hi,
like i say i have a problem.
my MIL has booked 2 weeks off work when baby is due
and she hasnt asked but she is planning on staying at my house for the 2 weeks and the problem is i dont think i want her there for 2 weeks straight after baby is born.
the other thing is she thinks she is gonna be in the delivery room with me but i wanted it to be me and hubby.
again she hasnt asked,i think she just thinks that i want her there.
she live 2 hours away from us but she wants to rush down straight away but i dont want to be pushed or rushed in having the baby and going into hospital.

ARH....

sorry for rant x x

Well, hun, the best thing you can do is talk to her and let her know your feelings on the matter. Or perhaps you can have OH talk to her about your wishes.

If you are anything like me though, it's tough to be verbal and hurt someone's feelings.

With my first delivery, my mom came from out of town to stay with us for over a month. Luckily too, my MIL lived in a downstairs suite of her house and we lived upstairs.

They were both cordially invited to attend the birth, and were both very happy to do so. I am so glad they were both there due to an awful gynecologist I had at that time. They were my voice for me. My hubby is usually great in this area, but he was too tired. After two days of induction, I had an emergency C-section.

My gosh, both my mom and MIL were a huge, huge help to me when I got home!!! I probably would have went mad if they weren't there as I couldn't do much of anything for about 3 weeks. The nice thing was though that they didn't interfere and only gave me advice when I asked.

You may like the extra help of your MIL when you do get home. Providing she doesn't constantly nag you about how to take care of your baby, etc.

Best wishes!

I completely understand how you feel. I have a similar problem with my own mum and I did what everyone on here told me to do - be straight...(ish) with her.

Tell her that you don't feel comfortable with having anyone in the delivery room with you and you want it to just be you and your OH. If she has a problem with this and you think she may turn up anyway then don't tell her when you go into labour. Just give her a nice suprise phone call after.

As for staying with you, I think you should just tell her what you're comfortable with. Maybe say you want your first few days alone and then she can stay for a couple of days but not the whole week or 2 weeks.

I hope you can work something out with her. The last thing you want is to be feeling invaded at that time when really you just want to be bonding with your baby.

Ooohh time to put her straight. No way I would have her indelivery room if I didn't want her there. I would appreciate help at home for maybe a week or so after baby is born, but only if that was what I wanted. Do you have a good relationship with her , or is she assuming rather a lot. Be kind but firm.

oh dear!! MIL's!!

hmmm have you spoken to your hubby about this?

I think it is probably best for him to have the conversation or if you feel brave you could say it is lovely her taken the 2 weeks off when baby comes but it will be time for you and your hubby to get used to baby and spend time together so would be a waste of time or her and maybe she could take some time off after that and come and stay when things have settled as when hubby is back to work you will probably be really grateful for help (thats if you want it...!)

do you get on with mil? Also with regard to birthing just have a conversation nearer the time that you will call her once the baby is born as the last thing you probably want to do is her rushing over especially if she is 2 hours away and then that will only stress you out more

sorry did i go on a bit there

hope that was useful! I just think you should do whatever you and hubby want to do is your baby xx

I agree with the other ladies... you should deffinately have a word with her. My mother is determined to be in on the birth even though i've told her i don't want her there under any circumstances.

I hope things work out for you, you should never feel pressured into things that you don't want. You deserve a little privacy, we all do

Oh don't even get me started! i had the same problem.

Put your foot down and tell your OH to tell her that you want it to be just you and him at the birth and that you want some alone time just the three of you afterwards.

I told my OH to tell his mum that we will ask if we need help. its ok for people to visit but not to spend the full days with us etc

It really annoys me, my MIL thinks its her baby! she's had her kids its my time.

thank you girls.

i dont want her to rush down when she isnt even gonna be in the delivery room,i dont mind them visiting at the hospital but im gonna be in hospital for 6 hours if everything goes well.so really there is no rush and they wont be able to see baby til the visiting hours.
i would like to come home and just relax with hubby and our new baby,but hubby said that if no one is there when we get home he said ill moan coz no one is visiting.
i guess i dont mind her coming and staying but not for 2 weeks maybe for a few days.

if she comes down it will be his mum and dad and i dont think it will take 4 people to look after 1 baby.
we havnt got a big house to start off with.
we only have 2 bedrooms and one is ours and the other is gonna have babys got and everything in. so if they do come down they will be on the living room floor.

i do get on with my MILbut i dont think ill feel comfortable with her at the birth.

i dont want her to think im being nasty as im not just wanted hubby with me at the birth.

oh god, this needs sorting! can't your OH say something to his Mum?

Really, I think everyone should get the first 2 weeks at home alone if they want to!
Cripes, i'd hate my in-laws to be there, even though I get on with them. I just need those first week or two to get used to thigns and to have quality family time!!

I've already ahd this discussion with my DB's mum and my Mum - they both (phew!) agreed that we'll need time. I expect to be in hsopital for 5 days so the plan is this:

Just me and DB there when baby pops out. Then my parents can come to visit for one day while i'm in hospital. Then DB's family can come for a day or two while I'm in hospital. And then I go home and myself and DB have two weeks for just us. And then my parents can come to stay for 4 days. And after a break DB's family can come for 4 days. Not a week. Not 2 weeks. 4 days. It's enough to spend quality time with the baby without stressing eachother out.

This is quite a plan considering we live in France and our families are in England. But if they want to see the baby right away they understand it's justa flying visit whilst I'm in hospital. I have to think about me at that time - I'll be emotional enough as it is without feeling stressed out by guests, however good their intentions.

I'm also lucky in that we've got a grany -annex type thing - so the guests can stay out of my house. I cant be doing with anyone in the house. MrsN - maybe you can explain to your MIL that the house will be full and you'll need some space so could they book into a B&B?! Travel lodge?! hotel?
2 weeks is too much....

good luck - be strong - we'll be mums and must do whats best for our family!..

thanks to you all.
i have spoken to hubby and he said he will talk to his parents closer to the date.
she did say she would book somewhere to stay so she wouldnt be at ours but she said she cant book any where as she cant garrantee when the baby comes.
ill have to get it sorted.
hubby is having 2 weeks off when baby comes so i was looking forward to our time together with baby but it wont be the case if they come down for 2 weeks too. x x
thanks girls.