Urgh, third post from me today but I'm feeling REALLY hurt and upset right now

Yet ANOTHER one of my so called "best friends" who would do "anything for me" has let me and Aiden down

He was supposed to be one of Aiden's godparents. Anyway I was talking to his brother on facebook chat the other day and I mentioned him being a godfather and he said "oh he's definitely going through with it then?"....which made me think...has he been having DOUBTS? Who has doubts about these things?

Anyway this was the conversation today.

(17:21) Kate: yeah so are you SURE as SURE CAN BE that you wanna be one of Aiden's godparents? 100% definitely??
(17:21) Terry Bloke: oh shit sorry you did ask me in a text the other night, sorry, i am so lame
(17:21) Kate: don't be silly
(17:22) Terry Bloke: well i have been thinking about this, and honestly i am so chuffed you asked me, but at the same time it's something that i'd like to take seriously but i haven't seen you in ages and if i end up moving to london then i probably would've met aiden all of once and i would feel really bad
(17:23) Kate: oh ok then nevermind
(17:23) Kate: only reason I asked was cos I was talking to your bro the other day and I mentioned it and he said "oh is he definitely doing it then?" so I thought you weren't sure or something
(17:23) Terry Bloke: no don't be like that, i said i would like to, but i would be a really lame godfather cos i probably won't get to see him very often and i;d feel awful
(17:24) Kate: but serioulsy it's fine!
(17:24) Kate: well Matt his other godfather lives in Sheffield and that's miles away and i woulnd't expect people to see him all the time, even like once a year would be enough but seriously it's all good
(17:25) Terry Bloke: As long as you're sure. It's just something that I'd personally want to take very seriously, and I don't feel like I'd be able to do that
(17:25) Kate: fair play

He's supposed to be one of my best friends in the world. So was Alex (she was my best female friend and we stopped talking and now she's not going to be a godparent either). That's 2 of the few people in my life I thought would never hurt me or let me down and at one of the most important times of my life, they do. Poor Aiden I'm really upset now First his dad and now this. ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

Sorry but I don't think him moving 40 miles away from me is a good excuse, I wasn't expecting frequent visits at all, I expected like once a year at LEAST! I don't get it

Sorry for the whinge, I know there are worse things going on in the world.

Let it out, girl! That's what we're here for. It sucks that he's letting you down like that but at least he's honest. Most can't say that. I think it would be worse for him to agree to do it and then when the responsibility actually arose, he backed out. It's good that he understands the seriousness of the role of a godparent and can openly say he isn't prepared for that.

*hugs*

Hopefully you can find someone that's more suitable and willing to be there for you.

I've taken it REALLY personally though Like that's his way of saying "yeah I really don't care about you or Aiden so you need to stop thinking I do".

I think I've been a bit naive because I wasn't aware there was a lot of responsibility with being a godparent. I just thought it was a nice way of letting someone know how important they are and how you want them to be seen as a long term part of your child's life....as I say I wasn't expecting him to see Aiden very much but I speak to him EVERY day of the week and he plays one of the biggest parts in my life, and therefore Aiden's. I just feel so let down.

Now he's acting like a tosser. We were playing poker on msn, and after the game finished I closed it cos I'd had enough. So then he said "what game now?" and I said "not a clue" and he went "righto" and then went offline. How is this my fault? He's punishing me like I've done something when I haven't even told him how hurt I am, I'm just acting like nothing's been said!

I totally respect your feelings and understand that you are very upset about this, but from what you posted it sounds like the 2 of you have different ideas of what a godparent should be. He seems to think it takes a lot of involvement in the child's life and is afraid to disappoint you if he is not able to do that.

Even if he is of another understanding than you, I respect him for admitting that he might not do the best job at it. Just from the bit of conversation that you posted, this person sounded genuine that he would love to do it, but is scared to disappoint you.

I know that this won't make you any less upset, you have a right to feel the way you do, but that's just what I see from your conversation with him.

Honestly alot of people change when you have a baby my gf my hair dresser and my mom all tell me the same thing. People that were once your close friends arent around like they used to be so prepare yourself people get weird when babys come. My bestfriend has been so since we were 5 so 23 years in January.She is going to be in the room when i deliver hopefully this weekend. She has a 2 yo who i adore but its like shes more excited about her moving and things in her life than even being a part of my pregnancy. In the begining she was super excited always calling me and now its like we dont talk for weeks. I hope he comes around for you as a friend at least but i would double think the god parent thing for sure. xoxo

i actually think hes being quite sweet about it. At least he hasnt said yes just cos its easier or doesnt take it seriously.
It sounds like he would like to be a godparent but doesnt feel he should.

i know it prob seems like hes let you et but at least he hasnt been made a godparent and then buggered off never to be seen again.

try not to get down about it too much hun x
xxxxxx

You're right, I just can't help but feel like yet another person has turned their back on me and Aiden Thankyou for making me sit up and realise that he's most likely not trying to hurt me and he's being honest. Even if he wasn't planning on telling me himself, I had to ASK him to ge it out of him! ....ok now I'm just setting myself off again....GRRRR

My best friend has been so since I was 5 to 23 years in April and she's going to be in the delivery room as well! How strange is that. God I hope she doesn't let me down or I don't know what I'll do! I hope your friend bucks her ideas up xxxx

If I were in your place, I would try to not think of it as him turning his back on me, I would try to (for my own sanity) make myself think that it is his way of wanting what is best for me and my baby. If he is able to realize that he is not what is best then he feels he should not take on such a big responsibility, then that is commendable of him.

I sometimes tend to read too much into things (ie OH says something that I take the wrong way and I blow up) only to find that by talking to the person that they meant that comment in a totally different way. So, Im trying to be better about calmly talking to the person to try to get there side of it and usually tend to make myself feel better in the process.

OH had a good insight (I was just talking to him and getting his opinion about the situation). He said that to some people being a godparent means that they have the responsibility of taking care of the child/children if something were to happen to the parent. And that this friend may feel that he is not able to (financially, emotionally...) take care of a child. Maybe something you could ask. ???

I know it sounds gutting but traditionally being a Godparent (and even in most people's eyes to this day) is a HUGE responsibility. Kind of on par with having kids of your own. Not only with the idea that you are there for them for guidance and other emotional and practical needs but also, God forbid, anything should happen to you, then THEY are responsible for your child.

I realise you may not see it like that but I would doubt I could EVER take on the responsibility of being someone's Godparent. Like not even my bestest everest friends. I'd be so touched and moved that they had asked me but I just know I couldn't take that responsibility. Please reconsider your view of your best friends as it is a lot to ask, especially with the title of "Godparent". I had actually thought I would like to write letters to a few of my close friends and family telling them I would like them very much to pay a big part in my child's life but then I was thinking, even that seems like a big commitment! But maybe that's a nicer way of asking what yoru view of a God parent is instead of actual Godparent as that has a very heavy weight to it.

Also, you're quite young and many people your age will not be thinking of having any of those types of responsibilities for quite along time yet! Some may be thinking I never want kids and then to have a friend ask you to be a Godparent with all the responsibility that entails can be intimidating!!!! I'm sure your friends will be there for you but being there for an adult friend and being their for a baby are two very different things. Being there for a child carries far more responsibility with it in my opinion.

I realise why you're angry but I just think it's a very heavy burden to bear for many people and in a way, your friend saying no, means that he's actually thought about how much responsibility it involves and thought about it deeply instead of just saying yes when he doesn't mean it.

Maybe talk to him and find out more about his view?