Worried about surnames

pinkribbon · Mar 19th, 2010, 08:32 AM

I'm in a bit of a rut on who's surname to choose for baby. Mine or FOBs. We're not married, and because the majority of our money will be spent on looking after baby, we'll be waiting a few years if we decide to marry.

I actually prefer FOB's surname to mine... but on the other hand I'm worried we won't get married, or something will go wrong, and baby will have a different name from me. I know it's not that big of a deal and he/she will be my child no matter whos name they take... but I just think it'll be a bit wierd if baby doesn't have the same name as me.

There's also FOB's feeling to consider, he definately wants baby to take his name which is understandable. Also his family's feelings and my family's feelings.

Complicated? I think so.
Has anyone else been in this situation, and if so, what decision did you make?

wiganlass · Mar 19th, 2010, 08:39 AM

go with which ever you feel more comfy with,are baby will have my oh's surname as its normally traditional to have there farthers surname unless your not together and you dont speak xxx

RHR · Mar 19th, 2010, 08:56 AM

Me and my partner aren't married but we are engaged and living together. Once our LO arrives he/she will have my partner's surname. As we want to get married in the future it will also be one less hassle of trying to get bump's surname legally changed.

It's tough luck on what my family think as in the end it's our decision and not theirs.

wannabubba#4 · Mar 19th, 2010, 08:57 AM

I agree with wiganlass - you have to go with your feelings on this. But it is much easier to change the surname to his at a later date -say when you get married etc; than it is to change it back to your name.

My first two kids were to my first husband and automatically took his name , we later divorced and I went back to my maiden name.
With my third baby, I wasn't married but chose to give my son his dads name and as he treats the other two as his also and they both already called him dad, we decided (with their agreement and their biological fathers too -and expense of legalities of that) that we'd change their surnames too. We married last year so this baby will have dads surname too.

My ex-hubby and his family are well known to the police and just the mention of our old surname brought questions about who we are related to etc, so tbh I was glad to get shot of it. They didn't need to grow up with that stigma around them.

xx

tashalina · Mar 19th, 2010, 09:05 AM

We got engaged when I was pregnant with my son, he took OH name and then I joined them when we got married. I know you say marriage will be a few years off, are you engaged coz if so I think OH might be a bit upset if you said you were unsure on what name in case u dont get married lol...its down to u though, have a chat with your OH and decide together xx

GossipGirl · Mar 19th, 2010, 09:09 AM

I'm not married to my OH but we're living together and I had no decision in that I'm going to give the baby his surname. We'll probably get married sometime in the future and I would just prefer the baby having his name. My parents suggested a double barrelled surname but I can't stand them (sorry anyone here who has one!) but I really don't like them so that won't be happening.

Do what feels best for you and what you feel happiest with.

shortie1990 · Mar 19th, 2010, 09:20 AM

We're not married either, but automaticaly we started calling it baby Taylor (OH's surname)

No matter what happens between me and OH, we chose to have a baby as it was what we both wanted, and its more of a commitment than marrage IMO, so no matter what he's still going to be the father, and he will be a cracking one at that, even if his feelings for me do change in the future. His father is his father at the end of the day.

Teeny Weeny · Mar 19th, 2010, 09:20 AM

My first son has his dads surname as we were engaged at the time. Unfortunately we broke up and so we have different names...but I don't really mind too much.

This time I am unsure of what surname to have...I might give him mine an then if me and OH get married change it then. I just don't want two children with different names to me. But it is individual choice. xx

Odd Socks · Mar 19th, 2010, 09:21 AM

our baby will have oh's surname, because i've heard it'll make things easier down the line. we're not married, & like you, won't be for a good while yet, even though we've been together almost 7 years. we just never got round to getting engaged or married, but have lived together almost 6 years, & decided that starting a family was more important to us than getting married at the point we're at in our lives.

xx

clarebo9 · Mar 19th, 2010, 10:16 AM

I have been with my hubby for 16 yrs and we arent married, we have 3 children already who are 11 and twins that are 10, I always wanted them to have their dads name, as we are not planning on getting married. Also gives the children that speacial connection to their dad. I overheard my OH explaining this to his mate the other day and although we are steady together, he said a child will only ever have 1 mum, but on occasion they end up with 2 dads if a relationship breaks down, I was really quite in awe about how he said it, was nice to hear what he thought too.
Good luck in your choice tho x

Mar 19th, 2010, 08:32 AM	#1
pinkribbon Mum (Mom) Chat Happy BnB Member Join Date: Oct 2009 Location: UK. Posts: 1,320	Worried about surnames I'm in a bit of a rut on who's surname to choose for baby. Mine or FOBs. We're not married, and because the majority of our money will be spent on looking after baby, we'll be waiting a few years if we decide to marry. I actually prefer FOB's surname to mine... but on the other hand I'm worried we won't get married, or something will go wrong, and baby will have a different name from me. I know it's not that big of a deal and he/she will be my child no matter whos name they take... but I just think it'll be a bit wierd if baby doesn't have the same name as me. There's also FOB's feeling to consider, he definately wants baby to take his name which is understandable. Also his family's feelings and my family's feelings. Complicated? I think so. Has anyone else been in this situation, and if so, what decision did you make?

