Sorry by catastrophic I meant she is waiting for something more serious to happen with my mental health/baby before doing something about it at the stage it could be prevented.
Yes all responses are helping, but I have a feeling that because of the way my mood is I don't think I have the strength to complain or do anything more than writing on here..

You shouldnt be worried about that, its your baby, your pregnancy and sod what anyone else thinks! If you arent happy with your midwife get a new one! You are supposed to have a wonderful experience being pregnant and if you dont change your midwife it is gonna ruin it all for you

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mrs.Steer I'm frightened to ask to change midwife because what if she is doing her job right and then the next midwife will judge me for being picky/anxious. Not once has she asked me how I feel about being pregnant. If she did she would know that all my feelings are negative and I am petrified of being a mother, even though I want it to be the opposite. Should I call her before the next appointment and ask for more help? Or what if she just directs me to the internet again like she did about the social security office?

To be honest, she should have picked up that you had anxiety and were stressed at your booking in appointment. There are tools that they can use to assess this. Take it from someone that has had nurse training and worked with midwives, she is not doing her job right! Its up to you though hun, if you feel like you can carry on seeing her then do so, if not then your going to have to see someone else. And, your not happy with the way things are going at the moment so I dont see why you should put up with it. Your midwife is meant to support you. Do you mind if I ask why your feeling anxious or stressed out? Most mums to be get a little anxious at the thought of being a new mum, thats quite normal hun but if you feel that your anxiety is something deeper than you need to speak to someone about that.

If it was me I wouldnt bother with her right now, Id make an appointment to see your gp, get yourself sorted out first then go from there hun xx

I totally agree there x

Seems to me like your MW is too rushed off her feet to care about work anymore.

She is getting the basics over and done with and nothing extra.

My MW is managing a whole practice all by herself since the other MWs are either on holiday or off sick, but still, every single time I visited my MW, she would first ask me "how are you feeling - anything worrying you?" And that's how I know my MW is still concerned about MY wellbeing as well as the baby's. She rushed my first booking in appt, but made up for it by visiting me at home to complete the booking...and she didn't really do a risk assessment, just asked if I have smoke alarms in my home, but that's about it. I even have her mobile number (obviously not a personal number) which I can call, during office hours if I need to ask anything.

I advise you to first contact your GP and make an appt to be referred to a specialist who deals with depression and anxiety. While there, you could discuss your MW...every pregnant woman should have the peace of mind that she has a good MW to ask if she has a question or any other worries.

Hope you feel better soon hun. x

well in the states if our OB's would do this well guess what?! We'd get rid of them!!!!!! My old ob was like this and i couldn't stand him. I switched to someone who actually cares and asks about ME every appointment. How are you handling things? are you feeling good? etc. good luck but i would maybe talk to her first maybe she doesn't see what she's doing

I can completely understand that midwifes can be overworked and stressed and my last appointment was late and didnt think much of it etc but some of the things ur mw has said dont seem very professional at all.

I had a home visit for my booking in appointment and she didnt risk assess my house?!

My midwife has been really good, I go to the army medcentre so obviously she is understanding of the fact that my husband is away for the entire duration of my pregnancy etc but she always takes the time to ask how im coping, at 16w appointment she asked if I would like to record babys heartbeat on my mobile to send to my hubby in Afghan and she offered to try n help me change my scna date to coincide with hubbis leave so he could be there. She didnt have to do any of those things but means a lot to me going thru this pregnancy on my own!

SUrely ur mw has some sort of duty to at least refer u to gp or something if you have told her that u are anxious etc x

Sounds like a similar experience to mine except ive had a different midwife every visit each one of them have all been useless and i know its not just me being hormonal !

my boyfriend came with me to all of my visits and he couldnt believe how rude/inconsistent and unprofessional they all were.

I really cant believe your experience I would ask for a different midwife!

Seems like they go through the motions and dont really care..

Its a shame that something so new and exciting as being a mum can be dampened by useless midwives..

Sorry you aren't having the best experience. My personal opinion is that I don't think your midwife is awful, but at the same time I don't think she has done anywhere near enough to help you, especially when you have voiced concerns about your own health. Personally, I would see your GP about about this or ask to change midwifes. It is a real shame that your midwife could not offer advice or atleast direct you properly to someone to see about your health and maternity allowance.

Is it just me, or do the midwifes not really care too much until you have reached past the 20-24 week stage??

I had a bad experience. I had worked myself into a frenzy at the day before my booking-in appointment because all my pregnancy symptoms had disappeared and I no longer felt pregnant. Being my first pregnancy I didn't know what was or wan't normal. When I voiced my concern at my booking in appointment, my midwife pretty much told me I had miscarried (even though there was no blood) and kept saying over and over "I'm so worried for you!".

She then wasn't going to continue with the booking-in appointment (as in, what would be the point if I had miscarried!!) but I asked her to continue, just in case everything turned out to be okay. She then told me I should go to A&E and "make up" some symptoms so they would check me over, as otherwise they wouldn't check me just because I no longer felt pregnant.

I didnt' feel comfortable sitting in A&E making up lies, so I paid for a private scan that night in a private clinic. In the end, everything was perfectly normal and healthy with bubs. In my situation, the midwife could have atleast offered me some clinics where I could get a private scan (rather then advising me to make-up lies). She could have advised that losing symptoms at 10 weeks was perfectly normal and she could have called me in the following week to find out if everything was okay, but she never did.

I was too embarassed to ask for a new midwife, so I booked my 16 week appointment. When that got cancelled a week prior and I was told to make an appointment for two weeks later (when I would have been 18 weeks), I got fed up and voiced my concern about my midwife.

Now, instead of being covered by share-care with my gp, I am now seeing midwifes directly at my hospital instead. Means I see different people now for each appointment, but I figure the care can't be any worse. Had a very lovely lady at my 25 week appointment!!!!!!!

Don't be afraid to ask to change if you aren't comfortable with who you are seeing.

Hi hun,
Although I agree with what someone else said, that you can see your gp if you are feeling stressed, anxious or depressed I for one am shocked that your midwife has left you feeling like this!!

MY midwife has referred me to the perinatal psychiatry team (you can ask your gp about this if you don't feel your midwife is taking your concerns seriously) and she only referred me because I have a history of mental health problems, (depression and anxiety) even though at the moment I feel pretty good!! When I went for my appoinment with the perinatal psych team they gave me a test to do had to score how I felt and my anxiety came out really high (pretty normal for me lol) but depression score was really low as suspected because I knew I wasn't depressed (when I went to gp though she gave me antidepressants because she thought I WAS depressed,I took them at first but then stopped because I was sure I wasn't depressed which the perinatal team confirmed). I don't know why you weren't referred but if I were you would ask your doctor about it. I was told women who have a history of depression or who are depressed while they are pregnant have a higher risk of having pnd after their baby is born so it would be a good idea for you to be in touch with the people who'll be able to help you with this!! I wish you the best of luck getting help hun and agree with what the other girls have said hun, if I were you I'd be asking for a different midwife. Can't fault my midwife though she has been great and I was so panicky at the beginning of this pregnancy after a mc May. xxxxxxx