TashaAndBump

Argh! (I should warn you that this is gonna be a long and very rant-y one) So, me and my husband have been technically homeless since my mother threw us out 3 months ago. Since then and up until now we've been in temporary B&B accommodation courtesy of the council.

Three days ago the council gave us the keys to a one bed bungalow nearby and told us that we had until today to move in... It was completely empty so we've spent the last few days cleaning the place (it used to belong to an old disabled man, and it seems he wasn't that able to look after himself or the place that well... the scum and ‘waste’ (to put it as nicely as possible) in the bathroom was disgusting and took a lot of scrubbing with bleach before I’d even consider using the place!) shopping, laying carpets, putting up curtains, and buying and assembling furniture.

Thing is, I’m helping as much as I can and I’m finding it really hard work. I get breathless and achy really quickly, I can’t bend too much to do things like plumb in washing machines or hold things in place while DH screws them in... I can’t reach up too much either - hanging the curtains nearly killed me! I’m soooo exhausted I don’t know if I can go on... my back is killing me and as well as aching everywhere and getting tired and breathless when I’m doing things I’m beginning to feel tired ALL THE TIME and I just want to go to bed and sleep all the time!! I’ve started getting bad, sharp, shooting pains right in my cervix, too and I’m worried that all this DIY could be hurting the baby somehow.... I’ve given up tonight, even though all our deliveries from Argos arrived today and there’s so much needs doing..... I feel so guilty, though! Poor hubby is down on the floor in the corner of the room trying to assemble our new desk, and I’m sat here on the sofa with my laptop letting him get on with it!

What makes it worse is that my husband has muscular dystrophy and I’m supposed to be his carer but it feels more like it’s the other way around sometimes these days! He cooked dinner as well today and I’m really worried that he’s overdoing it or that he’s gonna start to resent me or think that I’m lazy because I can’t help him out more... I’ve told him to leave it if he wants my help and we’ll do it all when I’m feeling better and more able to help – his retort to that was “you want to wait until after you’ve had the baby then, do you?” He says he wants to get it all done and finished tonight because there’s so much more that needs doing tomorrow and I can kind of understand that but I wish he’d just stop and wait a bit until I’m less tired so that I don’t feel so fricking useless!!

What’s worse is I’m so bloody knackered and my back hurts so much that I’m thinking of just going to bed now... but if I do that I’ll miss our snuggles and we won’t barely have had any interaction tonight as a couple other than from sitting at the table to eat dinner together

I feel so useless sitting here letting my disabled husband do all this work around me, but I’m so tired and I hurt so much that I know I can’t help him anymore.

I just want my baby now. I’ve had enough of pregnancy... I’m so unused to being unfit and not being able to do things for myself... I feel bad for moaning about that, too, because my husband faces it all the time and yesterday he asked me to get something up off the floor for the gazillienth time and stupid hormonal me just flipped and said “Do you know how hard it is for me to keep bending down and picking things up from the floor?!” and he responded “Yes, you’re almost on a level with me now.” I’m so STUPID and selfish!!!!!!!!! I’m beginning to hate what pregnancy is doing to me now.......

I’ve had enough. I want my body back and I want my baby.

Thanks for reading if you did.

Vickie

Sounds like both of you are under a lot of stress right now. You aren't being stupid or selfish. You are pregnant and tired and feeling guilty that your DH is having to do all this work (especially with his condition). Completely understandable. I hope things settle down soon for the two of you

TashaAndBump

Thank you for reading Vickie. I just really needed to get that all off my chest. I guess I can't help feeling the way I do, but I just wish I didn't. I feel so bad right now and I've never felt bad bad in my pregnancy yet so just being down at all is getting me down more I feel like such a failure

BurtonBaby

Aw that sounds really hard hun.

I'm sure your husband can understand the stress that your body is put under while your pregnant, especially because he has a disability himself. But you are still getting used to this, while he has probably been able to adjust to it over time. I would just try to talk to him and tell him you're sorry if you seem to complain, its just that you're not used to this, and you desperately want to help with everything, but you cant push your body too far. Also remind him that over doing it could possibly start pre-term labor. And right now, your the little baby's home, and have to keep him/her safe. When you guys are going to go to bed, you could offer him a massage since he is probably sore too, and it doesn't put much strain on your body. Last night I was feeling kinda bad that I haven't been doing as much as I used to, and that DH is making up for it, so I gave him a massage, then used stress relief cream on his temples and neck. It really helped him, and he was able to go to sleep shortly after. Sometimes little things can show him that you care. I hope you feel better, and that your DH is ok doing this work too. Do you guys maybe have anyone else who could help so its not just you two doing all the work? Hope things get done quickly and easily for you.

TashaAndBump

Thank you so much BurtonBaby for all your practical advice... I think I will try and stay awake until he comes to bed and give him that massage - I think he'll really appreciate it and I'll feel less useless

My family have done very little to help us since we moved in, which is frustrating as hell because DH only gave up everything he had in Kidderminster and moved down here because I insisted I wouldn't be able to do this without the support of my family... and now that support is nowhere to be seen!!

My sister is moving at the same time and she seems to be getting all the support.... even though her partner isn't disabled and she isn't pregnant!! My mum and her partner, and my sister's partner are round my sister's new house every day doing decorating and cleaning and etc, my nan bleached down her bathroom because it was grimy apparently but I had a whole wetroom and shower seat that were covered in pee and poo to clean down and no-one offered to help - even though I'm sure that handling bleach like that probably isn't good for pregnancy, and my neighbour who had a load of stuff kept aside that she had said we could have when we moved (pots and pans and stuff) has apparently just forgotten she promised that to us and has given it to my sister instead! I feel quite abandoned by my family at the moment and while my sister is living with my mum until her house is ready (dispite having a perfectly wonderful bungalow with her partner already!) I'm lucky if I can even get a phone call just to talk to my mum about things these days

We'll get there... it's incredibly frustrating that it's such hard work on both of us and no one seems to care who should!!

Thanks again for your support. I'm feeling a bit better now

leeanne

Aww, I am so sorry that you are going through this. I hope that everything improves soon!

bexy_22

your obviously both under a lot of stress with your husband having muscular dystrophy and you being heavily pregnant and so moving into a place that needs a lot doing to it is just adding to that stress which is bound to cause tension. you aren't being selfish and i bet your oh knows that. i hope everything works out for you both =]

cparks1

Aww sweetie, it sounds like you and your DH have a lot going on. You shouldn't feel selfish or anything of the sort. That massage that was mentioned on another post sounds like a great idea. It will let him know that you do care and I'm sure he would appreciate it. I'm sorry that you are not getting the support you need from your family, that makes it really hard on the both of you. I hope that situation gets better and when the baby gets here maybe they will come around (on good terms of course). I hope things get better for you and your DH. In the mean time, do either of you have any close friends that you can depend on? Get your rest because you will need it. It just sounds like DH is concerned with getting things done before the baby arrives even though he may seem stressed out. More hugs your way.

Newt

please don't be so hard on yourself
You are doing brilliantly, even if you don't believe it...

Angel

Take things easy, when I was pregnant I would do something then sit down for 20mins, I found that,that really helped.I hope everything settles down soon.