my father-in-law smokes like a chimney and I hate him smoking over me while I'm pregnant. Any time DH has mentioned it though, he just says "You rmum and I both smoked the whole time she was pregnant and it didn't do any harm"!

The thing that annoys me is that they chose to smoke and we choose not to smoke but I have no control over whether he smokes over me! I have actually stopped going round there and just see him when he visits us because he is not allowed to smoke in our house!

When the baby comes I am not going to want him to smoke over it, or put nasty nicotiney fingers near it, especially in its mouth, but I'm not sure how I'm going to get around that one! He is not big on washing his hands too often either

I used to smoke, but over a year quit and OH has quit for about 9 mos., but his mom and sis still smoke. They are probably going to be around a lot when LO is born, and I think it's not unreasonable to ask them to scrub up before they come near her! I am a totally vehement anti-smoker now, come to think of it my best girlfriend smokes tons and I will have to take a strong stance with her, too! It is worth it, though. Hey, being an ex-teen-smoker gives me a POV on how to get the smell off, if anyone needs any pointers.

Seriously, if it's the nicotine remnants that pose a threat (not sure? anyone?), I would have to say the best thing would be just politely ask the smokers to plan their day accordingly and not smoke for the bulk of the time that will be spent with LO. Then when they leave they can take care of their cravings. And definitely scrub up before touching her, and use of anti-bacterial hand gel will be mandatory. Too much?

i felt this way.
but you might come across as a bitch... i did!
i ended up falling out with my mum over it, in the end... you just have to bite your tongue x x x

I don't think she should have to bite her tongue at all...it's her baby she should be able to say what she wants when it comes down to it. If they have a problem with it then it's them being unreasonable not her.

I must admit, I'm really nervous about this too, none of my family smoke but my OH's mum and FIL smokes, the midwife told us that people shouldn't hold the baby for half hour after they've smoked and then they need to wash their hands and change their clothes!!! We thought changing clothes is a little bit much to ask lol otherwise they'd always have to bring that with them but we think half hour is reasonable and washin their hands! My OH supports me on this and has told his mum but she completley ignored him; dint even answer! and the thing is, FIL smokes every half hour or so anyway....it's gona be really uncomfortable, I definitely feel like they're gona think it's me being awkward...but even if it wasn't dangerous, I HATE the smell of it so still wouldn't like them round the baby lol

And in answer to the people that say "I did it and it never caused you any harm"...what about all the people that HAVE lost babies which is down to whatever you're asking them not to do?!

This is my first child and I want to keep her safe xx

i think that it takes about 1hr 4 the toxic fumes 2 disappear. i would say no smaking anywhere near the baby and if they want 2 touch the baby after smoking they cant. the choice is theirs, a ciggie or baby. no contest as far as i can see. make sure oh is with u backing u up when u have a word with them. just coz his sister doesnt mind them touching the twins afte a ciggie doesnt mean u have 2 b the same. my sil smokes and she goes outside 2 smoke and once the new baby is born she wont b able 2 hold it afer smoking. she doesnt get upset about this as she knows it's best 4 baby.

Hiya. I dont think you are being unreasonable at all! I am an ex smoker (stopped 2 yrs ago) and I absolutely hate it now. I wouldn't want anyone smoking near my baby, and I would also be funny about anyone holding/touching baby after having a fag, as it stinks (not to mention the health risks).

Does your OH agree with you? If he does, then that's half the battle - as it's his family it should really be his responsibility to bring the issue up with them. If he doesn't agree with you/isn't really fussed, then it's a bit more difficult for you, but you are still in the right and have every right to have your decisions respected/adhered to.

I would probably feel uneasy having to raise it too, as you don't want to offend them, but this is your baby and therefore your decision - and as it's your baby, you're decisions are the right decisions and should be respected.

If I/you did something to upset someone (i.e. smoke around their kids) I/you would be mortified and would take steps to put it right. So should your OH's family. If they don't, then they're clearly not very thoughtful in which case I wouldn't care 2 hoots about offending them!

Easier said than done but can you engineer a conversation where you just drop massive hints, telling them you are worried about your (best friend/friend/colleague) smoking, and that you wont be letting her babysit as you don't want anyone smoking near your baby. Then hint that you don't want anyone smoking near baby, or handling your baby after they've been smoking. You don't need to use the words 'you', just talk about 'people in general'. Hopefully they'll get the hint!

Good luck, hope it goes well xx

Agreed with the others and just wanted to add, the increased risk of SIDS and asthma issue COMPLETELY trumps their feelings about your demands. You can say it as kindly and clearly as possible but in the end it's down to them how they react and it really is their problem. I wouldn't give in to their habits just to keep the peace or have them bullying me about it (as a couple posters said, their parents said they did it around their own kids and never came to harm). Tough shit. There is plenty of evidence nowadays about the risks, and just because it ''never harmed'' one child doesn't mean it would be the same for another. Their children, their choice. This is your child and it's your choice.

My parents smoked in the house and I developed asthma and had chronic bronchitis issues around age 12-14. During that time the doctor advised them to smoke away from me. They started doing it outside or by the kitchen window, and surprise surprise, my asthma went away and I've never had it since!

Don't let anyone bully you into letting smoke stink around your child! Their safety and health is more important than these social diplomacies.

This is such a hard one, I have worried about this as I have several family members (including inlaws) that smoke. But to be honest, I would rather come across as a bitch if it means protecting my baby. My mum and sister will be fine as I have no problem telling them how it is and particularly with my mum, I don't have the best relationship with her anyway so it will be easy for me to tell her not to bother coming round at all if she's gonna be smoky. It may be more difficult with my FIL. I will of course try to be diplomatic but if they are not in agreement with me then we'll just keep away from them! x

My inlaws smoke as well, usually if they are expecting guests they will smoke in the kitchen with the windows open or outside but a couple of times recently we have called around and they have both been in the lounge smoking and I've not even wanted to go in a) because of my son who is 4 and b) because I am now expecting (not that they know yet). They just say "oh come in, we'll be finished in a minute" ... eeeekkk doesn't mean the smell and nastiness automatically disappears the minute they have finished!
Yuck yuck yuck.