I am so bored of people telling me how i'm going to feel and what it's going to be like after i give birth.

I've had my sister tell me that i won't want skin to skin right away, because i have just given birth and all i will want is a bath and a drink of water and some alone time - i tried telling her that i want skin to skin right away and to dress her myself etc, but she insists i won't?

I've had my mother tell me i will want to spend at least 2 days in hospital, when i hate hospitals and have told her, as long as i feel comfortable and me and baby are ok, i will want to leave right away. She says, no, you won't.

I've had my friend tell me that the best position to give birth in is on my hands and knees with my bum up in the air, told her i won't be doing it like that as will have FOB in the room, and am very self concious about my body right now and don't want to be on my hands and knees in front of anyone! But she insists i won't care at the time and i will do it anyway - and trust me when i say i am very body concious and i'm quite sure of myself and my body and know what i will and won't do in front of people. But no, apprently everyone else knows me better than i do??

Has anyone else had people shoving their opinions down your throat? Insisting what it will be like for you, what you will do, how you will react? When everyone reacts differently and the experience is different for everyone, every time? Anyone got any more examples of what you're 'definitely going to be like' at some point during birth and after birth?

Uh huh.

But if I sit and list them I will have a very bad/moody day

I mostly had it over what baby will need and not about my own desires... but I am finding it difficult that everybody assumes I'll be in hospital and pumped full of drugs. I haven't even gotten into it with most people, some are gonna be upset when they find out, but tough.

Actually most of the time it's just been those loaded questions/comment from MIL.
"Will you be using dummies" (read: I want to crochet some dummy straps/clips)
"We didn't have X Y Z when we had..." (read: You're spoilt, I hate you? )
"There's nothing wrong with bottle feeding babies" (read: Hubby & SIL were and she wants to feed LO, doesn't care if BF might have benefits, it suggests she was imperfect, attack attack attack)

Yeah, maybe i shouldn't have listed them and put myself in a mood, lol. I think my sister tipped me over the edge last night as she came with me to do a tour of the hospital and she was telling me exactly how it was going to be and how i would feel and i disagreed with almost all of it, but the moment i tried to tell her my opinion she was like 'oh, you haven't given birth, you wouldn't know.'

I almost punched her in the face. Except i know she could take me in a fight. Lol.

Ditto! Especially if they ask where we are having the birth (at a birth centre) they look shocked and ask isn't that risky and you won't manage without eipdurals etc.
And about people telling me how tired I will be (forever) and I will find it hard to cope 'at my age' etc.

I tend to just smile and say 'we'll see' then change the subject - I don't mind people asking genuine questions about what I might do and how, I'll happily talk about things then, but if they are shoving opinions / psychic predictions at me I tend to ignore it! You don't have to explain yourself to anyone!

you could bounce her against the wall with your belly though
and you wouldn't know what it was like for her, granted, but she wouldn't know what it will be like for you either!!!!

If this is your first baby people are probably telling you this trying to help you in some weird way lol... some people do not think or understand. No one knows what they want until in the situation, and as you said... everyone is different. This is my third pregnancy and I still have people telling me how I am going to feel, what will happen etc... I mean I have asked some people what a scheduled c-section is like this time around because I have had one vaginal delivery (only gas) and an emergency c-section where I was asleep so I have no idea what the other is like... but I am also asking people, not having the come up and tell me how it IS going to be, because no one knows for sure.

Personal experience here... I was told with my first all these things from other people and it was nothing like what they said LOL... so I sure loved telling them my story and how wrong they were! hehe...

Hi

Just a note (not telling you what to do ), but experts currently say that "active labour" (i.e. walking around, squatting, all-fours, waving your bum in the air) is generally a much quicker and less likely to tear (worry for me!) than a "flat on your back"/"sitting up" birth. Worth thinking about... With active birth you are using gravity to help get your baby up: with traditional positions, the baby (literally) has an uphill struggle out of the birth canal.

I am very lucky that husband and I have been together for 16 years (married for 12) - there is nothing that I couldn't do infront of him (or should that be ).

I know what you mean - I have friends etc who tell me what to do, rather than make helpful suggestions. They REALLY mean well (I keep reminding myself! ), but they don't come across very well at all

From what I have heard, the important thing is not to get "hung up" on what you will and wont do: yes go in with a plan, but be prepared to go with the flow and do whatever you body feels it wants to do at the time... don't let your inhibitions (or concerns for FOB) get in the way of letting your body do what it needs.

Don't let whatever people say get to you: just concentrate on you and birthing your baby.

QT

Just the usual stuff really; 'you need to slep as much as possible now because you won't get any when baby arrives' - think someone on here commented about stockpiling sleep - always makes me giggle to think of it.

The main things I've had are pregnancy related, like people telling me pg is not an illness and I really SHOULD be able to keep my house spotless when home on sick leave from work with SPD at 36 weeks pg. My nan said yesterday that it's not good for baby to come home from a 'sterile' hospital to MY house. Sorry, what now??

Just smile and nod at them....in one ear out the other

It might turn out that they're right....but you will find out for yourself, as you said everyone is different and has different experiences.

One thing I thought though when I read your post.....are you sure about having FOB in the room for delivery? I know I couldn't have mine in there!! And if you aren't comfortable about him seeing you in certain positions then maybe he shouldn't be there....sorry it was just a thought, not trying to tell you what to do or how you'll think hehe!!

xxx

I used to get this all the time, does my head in!!!

Just because they have had a baby doesn't mean you will be the same...im also adiment i wont be staying in hospital for long too but i keep gettin 'take all te help that is offered to you..stay as long as you can, you will be knackered' its so annoying!

Just try and ignore it! xxx