I know what one is but Im confused as to the ettiquette around it.

Am I supposed to hope someone arranges one for me or do I make the plans.

I didn't have one with my first child but I think that it would be a nice thing for my son if he can really be involved. Starting to get him ready. He is only two so doesn't quite understand whats going on.

So I'm thinking a sort of baby shower/big brother party.

Xx

My two best friends are organising mine for when I am 34 weeks and they are very excited about doing it. I don't think there is any ettiquette, some are all girls where others I have heard about have peoples OH there too. I think getting your son involved is a great idea.

Usually someone else plans it for you (or decides to foot the bill then makes you plan, as in my case. lol)

Old etiquette states that a very close family member shouldn't throw the shower but thats been going to the wayside lately (in the past 10 years or so).

Old etiquette also states that a full formal shower (with gifts and more than a few guests) should only be thrown for a first child. I'm torn on this. I think if the person is having a child of another gender or there is more than a 5 year gap between children- another full-sized shower would make sense (needing new/different items again). But several people still raise their eyebrows at this- at least where I live. That being said, I just got a shower invite for a woman's 4th baby (thrown by her mother) and her youngest is 2. Needless to say its gotten the hens in my social circle clucking.

Edit:

Also there are other guidelines that some may expect people to follow but again, nowadays people do what they want.

Most of the time the shower is held within 10 weeks of EDD. Invitations (if printed and mailed) should be mailed out at least 4 weeks in advance of shower date. Its completely acceptable to include the names of the places you're registered as a shower is obviously for gifts. It is NOT acceptable to ask for cash (you can put gift cards on your registry or just not list anything at all- this will sometimes result in cash)

I planned my own for DS and my mom helped me pay for it. Only about 10 people came, but it was worth it.

I then planned one for DD1, but DH was coming home from the military and then she was in the NICU so it didnt happen.

I then tried to plan another for DD2, but at the time everyones lives were in a uproar and it was cancelled.

Next time ill let someone else do it if they want.

BABY SHOWER ETIQUETTE

http://www.babyshower101.com/baby_shower_etiquette.html

i LOVE that website above. it has LISTS and LISTS of baby shower games and such, it's a great site

I haven't had anyone offer to plan a baby shower for me, so I will throw my own 'welcome baby party' once the LO is a few weeks old! I think the etiquette is that someone needs to host a baby shower and organise it for you as a surprise! I am the first of my friends to have a baby, so no one is on the ball for planning baby showers! lol!

I am making a point of seeing all my friends before I am 32 weeks, and then inviting them all over at once to meet the baby and have tea and buns! It'll be a lot more informal than a baby shower - more like an open house! I'd rather show off my baby than show off my bump and it saves people coming up twice! hehe!

I have my SIL, MIL, mom and other SIL planning one of my baby showers. I have a fairly large family (including extended family, cousins, aunts etc) so I wanted to keep my "family shower" separate from a "Friends shower", which will be about 15-20 girls.

My friend/cousin-in-law is planning my friends shower (and is also involved in my family shower planning).

I didn't really expect all my friends to jump at planning a baby shower for me but there was one in particular I was hoping would at least inquire with my husband about it. She was the FIRST person I shared my news with, so I felt that she was my closest friend. I had also hosted her baby shower at my place, co-planned with her sister and another friend, nearly 2 years ago. At the time, I never had any thoughts about "I hope she does this for me when it's my turn"...now that my turn has come around, she has been much LESS of a friend overall, let alone someone that would happily volunteer and take the initiative to plan or host a baby shower for me. pretty sad.

Anyway, I've learned very quickly who my friends truly are. My cousin-in-law is the MOST excited person about this baby outside of our immediate family. When she found out I was preg, the very first thing she said (after congrats!) was that she wanted to be totally involved in every aspect and wanted to throw my shower. Since I wanted two, she got choose to take reigns of one and assist in the other...tbh sometimes I think she's more excited than some immediate family members. But I won't judge those family members as everyone has their own way of showing excitement.


To the OP: I say, if you want to throw your own shower, mention it to a friend or close relative...maybe they just have been busy with other things to not realize what the norm is. Then they'll likely say they'll take care of it themselves or they'll want to help you with it. Etiquette-shmettiquette. Do what feels right for you and what's going to make you happy.

One other person posted about other showers for successive children...I have to say, I never thought about it that way and totally agree that it makes sense. If the child is of a different sex than the previously born or there's been a significant time-lapse, another shower can do no harm! If not a baby shower before the LO is born, at least a welcome shower!

There's etiquette, sure but why bother following it? Nothing goes by etiquette anymore and you shouldn't feel guilty if you shake things up a bit.

This is my second child and I'm having a full-blown regular shower (again.) My first was born in 2005 so we no longer have ANYTHING from when she was a baby and I'd want to update things like my car seat and playpen/pack n play anyway even if we did still have them. And to be honest, everyone I work with expected me to have a shower and asked about it from the get-go. One co-worker said she thought you weren't allowed to have a second but I told her why I was and why I don't care and she's cool with it. Just mildly curious about it I suppose.

My sister is paying for most of it but I've been involved in all the planning. I contacted the location we're having it at (after my Mom made initial arrangements.) I purchased and sent out all the invites and contacted everyone who didn't RSVP in time. I went with my sister to help decide on decorations and things like that and then today I'm doing up the favors for everyone.

I like being involved in the planning because I like knowing what's going on and hate surprises. Most everyone in my friends/family know how involved I've been and nobody's raised an eyebrow or thought twice about coming. Most just want to celebrate with me and gift things for the baby.

That should be all the matters or not. NOT if you had a hand in planning it or anything like that

In my area, it's poor ettiquette to plan your own baby shower because it's like outright asking for gifts. Someone else plans it for you, or you don't have one at all here.
Also, here it's even worse ettiquette to have one if it's not your first child. My aunt decided to throw one for my cousin (who was expecting her THIRD son, all about 2 years apart...). Practically no one went because we were all offended at the concept.

Different areas have different expectations though, so ask some friends what their opinion is.

I think the idea of a "big brother" party is a great one, and will help you to skirt the whole etiquette thing. Also, if no one has offered to throw you a shower, you can just do what I did and ask around to see if anyone is interested in helping put one together. I brought it up in casual conversation and ended up with an entire team of ladies who pounced on the idea. LOL