I'd find it hard to be warm towards your friend, after ignoring you so long, and I'd also be inclined to not let her come straight around when SHE wants to see the baby. Some people are selfish, I know it, they want it all on their own terms and there's really no need to let them always have their own way.
Have to admit, I feel the same about my so-called friend. When I told her I was pregnant she was quite cold, asked if he was planned (which I took as a damned cheek, she has known - or she should because I said it often enough - how much I always wanted a family of my own) and then basically told me she wouldn't have much interest in my child, that she'd be interested in me first, my cat second, my OH third and finally my baby. I was appalled when she actually came out and said that. She continued with a story about a friend of hers who had a child and then never was the same again, ie, she didn't want to go to gigs and talk about music all the time. I wouldn't care, but we haven't the sort of friendship where we talk about music and gigs anyway, we just go for coffee and shop together, talk about all sorts of stuff (or we did, and actually, it was mostly HER and HER dramas, if I think about it). And it's not like we're young kids, we've been friends since we were 14 but we're now both 35 - and she's been a great support to me over the last 6 years or so, till I got pregnant.
Since I told her we have seen each other TWICE, both times arranged by me after I contacted her. Now I am not going to bother. I haven't seen or spoken to her, apart from ONE text message, which I sent and she replied to but that was that, since I was 22 weeks, so 12 weeks ago.
Now I feel pretty cold towards her and not at all inclined to contact her. My OH is angry that she's never called to see how I am, nothing. I don't know what I'd say if I did see her, which I am assuming now will be after my son is here. Once I thought I'd ask her to be my child's godmother, now there is no way and if she is angry about that then tough luck. It's so sad to me that such a long standing friendship is hanging by a thread just because I am having a baby and she thinks it'll push us apart and I'll have no time for her (I know she had this self-centred reaction) but the thing is by failing to show any interest or care for me, never contacting me, it's turned into a self-fulfilling prophesy. There was no need for it to go this way and she is the one who's caused it.
So, yes, I understand where you're coming from. I guess I will tell her when he is here, but I wonder if we can ever be close like we were because she has distanced herself from me at a time when I am going through the biggest thing that ha ever happened to me in my whole life and she just isn't interested. I'm hurt enough to end the friendship right now, but I don't want a confrontation.
My OH thinks I should move on - but it's hard after a 21 year friendship and a lot of history, even if our lives have diverged somewhat.
Sorry, that's not a help to you, but I have had this on my mind a lot lately.
