Hi All - sorry this is a bit long

I'm a complete wimp (i admit it!!) and from the moment i got my BFP i've requested an epidural however my midwife seems dead against the idea and i feel like she's not listening to me. I'm only 15 weeks so i've got a long way to go but i know myself. I suffer from social anxiety disorder and panic attacks so i know that something like labour is going to make me panic no matter how much i try to stay calm lol. I would therefore like to have an epidural so that i can stay as calm as possible so it's not such a scary experience.

At my last visit she said she doesn't take kindly to "mardy women" and that it's a good pain that we should all go through without "any silly screaming" and the less medication the better! She said i'll change my mind about it.

That's all well and good but when you suffer from panic attacks it's easy to become hysterical in a situation (especially one like this as we work on a fight or flight response and there aint nowhere i can flight to for this one!). I tried to explain to her that i don't want to be a pain in the arse for everyone else as well as put myself through unnecessary panic & distress when i go into labour (i'm really worried that if i panic during it i'll somehow pass my weirdness onto my little sweetiepop and they'll have to grown up with this too)

How can i get her to take me seriously and stop treating me like i'm just being a bit silly? I'm really scared she'll just keep ignoring me and the birth will be the most horrendous experience of my life.

Sorry, i'll stop typing now lol

its your choice hun,

Its completely down to you at the end of the day unless they have a medical reason as to why you cant have one, you should be able to. I think alot of midwifes try to encourage you to do it drug free because its more natural etc, and apparently the pushing part of labour would be quicker without the epidural because you would feel the contractions.
Just weigh up the pros and cons and if thats what you want then go for it
Also if she is being abit of a pain can you not change midwife? xxx

i'd feel really upset if my midwife was giving out her personal opinions disguised as professional advice. not sure the word 'mardy' should be used about any woman in labour, haha!

i'd consider what she is saying and read a lot about epidurals, as they do carry risks, like any drug. but it is your decision at the end of the day. she should be informing you from her professional experience of the pros and cons of drugs. but don't underestimate yourself - nobody knows how they will behave in labour until they have to do it. try and feel in control, i think that will help you, and don't feel like anyone can make decisions for you. don't write yourself off, you could have a lovely labour experience and remain focused and strong throughout!

good luck!

Hi hun, I also used to suffer really badly from social anxiety disorder and panic attacks and I just wanna say you might find that you suprise yourself when you go into labour as I most certainly did when I had my son 16 years ago. I couldn't even walk out my front door without having a full blown anxiety attack & was dreading having to go to hospital to give birth, however, when it actually came to it I was absolutely fine, something inside me just took over allowing me to cope and I got through my whole labour with just a shot of pethidine an hour before I gave birth. It seems that as a mother everytime I need to cope some kind of coping mechanism just kicks in and I just get on with it. As for passing it onto your child, my son will be 17 when this baby is born & has spent most of his life with a totally mad mother who cant seem to do the easiest of things without freaking out and getting in a right state & yet by some miracle he's turned out totally fine & oozing with confidence. He's done fantastically well at school, has performed in school plays, loves entertaining everyone & isn't at all scared of performing infront of an audience. He can't wait to become a policeman which has been his ambition in life since he was 2 years old & since then it's all he's ever wanted to do as soon as he's old enough. He's jetted off all over the world with his school & with my parents (I've never been able to get on a plane), he's a season ticket holder at our football club so obviously has no problem with crowds (my worst nightmare) and he runs youth clubs & has been a fully qualified FA referee for the last 2 years and ref's football matches every weekend.... So it seems that I've defo not passed my nerves onto him.

Sorry for the long post lol, I got carried away. I really just wanted to say that hopefully everything will be fine & although from experience I know you'll work yourself up into a right state during the rest of your pregnancy it is very likely that when you go into labour you will be absolutely fine. If you wanna chat then message me.

Id change my MW/hospital straight away. She cant put her views on you like that.

If you want an epi, then thats your choice and I think the unnecessary anxiety she is causing you by saying these things are totally unacceptable. So, rather than worry what will happen when labour begins now, I would work on changing the MW as its quite obvious you wont get one where your current MW is concerned.

I want an epi, but I dont have the same MW all through my pregnancy, so its not too bad for me. I will just make it known as soon as I go into the hospital. I think its so wrong the way some MW`s try to talk you out of an epi if there are no valid health reasons why you shouldnt have one. Its your choice.

i would plainly state what your having, they cant deny you pain relief unless theres a medical reason. ive seen women at 2cms get an epidural becuase they want one.
xx

Thanks everyone, you're all really nice :-) If she carries on i think i'll just ignore her, i'm the one writing the birth plan so i'll put in whatever makes me feel comfortable. I may decide i'm superwoman on the day and not want an epidural but i think it should be every woman's right to state that she might want an epidural or any other kind of pain relief and not be shot down in flames for it. I guess she'll just have to think i'm mardy ha ha.

Thanks everyone for your kind words, you've made me feel a lot better!!! xxxxxxx

only just noticed you're from notts, should have guessed as soon as i read the word mardy!! xx

I always thought the mid-wives were the more natural way of giving birth and having an OB-GYN Dr. is the one for C-sections, epidurals...etc. If that's the case, can you change to a Dr. because they do epidurals all the time