Partner not present at birth.

Noodle · Oct 13th, 2009, 09:26 AM

My boyfriend does not want to be present during the birth of our son. This makes me really sad. I cried and cried. He says it's because he hates being in hospitals. I hate being in hospitals too. I don't understand why he doesn't want to be there for me. It makes me feel very alone.

BumpyButtons · Oct 13th, 2009, 09:29 AM

I had this when i had my 1st. My ex said the same thing. he hated hospitals. so in the end i had my mum and sister in law in with me. Try to change his mind and make him see that it took you both to make this baby and it should take you both to see baby into the world. explain you dont like hospitals either but you havent got a choice in the matter and would really like it if he was there to support you. good luck hun

3boys · Oct 13th, 2009, 09:30 AM

oh hun, is there any chance that he might change his mind. Its not like you are in hospital because you are sick. Its a magical experience. Try talking to him and telling him how you feel. My husband was worried about what labour was going to be like on our first but it was nothing like he expected and he loved the ecperience of seeing his son being born

jen1604 · Oct 13th, 2009, 09:39 AM

Sorry to hear that honey.
I pretty much think he should be there with you if you want him to be.I mean,you could hate hospitals too,but you still have to go.
Is there anyone that he would listen to that could try and talk him round and tell him what he would be missing out on?Like his dad,or his brother (if he has one)?xxxxx

redpoppy · Oct 13th, 2009, 09:52 AM

Find out a bit more hun! I went on this hypnobirthing course thing last weekend and the partner of a girl who was there said he was really anxious as he was VERY squeamish! He thought he might pass out or throw up and be incapable of looking after his OH.

If its just a "dislike" then you really need to talk to him and about his role in the relationship. Whilst you're pregnant your partner really needs to realise that you are not at our full strength or potential and he should look after you.

Talk to him and try not to get too emotional! I know it sounds horrible but maybe you can talk things out?

ninab · Oct 13th, 2009, 09:54 AM

That's awful hon, he should be there for you..... I don't have any words of wisom, i just wanted to send you

I hope you talk hium round x

redpoppy · Oct 13th, 2009, 09:59 AM

And I know this probably isn't what you want to hear, but some men are utterly useless in the labour room. Like if my OH didn't want to be there, although I'd be quite gutted (especially now!!!!

) I would just replace him with someone who was willing and hence would be more useful, like my mum or a close friend/cousin/sister etc.

Maybebaby80 · Oct 13th, 2009, 10:13 AM

That is horrible, I hope you can convince him otherwise.

Have you considered the possibility of a home birth or is there a midwife led unit in your area? Also, you could speak to the mw and ask if there is a poss. of a look round the hospital.

shaunanicole · Oct 13th, 2009, 10:17 AM

That's awful hunny. I really hope you can convince him otherwise or he'd be missing out on one of the most precious points of his child's life.

lilyd · Oct 13th, 2009, 10:26 AM

I think it is his job to be there if you want him to be - if you don't get the option then why should he?!

Personally, I wouldn't mind if my OH didn't want to be there, but you obviously feel very strongly about it and considering he's 50% responsible then I think he should put his feelings to one side and consider yours.

Oct 13th, 2009, 09:26 AM	#1
Noodle Mum (Mom) Inactive Join Date: Mar 2009 Location: Minneapolis, MN Posts: 117	Partner not present at birth. My boyfriend does not want to be present during the birth of our son. This makes me really sad. I cried and cried. He says it's because he hates being in hospitals. I hate being in hospitals too. I don't understand why he doesn't want to be there for me. It makes me feel very alone.

Status: Offline

Oct 13th, 2009, 09:29 AM	#2
BumpyButtons Mum (Mom) Chat Happy BnB Member Join Date: Jun 2009 Location: uk Posts: 1,006	I had this when i had my 1st. My ex said the same thing. he hated hospitals. so in the end i had my mum and sister in law in with me. Try to change his mind and make him see that it took you both to make this baby and it should take you both to see baby into the world. explain you dont like hospitals either but you havent got a choice in the matter and would really like it if he was there to support you. good luck hun

Status: Offline

Oct 13th, 2009, 09:30 AM	#3
3boys Pregnant (Expecting) BnB Addict Join Date: Sep 2009 Location: Ireland Posts: 6,572	oh hun, is there any chance that he might change his mind. Its not like you are in hospital because you are sick. Its a magical experience. Try talking to him and telling him how you feel. My husband was worried about what labour was going to be like on our first but it was nothing like he expected and he loved the ecperience of seeing his son being born

Status: Offline

Oct 13th, 2009, 09:39 AM	#4
jen1604 Mum (Mom) BnB Addict Join Date: Apr 2008 Location: Devon Posts: 7,503	Sorry to hear that honey. I pretty much think he should be there with you if you want him to be.I mean,you could hate hospitals too,but you still have to go. Is there anyone that he would listen to that could try and talk him round and tell him what he would be missing out on?Like his dad,or his brother (if he has one)?xxxxx

Status: Offline

Oct 13th, 2009, 09:52 AM	#5
redpoppy Mum (Mom) BnB Addict Join Date: May 2009 Posts: 3,575	Find out a bit more hun! I went on this hypnobirthing course thing last weekend and the partner of a girl who was there said he was really anxious as he was VERY squeamish! He thought he might pass out or throw up and be incapable of looking after his OH. If its just a "dislike" then you really need to talk to him and about his role in the relationship. Whilst you're pregnant your partner really needs to realise that you are not at our full strength or potential and he should look after you. Talk to him and try not to get too emotional! I know it sounds horrible but maybe you can talk things out?

Status: Offline

Oct 13th, 2009, 09:54 AM	#6
ninab Mum (Mom) Active BnB Member Join Date: Aug 2008 Location: Nottingham Posts: 356	That's awful hon, he should be there for you..... I don't have any words of wisom, i just wanted to send you I hope you talk hium round x

Status: Offline

Oct 13th, 2009, 09:59 AM	#7
redpoppy Mum (Mom) BnB Addict Join Date: May 2009 Posts: 3,575	And I know this probably isn't what you want to hear, but some men are utterly useless in the labour room. Like if my OH didn't want to be there, although I'd be quite gutted (especially now!!!! ) I would just replace him with someone who was willing and hence would be more useful, like my mum or a close friend/cousin/sister etc.

Status: Offline

Oct 13th, 2009, 10:13 AM	#8
Maybebaby80 Other Active BnB Member Join Date: Apr 2009 Location: Scotland Posts: 514	That is horrible, I hope you can convince him otherwise. Have you considered the possibility of a home birth or is there a midwife led unit in your area? Also, you could speak to the mw and ask if there is a poss. of a look round the hospital.

Status: Offline

Oct 13th, 2009, 10:17 AM	#9
shaunanicole Mum (Mom) BnB Addict Join Date: Apr 2009 Location: Deltona, Florida Posts: 3,152	That's awful hunny. I really hope you can convince him otherwise or he'd be missing out on one of the most precious points of his child's life.

Status: Offline

Oct 13th, 2009, 10:26 AM	#10
lilyd Mum (Mom) Active BnB Member Join Date: May 2009 Posts: 948	I think it is his job to be there if you want him to be - if you don't get the option then why should he?! Personally, I wouldn't mind if my OH didn't want to be there, but you obviously feel very strongly about it and considering he's 50% responsible then I think he should put his feelings to one side and consider yours.

Status: Offline

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