself that he will help you out. After all you have to ask yourself, what would he do if you werent there? Good luck hun, adn look after little peanut :hugs Candice

it sounds to me like he expects why to much out of you. a few days break with ur mum might be worth it especially for you and the LO. i do think he needs to support u a little now as ur going to have to start putting your feet up and take it easy. wishing loads of luck hun xx

Oh darling, I am so very sorry to hear that your OH is a total selfish pig. You are not the mother of those kiddies, he should be jacking in his training to look after them, not leaving it to you.

I can totally symphasise to a certain degree as my OH is 'lazy' around the house.

Like you, I have tried to talk to him but he just comes out with lame excuses like I dont need to clean the house, the house is clean enough. I dont need to cook, clean or iron for him anymore so therefore I dont have as much to do. What about me!

I think the advice about staying with your mum and letting her look after you for a bit is the way forward. It will give you both the opportunity to think about what is best for all and will make your OH realise how much you do for him and his children.

In a few months, you will have a little baby that will need you 100%.

The other 'baby' needs to grow up and get a reality check.

You look and sound like a lovely girl and you deserve a medal for what you have put up with.

Good luck xx

Maybe a few days away would make him realize how hard you work because he would have to do the stuff himself! I'm sorry he is taking all the hard work you do for granted