Status: Offline

Mar 19th, 2010, 08:39 AM	#2
wiganlass Mum (Mom) Chat Happy BnB Member Join Date: Sep 2009 Posts: 1,075	go with which ever you feel more comfy with,are baby will have my oh's surname as its normally traditional to have there farthers surname unless your not together and you dont speak xxx

Status: Offline

Mar 19th, 2010, 08:56 AM	#3
RHR Mum (Mom) Chat Happy BnB Member Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: York, North Yorkshire Posts: 1,667	Me and my partner aren't married but we are engaged and living together. Once our LO arrives he/she will have my partner's surname. As we want to get married in the future it will also be one less hassle of trying to get bump's surname legally changed. It's tough luck on what my family think as in the end it's our decision and not theirs.

Status: Offline

Mar 19th, 2010, 09:05 AM	#5
tashalina Mum (Mom) Active BnB Member Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Coventry, UK Posts: 821	We got engaged when I was pregnant with my son, he took OH name and then I joined them when we got married. I know you say marriage will be a few years off, are you engaged coz if so I think OH might be a bit upset if you said you were unsure on what name in case u dont get married lol...its down to u though, have a chat with your OH and decide together xx

Status: Offline

Mar 19th, 2010, 09:09 AM	#6
GossipGirl Mum (Mom) Active BnB Member Join Date: Jan 2010 Location: Gwent, S Wales Posts: 480	I'm not married to my OH but we're living together and I had no decision in that I'm going to give the baby his surname. We'll probably get married sometime in the future and I would just prefer the baby having his name. My parents suggested a double barrelled surname but I can't stand them (sorry anyone here who has one!) but I really don't like them so that won't be happening. Do what feels best for you and what you feel happiest with.

Status: Offline

Mar 19th, 2010, 08:57 AM	#4
wannabubba#4 Mum (Mom) BnB Addict Join Date: Jul 2009 Posts: 3,574	I agree with wiganlass - you have to go with your feelings on this. But it is much easier to change the surname to his at a later date -say when you get married etc; than it is to change it back to your name. My first two kids were to my first husband and automatically took his name , we later divorced and I went back to my maiden name. With my third baby, I wasn't married but chose to give my son his dads name and as he treats the other two as his also and they both already called him dad, we decided (with their agreement and their biological fathers too -and expense of legalities of that) that we'd change their surnames too. We married last year so this baby will have dads surname too. My ex-hubby and his family are well known to the police and just the mention of our old surname brought questions about who we are related to etc, so tbh I was glad to get shot of it. They didn't need to grow up with that stigma around them. xx

Status: Offline

Mar 19th, 2010, 09:20 AM	#7
shortie1990 Mum (Mom) BnB Addict Join Date: Sep 2009 Location: Blackburn, Lancashire Posts: 5,671	We're not married either, but automaticaly we started calling it baby Taylor (OH's surname) No matter what happens between me and OH, we chose to have a baby as it was what we both wanted, and its more of a commitment than marrage IMO, so no matter what he's still going to be the father, and he will be a cracking one at that, even if his feelings for me do change in the future. His father is his father at the end of the day.

Status: Offline

Mar 19th, 2010, 09:20 AM	#8
Teeny Weeny Mum (Mom) Active BnB Member Join Date: Dec 2009 Location: Kent, England Posts: 866	My first son has his dads surname as we were engaged at the time. Unfortunately we broke up and so we have different names...but I don't really mind too much. This time I am unsure of what surname to have...I might give him mine an then if me and OH get married change it then. I just don't want two children with different names to me. But it is individual choice. xx

Status: Offline

Mar 19th, 2010, 09:21 AM	#9
Odd Socks Mum (Mom) BnB Addict Join Date: May 2009 Location: Manchester, England Posts: 3,433	our baby will have oh's surname, because i've heard it'll make things easier down the line. we're not married, & like you, won't be for a good while yet, even though we've been together almost 7 years. we just never got round to getting engaged or married, but have lived together almost 6 years, & decided that starting a family was more important to us than getting married at the point we're at in our lives. xx

Status: Offline

Mar 19th, 2010, 10:16 AM	#10
clarebo9 Pregnant (Expecting) Active BnB Member Join Date: Jan 2010 Location: east england Posts: 220	I have been with my hubby for 16 yrs and we arent married, we have 3 children already who are 11 and twins that are 10, I always wanted them to have their dads name, as we are not planning on getting married. Also gives the children that speacial connection to their dad. I overheard my OH explaining this to his mate the other day and although we are steady together, he said a child will only ever have 1 mum, but on occasion they end up with 2 dads if a relationship breaks down, I was really quite in awe about how he said it, was nice to hear what he thought too. Good luck in your choice tho x

Status: Offline

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